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![[Human Meat for Sale]](27lead.jpg)
Anita Bora
I don’t know about you, but last week was a really bad one for me.
I have been working like a dog, staying up late, waking early (which I absolutely hate) and feeling like I have been going round in circles achieving absolutely nothing of significance.
To make matters worse, I get this email from a friend: “Just back from Mauritius after an amazing week. Went parasailing, snorkelling, and coral hunting.”
What have I done wrong in my life, I wonder. After all, it’s the weekend, and I should be making party plans. Why, then, am I still at work, talking to a Chat Bot? It was created, I’m told, by Richard Wallace, author of Artificial Intelligence Markup Language and Botmaster of ALICE.
And yes, you can actually have a decent conversation without feeling stupid. This is how our dialogue went:
Chat Bot: My name is Chat Bot. What is your name?
Me: Anita.
Chat Bot: Nice to meet you, Anita.
Me: Can we go on a date tonight?
Chat Bot: Do you mean you and me? Sorry my body isn’t attached right now. I’m stuck inside this computer.
Depressed at being turned down by a computer, I turned to a site which analyses dating patterns, “evaluates your relationships and tells you what really makes you happy.”
It comes ten years too late for me but, hey, maybe you could do with a few tips. Fill up a form, rate your date’s (current or ex) body, brain, personality, lifestyle, and other personal qualities. You might be surprised at the results.
Have you met any test freaks? I think it’s retribution for all those tests they flunked or avoided in college. Emotion, jealousy, self-esteem, love - anything you want, you can find it here. Some questions are slightly long, but what the heck? Your date hasn’t turned up and you probably have all the time in the world.
Trivia, anyone? There are 61 towns in the United States with the word ‘turkey’ in their names; Americans consume more than 10 billion bowls of soup each year; ‘Ufology’ is the study of UFOs, especially those thought to be from outer space.
Armed with these totally useless facts, I move on to Billy the Dead Boy. It’s all about a character called Billy, who’s actually a dead kid. Oh Billy, what are we going to do with you?
Talking about the dead makes me think of more morbid topics like twisted crimes and gruesome murders. If the morning papers and your daily Web site don’t suffice, this is absolutely Brutal. It collects all that’s gory online, and is perfect for masochists.
Speaking of morbid, “Yes, all of our products are made with 100% human meat” proclaims ManBeef, while providing human flesh to esteemed customers worldwide (anonymity guaranteed). Cannibalism is in. The site also has tips on which part of the human body is tastiest and most sought after.
Apparently, the arm is ideal for grinding and minced meat, while a cut from the back is preferred by Brazilians. Check out the ‘Processing’ section to find out where human flesh comes from. . The thought of my ribs, being served on someone’s dinner plate makes me shudder. But, before you rush to place your orders, please check this link.
You will excuse me now, while I turn off the Internet and go get some much need respite.
Bizarre to say the least, and don’t say I didn’t warn you!
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