The first chat room I entered was the Bombay chat room on MSN India. The description read "Anything that's interesting and intelligent." It sounded promising, so I decided to give it a shot.

The username assigned to me was bladedeye3 and I was all set to take the chat room by storm with my witty discourse on politics, religion and the world at large. What I found instead was a conversation dominated by tally429 and ItalianSmacko, who insisted on indulging in sex talk right over my head. I attempted to make foodie conversation, but this is how it turned out:

bladedeye3: hey - has anyone been to Tian? tally429: don't u wanna no my vital sts ItalianSmacko: yu hav my email address bladedeye3: hello - any foodies? ItalianSmacko: wut do yu want hunnieee tally429: whatever u gimmeeee ItalianSmacko: ohhhhh tally429: mmmmmm

At this point I gave up and decided to switch chat rooms. 'Welcome to the Serenity Café!' It seemed like a calm, comforting zone so I stepped right into a conversation dominated by queensnewyork's attempts to drive a lawnmower. After ten minutes of lawnmower talk, I was ready to get out.

The Writer's Pen seemed the ideal place to stop for some fine, literary conversation. It seemed I had found a place where I could meet like-minded people who would appreciate the finer points of Jane Austen, Charles Dickens and Shakespeare.

What I found was this:

jaclette: I love cooking for friends bladedeye3: hello! What's everyone chatting about Guest_EnglandsBeauty: food jaclette: we want lunch bladedeye3: but aren't we supposed to talk writing jaclette: sigh, not necessarily Guest_EnglandsBeauty: yawns again Guest_EnglandsBeauty: sooooo sleepy bladedeye3: so is anyone reading anything interesting? Guest_EnglandsBeauty: not at the moment blade Guest_EnglandsBeauty: thats a thing i need to do... get me glasses sorted

A quick exit was called for and I decided to switch chat Web sites. I entered the Indiatimes chat Business room, hoping someone would be able to discuss the latest business news, the Enron issue or merely give me stock tips for my investments on Dalal Street. Sadly I didn't find anyone in the room.

The other chat rooms - The Lounge, Flirting and Romance, Yaar Dost, Man to Man and Woman to Woman were full, with the conversation flowing thick and fast. Christened ITChatter, I entered The Lounge in Delhi. The conversation was dominated completely by sex. Sexsatisfier was asking each member of the room if they wanted to have sex with him. Finally, slash asked Ritu if she worked at Sapient Technologies. I had found my opening and asked if there were any other e-solution companies besides Sapient in Delhi, a question that was completely ignored in the midst of the sex-dominated conversation.

The next stop was The Lounge in Mumbai. This chat room was more 'cliquey', with a bunch of regulars chatting rather than random strangers. Fortunately, chatters stayed off sex, but the conversation was still not stimulating, ranging from treats at the Taj Mahal to Cuffe Parade being the hip place to live. Then sexsatisfier made his entrance and the non-stimulating conversation took a plunge!

What I realised is, like in the big, bad world, you have to be aggressive and push your way through the mass of chatters if you want someone to chat with you.

The next Web site I visited was Chowk.com, where the Chowk Forum boasts "a premier gathering of Chowkwalas - with discussions skewed towards politics, socio-economics, history and theology." The main Chowk Forum listed topics ranging from 'Why a Hindu should become a Muslim' to 'Media is Free'.

Eager to participate in conversation that would be controversial and enlightening, I signed in, only to discover postings of fundamentalist propaganda against Hindus, against Muslims, against the US, against Palestine and Israel. Some of the conversation was violent and extremist.

Thirty minutes of such conversation later, I was tired but adamant to find intelligent conversation on the Web. As a last attempt, I entered a chat room in the Interests section of MSN Chat, entitled 'intelligent conversation.' The only other person there, Terrydarling, who hosts the chat room, posted the first message: "This is a room for intelligent conversation. That means that there are certain topics we do not discuss, such as sex, sports, pop music, aliens, spirituality, or why school sucks. It also means that we do not trawl for personal information."

We soon got into a discussion on books. He suggested I read Ralph Ellison; I recommended 'Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil' by John Berendt. Mid-way through the conversation, I asked:

What I found was this:

bladedeye3: so tell me, why do you think there are only TWO of us in a room for intelligent conversation Terrydarling: no, there have been others on and off. Usually I throw them out, or they leave, when they find out that hormone-driven adolescents with one active brain cell are not wanted here unfortunately, most of the people in chat rooms are the sorts who move their lips while they type and who abbreviate three-letter words

It had finally happened - I had found intelligent conversation in a chat room. Chat rooms make me uneasy as they require you to reveal a part of yourself you aren't aware you are revealing. A few minutes of chat later I exited, exhausted from my attempts to find intelligent conversation on the Web, but glad that I'd finally found it.

Also Read
 -- Multiple of One: Candid confessions of chatters
 -- Chat Lingo
 -- Room for Two
 -- When chat leads to marriage