I have a dark side. I first learned about it waiting in a queue at the post office. After an hour, when I reached the lady at the counter and asked for a three-rupee stamp, she pointed to another long line with a glint: "That one." If only I had gun right then…
I understand now why people do evil things. I had no idea what to do next so I sought help unleashing all the dark thoughts dwelling in my mind for so long. Do evil things, laugh the evil laugh, join the forces of darkness and change your name, was what this site recommended.
I decided to rechristen myself by adopting a new middle and last name - Doom and Skull. Change my pleasant laugh to an evil wail that goes like this - 'Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!' It even suggests careers for evil-doers (like spamming). Hey, don't sue me - it's not my site!
If evil thoughts still dominate your brain, stretch it a little more. Have you ever thought about how useful kitchen appliances can be, especially when you're angry? They're sharp-edged, handy and some even have powerful blades - like the blender. Don't like politicians messing up your country? Put them in the refrigerator or blender and see what happens. Picture some of our own politicians - Lalooji, Jayaji, … and don't say I didn't warn you.
If you are really, really angry, you can also do what Dan Parisi did - collect a whole lot of suck domain names. Why does he indulge in this strange past time? Read about it here.
If you don't want to go to extremes, you can try some of Captain Haddock's favourite curses instead. Tintin fans can now release their pent up anger by shouting out loudly to unfriendly salesmen - 'ectoplasmic byproduct'. To the guy who stole your girlfriend - 'lily-livered bandicoot'. To the boss - 'gibbering ghost'.
Another alternative, if you want to avoid too much blood: 'Shoot the Boss'. This is what the site says: 'Why go out on a rampage killing innocent bystanders and messing up your best trousers when you can do it from the comfort of your own home?' Recommended for people who are underpaid and overworked. I know there's a lot of you who feel like that at the moment.
Enough of evil. To cleanse my soul, I try a dose of Zen Buddhism and the essay on 'Rumination on Zen's Cows' attempts to explain the 'oxherding pictures of Zen and their relationship to the Corrida'. Umm. Well, no one said Zen Buddhism was a piece of cake.
It's time now to put the gun back into the holster, the blender in its rightful place and wear my 'nice' goody two shoes avatar again. But, before I sign off, billions of blue blistering barnacles, I must confess this exercise really helped.
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