rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, explains how to deal with a partner who is emotionally insensitive.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.
Do you go out of your way to please your partner?
And what do you do when s/he doesn't reciprocate enough?
Do you feel disrespected, dismissed or unheard in your relationship?
rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, explains how to deal with a partner who is emotionally insensitive.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.
I remarried (prior widow, age 39) and took my daughter (aged 14) along in this new marriage.
Now, I have a daughter (7) from this marriage.
It's been 8 years now. My husband keeps fighting about money as I am a homemaker now, since there is no one to look after the kids.
We are from different castes so he fights about food preparation too.
We had agreed before marriage that if his mum looked after the future kid, I would be willing to work -- but that did not happen.
He is extremely fussy about food and likes only a few vegetables or preparations but is open when his mom makes it. Because of this, he doesn't even take a tiffin from home.
I don't understand what I should do. He keeps taunting me about my previous life -- that my first husband wasn't earning so I used to work.
Now, as there's no one to look after the children and since he earns well, there is no need for me to take a job. But he insists I should.
I receive partial rent from my dad's property which I use to pay part of our rent and he pays the rest. He pays for food and his home loan SIP. I don't understand what the problem is.
My daughter is not ready for babysitting. She gets upset. I always ask him, 'What should I prepare today?' but he fights about that too.
I just want to make what he likes. Please help.
Your husband's constant complaints about food, money and your past are not just hurtful; they reflect deeper issues of control and emotional insensitivity.
He is disregarding the fact that you are raising two daughters, trying to maintain harmony in the house and even contributing part of the rent from your own limited resources.
Your life before this marriage is being used against you unfairly when, in truth, that part of your journey made you stronger and more committed.
The truth is, this is no longer just about whether you work or not. It's about feeling disrespected, dismissed and unheard.
You have tried to care, by asking him what he'd like to eat, trying to avoid conflict, even putting aside your comfort to please him. And yet, he continues to find fault.
That is not a reflection of your failure but rather of his emotional disconnect and unwillingness to meet you halfway.
Right now, what you need most is clarity.
If he insists on you working, the caregiving arrangement has to be revisited -- he can't expect you to work outside and carry all the home responsibilities without support. And more than that, he needs to recognise that partnership means sharing respect, not just finances.
You can try to have a calm conversation where you tell him honestly how you're feeling; not to blame but to express how deeply this is affecting your emotional health and your ability to feel safe and valued in your own home.
If he’s not open to listening, you may need to consider involving a neutral third party like a family counsellor.
You do not have to fight this battle alone nor should you carry the entire burden of the relationship.
You deserve more than just being tolerated -- you deserve care, respect and peace.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.
Please Note: The questions and answers in this advisory are published to help the individual asking the question as well the large number of readers who read the same.
While we value our readers' requests for privacy and avoid using their actual names along with the question whenever a request is made, we regret that no question will be answered personally on e-mail.
All content herein is written and published online for informational purposes only. It should not be relied on as your only source for advice.
If you choose to rely on any information provided herein, you do so solely at your own risk. Opinions expressed herein cannot necessarily provide advice to fit the exact specifics of the issues of the person requesting advice.
Similarly, information received via an external link embedded in an article cannot be relied on as your only source of advice.
© 2025