'Mother-In-Law Is Trying To Break Our Marriage'

Emotional abuse and threats to one's life or marriage are not only morally wrong, they can be legally challenged, says rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation.

What do you do when your parents and in-laws are against your love?

Love marriages in India can often be challenging.

When their family and loved ones don't approve of a relationship, couples have to fight for acceptance, dignity and personal safety.

"If your husband truly loves you and has committed to this marriage, then it is now his responsibility to stand up for you and set boundaries with his family," says rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, a relationship coach and the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation.

• You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.

Anonymous: Recently, I got married. It was a love marriage. But before marriage, we spoke to our families.
My husband's family said that if they couldn't find a girl for him, then they would accept me.
We waited for more than 17 to 18 months. Nothing happened.
Later, my husband told his mother about our marriage and she said she didn't care.
After our marriage, I am in my home and he is in his house.
My mother-in-law is not accepting our marriage and is still looking for another girl for him.
She is asking him to leave me and also telling others that our marriage is fake or didn't happen.
I am not allowed to live in their house or any other house they have.
She is also not allowing him to leave that home and start married life with me.
She keeps emotionally blackmailing or threatening him, me, and my family, even threatening to k*** me or use illegal ways to break this marriage.
My family tried to talk to her, but she insulted them multiple times and created false situations with lies just to create drama.
I don't know how to deal with this situation. I don't want to create any problems for my family as they are always being threatened.

If your husband truly loves you and has committed to this marriage, then it is now his responsibility to stand up for you and set boundaries with his family.

Living separately after marriage due to his mother's control is not sustainable and it's unfair to you.

If threats are being made -- especially involving harm or illegal actions -- it could be a legal issue.

Document all threats made to you, including exchange of texts, calls and witnesses, if there are any.

If you feel unsafe, don't hesitate to consult a lawyer and, if needed, file a police complaint.

Emotional abuse and threats to life or marriage are not only morally wrong, they can be legally challenged.

If your husband is stuck in guilt or fear, consider seeking professional marriage counselling or involve a neutral mediator, someone his family might respect.

If that's not possible, he will need to decide if he wants to live under her control or live with integrity as a husband committed to building a future with you.

You, on your part, need to stay mentally strong.

Do not isolate yourself.

Speak to a trusted friend, a counsellor or you can join a women's support group.

You have already shown courage by standing up for love.

Now you need that courage to protect your dignity and claim your rightful space in the relationship.

• You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.

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