rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, a relationship expert, mind coach and founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation explains how to deal with conflicting emotions in a relationship with clarity and self-awareness.
Sometimes, love can be blind.
But it doesn't mean that you don't notice the signs, the red flags.
When someone you love tells you to drop everything you have built -- your career, your independence, your identity -- just so you could fit into their plans, it's time for a reality check.
Ask yourself: Is this really love, or subtle control?
It's not an equal partnership, reminds rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, a relationship expert, mind coach and founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation.
"Love doesn't thrive in ultimatums or secret corridors. It asks for courage, respect, and room for both people to evolve," Rai adds while counselling a young girl who has to pick between her career and relationship.
Anonymous: I'm a 28, female in a secret relationship with my team manager at a leading MNC in Bangalore.
We have been together for three years. He's been hinting at marriage, but wants me to quit and move to another city where he is planning a start-up.
I have worked really hard to reach this position.
I am up for a promotion soon, but I don't want to lose him for choosing my career.
Why can't a woman have both?
Let's call it out gently but clearly: When someone says they love you and want a future with you, but that future depends entirely on your sacrifice -- like quitting your job, leaving your city, and sidelining your aspirations -- what they're offering isn't an equal partnership.
Love doesn't thrive in ultimatums or secret corridors. It asks for courage, respect, and room for both people to evolve.
The fact that this relationship has been secret for three years also speaks volumes.
Silence can often feel safe in the short term, but it becomes heavy in the long run.
If marriage is truly on the table, shouldn't visibility and openness be part of the foundation?
You're asking, 'Why can't a woman have both?' And the answer is, she absolutely can. But she needs to be with someone who wants her to shine, not someone who only sees her as a companion if she dims her own light.
Real love doesn't demand abandonment of purpose. It makes space for it. It supports it. It celebrates it.
This is the time to pause and ask yourself: What kind of life partner do I truly need? One who walks beside me, or one who expects me to follow quietly? And if your inner voice is full of confusion, know that this is normal.
You are not selfish for valuing your career. You are not unloving for needing stability and self-respect.
Your next steps should come from a place of alignment -- with who you are now, and who you want to become.
If you'd like, I can help you reflect deeper through journaling prompts, or structure a conversation with him that allows you to express your truth clearly and without fear.
You deserve a love that expands you, not a love that asks you to shrink.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.
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