'Caring for one's parents is the husband's responsibility, especially if he is the earning member of the family.'
'The wife may be financially dependent on him but that does not create a legal obligation for her to serve or care for her in-laws.'
'I am bored.'
'We don't get along with each other.
'I don't get along with my in-laws.'
'Our lifestyles don't match'
'He snores too much.
'My husband and I want different things.'
The differences that cause modern couples to seek divorce may seem unreasonable to some but it's not uncommon anymore to choose separation when a relationship no longer seems to work.
According to Navaneet Kumar, (pictured left, below), lawyer and founding partner, Saxenas & Kumar Law Chambers LLP, India is seeing a steady rise in the number of individuals filing for divorce through mutual consent and for joint custody of the child/children.
"Unlike our parents, youngsters in India are becoming more aware of their rights and freedom. No one wants to suffer in silence anymore. While some are genuine cases, it's now common to see couples filing for divorce within three months of their marriage," Kumar, who has been practising law for 12 years, tells Divya Nair/Rediff.
Are cruelty, dowry and domestic violence the top reasons for divorce in India?
Can a man or woman falsely accuse their spouse in their divorce petition?
In cases where the husband and wife do not get along with each other, or the wife is financially dependent on the husband, what does the law say about the right to maintenance and financial support?
In the first of a two-part interview, Navaneet Kumar explains how social conditioning and financial independence influence people to file for divorce instead of saving their marriage, while also breaking down the legal limitations and practical realities involved.
India is seeing a rising rate of divorce among young and older couples. What do you think is influencing this change?
Basically, India can be broadly divided into two parts -- urban and rural -- when viewed through the lens of income, social background and financial status. When we discuss divorce, especially in the context of dowry and domestic violence, there are significant misconceptions. These issues are often seen as the primary reasons for divorce but the reality is more complex.
The situation is largely similar in both rural and urban areas because the law has not evolved adequately to address present-day realities.
Even today, under the Hindu marriage law, there is no clear legal provision that recognises incompatibility or the lack of emotional connection as a valid, standalone ground for divorce.
As a result, many couples are forced to file civil complaints or allege serious issues to obtain a divorce.
In many cases, people simply feel that they are not compatible -- they may not like their partner's nature, lifestyle or family environment.
Essentially, the marriage has broken down but Indian law does not fully acknowledge this breakdown as sufficient grounds for separation or divorce. Because of this gap, courts often push couples towards counselling and mediation. In many cases, false or exaggerated reasons are provided to meet legal requirements.
There have been important Supreme Court judgments on domestic violence and FIR registrations.
Both the Supreme Court and the high courts have also repeatedly stated that false and fabricated cases harm genuine victims and weaken the legal system.
At one point, the court clarified that police authorities should not arrest individuals in divorce cases without the consent of senior officers. However, later interpretations allowed police to file FIRs and make arrests in domestic violence cases again. This inconsistency highlights the need for legal reform.
Ideally, the law must evolve to reflect social realities and protect both genuine victims and those falsely accused.
Coming to rural settings, domestic conflicts often arise due to income disparity. For instance, if a husband earns Rs 40,000 and the wife earns Rs 60,000, tensions may arise -- especially in patriarchal households where the husband's family does not accept a working woman or her independence.
This clash of expectations, rooted in traditional village mindsets, often leads to friction and, eventually, divorce.
What are some of the legal rights couples should be aware of?
Legally, a father has no legal right to slap his son. If a father beats his child -- especially if the child is 18 years old or above -- the son can file a complaint against the father for abuse. In such a situation, an FIR can be registered against the father.
Now, this creates a complex situation. The father may be the only person taking care of the child -- managing her/his education, finances, social needs and overall upbringing. Yet, legally, he has no authority to physically discipline the child.
The problem here is that earlier, people placed morality and ethics above legal rights. Social norms acted as boundaries and people exercised their rights within those moral limits. Today, awareness of rights has increased but the sense of responsibility and moral restraint has weakened.
We see couples often seeking divorce on grounds of 'cruelty'. Could you explain what cruelty means as per the law?
Let me give you a real case example. A mother-in-law asked her daughter-in-law to wake up on time and take a bath before entering the kitchen. Now, this may be a house rule but such a rule is not enforceable under law.
Forcing someone to follow household rules against their will can be interpreted legally as cruelty.
The wife, who is aware of her rights, may feel harassed and think, 'This is too much; I am being troubled.'
When she approaches a lawyer, a legal professional may categorise this behaviour as cruelty, forming the basis for a legal complaint.
What are some of the other limitations or laws couples should be aware of?
The Supreme Court has clearly held that a husband cannot force his wife to take care of his parents. Caring for his parents is the husband's responsibility, especially if he is the earning member of the family. The wife may be financially dependent on him but that does not create a legal obligation for her to serve or care for her in-laws.
At the same time, the wife does have certain duties towards the household and children. But those duties are limited and cannot be enforced through coercion.
The real problem arises when the wife refuses to live with the husband's parents. It creates a serious dilemma for the man. He has to choose between his wife, his children and his ageing parents.
The husband may say: 'If you won't live with my parents, then we'll have to live separately.'
No law clearly governs what happens in this situation. The Supreme Court does not offer a practical solution for this emotional and financial conflict. This leads to friction, heated arguments and eventually allegations of cruelty.
From a legal angle, a wife has no right to demand money from her in-laws. She can, however, demand a separate residence as long as she does not prevent the husband from taking care of his parents. But if she explicitly says, 'You must not take care of your parents,' that amounts to mental cruelty.
Imagine this situation: The couple moves into a separate house. The parents are left behind. Later, the parents may say to the son, 'We are not financially well off, we cannot manage ourselves.' Who should the man choose?
Now consider this situation: The husband sets up a separate home and moves away from his in-laws. Later, the parents-in-law approach him and say they are not in a condition to manage on their own and need care and financial support.
Both these situations create financial stress, emotional distress and additional responsibility for the husband. These dilemmas are major issues in urban areas, driven largely by third-party expectations.
In a recent counselling case, a husband earning Rs 50 lakh annually and a housewife mutually decided to divorce. The husband verbally agreed to provide maintenance and transfer a residential property to his wife. However, for three months, he avoided signing any documents.
Later, the wife learned that the husband had an extramarital affair. She wanted to file a contested divorce but she was advised that a contested divorce could take 2 to 2.5 years, and maintenance orders may take three to six months.
Even after court's orders, enforcement may take another six to eight months. If payments are delayed, she would need to file execution proceedings
During this entire period, survival without savings would be extremely difficult. She was advised to secure at least Rs 10 lakh to Rs 15 lakh in savings before filing so she could sustain herself through the legal process.
This highlights a harsh reality -- without financial independence, even legally strong cases become practically impossible to pursue.
When it comes to filing for a divorce or moving on from a divorce, does society look at men and women differently?
Whether you are financially independent or not, filing for a separation or divorce is still not easy for women.
However, if a woman is financially strong, the situation becomes different. People hesitate to question her directly. They know she is aware of her rights and women are strongly protected under the law. Whatever decision she takes legally, very few can challenge it.
In Bollywood, after a couple announces or files for divorce, people hardly question the man. He continues living independently, moves on and no one interferes or asks uncomfortable questions.
But when it comes to a woman, why does society react differently?
The real problem arises in rural or conservative family setups. Neighbours and relatives start asking questions: 'How can you move on so soon?' 'How can you get involved with another person?'
These social pressures heavily influence decision-making.
I have a client who has been married for over 32 years. Her son is studying in Switzerland, pursuing a medical career.
On paper, everything looks perfect.
But when the question of divorce came up, her first concern was: 'What will society say?'
I told her one simple thing: 'You are educated, independent and financially secure, yet you are worried about society's opinion. Instead, think about yourself.
'If you were lying sick in bed, would society come to take care of you? I don't think so.
'When you are wealthy and financially stable, society notices you. Otherwise, once you shut the door of your room, no one really cares.
'Your son is well-settled. Your daughter-in-law is doing her PhD. Whether the son returns to India or not is uncertain. He is still completing his medical graduation and has two more years to go. His responsibilities -- financial and otherwise -- are shared between you and him.
'Financially, you are sound. You can manage his education and responsibilities.
'Realistically, I don't think your children will have much time to look after you. You know their lifestyle and they know yours.
'The real question is: What do YOU want? Not what society wants.'
That is the core problem. Women find it very difficult to put themselves first and that is why they end up settling for less.
Why do you think women hesitate to put themselves first in a relationship?
In my experience, this hesitation is seen more in women than in men not because women are at fault but because we live in a society where a woman's choices are far more visible and scrutinised than a man's.
I am not talking about fault or blame here. I am talking about visibility.
If you go to any social function, whether the husband attends it or not, the wife is almost always present. In most social gatherings, the percentage of women's participation is higher. Women are generally more socially involved. This could be because women manage time better or because they are expected to handle both professional and domestic responsibilities.
Men, on the other hand, are still seen -- especially in a patriarchal society -- as having one primary duty: Work, earn money, and provide for the family.
Expectations from men are limited. But expectations from women are unlimited -- whether it is morality, responsibility, household duties, behaviour or conduct.
You will never hear rules in offices like: 'You must take a bath before entering the office.' But in 70 per cent of Indian homes, you will often hear elders or in-laws tell their daughters and daughters-in-law: 'You must take a bath before entering the kitchen.'
This disparity, I think, is both unfair and cruel.
What are some of the strangest reasons why people choose to end their relationship?
On social media, it is very easy to criticise the government and society but you have to understand the full picture. If a woman is stepping out late in the night in a city like Delhi and she is not answering his calls, saying that he is bothering her repeatedly, this is a silly issue.
If you are married and working, you are not single anymore. And if someone is waiting for you at home, at least communicate it to your partner. But if it happens every weekend, and if you are living under the same roof with someone, both parties need to make some adjustments.
There are situations where people come and say, 'I got married three months ago, get me a divorce.' How can we do that?
If you have been separated for three years, you can file for divorce, state your reason and if the other party accepts it, the decree will be issued in six months.
According to the law, it usually takes about six months for the decree.
Divorce rules under the Hindu Marriage Act say that you can even file a contested divorce the very next day.
In a mutual consent divorce, a separation period of 365 days is required. Marriages can also be nullified or declared void. If there was deception or if the husband misrepresented himself before marriage, nullity can be filed.
Long-distance marriage or work-related long-distance is not considered a ground for divorce. If the husband and wife are working in different cities, it is not 'cruelty' as long as necessary quality time is being spent.
For example, if the wife is sick and the husband does not take care of her, that could be considered cruelty.
We always advise our clients to first try and save the marriage. Even if a case is filed in court, mediation and discussion should be used to resolve disputes.
If a client admits it is affecting their lives and nothing works out, we help them take the legal route.
In your observation, do men and women take equal time to move on after a divorce?
Whether in urban or rural India, our society is still not truly open-minded about women dating after a divorce.
After a divorce decree is passed, families, especially in rural areas, are eager to remarry the woman quickly. She is rarely given the independence or time to decide what is best for her future. Dating, in such cases, is almost unheard of.
In rural India, the concept of dating is extremely limited compared to urban areas. Where dating does happen, it is often restricted to phone calls, chats or videos, which increases the risk of exploitation and cybercrime. Awareness of one's rights makes a significant difference here.
For example, a woman from a village in Bihar or Jharkhand earning Rs 25,000 a month may be fully aware of her legal rights. If she knows she can survive independently, she may choose not to remarry immediately. She might prefer to receive temporary maintenance (Rs 10,000 to Rs 15,000) just to buy time to think about her future.
This independent decision-making, however is still difficult for many women in rural areas.
When it comes to dating after a divorce, the biggest influencing factor -- both in urban and rural settings -- is financial independence.
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