Focus on building a healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationship instead of comparing them with your ex, suggests rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, QuackQuack.
Dating your ex's best friend or sibling, or as a matter of fact, anyone related to your ex is tricky.
It is crucial to tread carefully in such a situation and make sure not to hurt anyone's feelings in the process.
In recent years, people dating someone from their ex's social circle has become common, with most people having a shared group of friends.
It's always a slippery slope but communication seems to be the one thing that has worked out for most.
Here are some DOs and DON'Ts to keep in mind while dating your ex's acquaintance
- You can ask Ravi Mittal your relationship questions HERE.
DOs
Open and Honest Communication
Ensure that your current partner knows how you are related to their friend or sibling.
Communicate it to your partner before making commitments and promises.
Everything must be out there in the open for both parties to gauge the situation and make the next move.
Set Boundaries
Set boundaries with your ex before getting romantically involved with their friend or sibling.
Moreover, be respectful of your ex's feelings and understand that they might not be comfortable with the new equation.
You don't need their blessing to go ahead with this relationship, nor should you force your ex to be understanding, as long as everyone is minding their own business and not interfering.
Don't Rush It
If you happen to have or develop feelings for someone close to your ex, allow an appropriate amount of time to pass after your break up before you pursue the new relationship.
Immediately rushing into a new relationship, especially with your ex's friend, can be immensely hurtful and disrespectful.
Prioritise Your Partner
Your ex, being the common thread, might come up in your new relationship once in a while, but it is essential to show your partner that they are your priority now.
Focus on building a healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationship instead of comparing them with your ex.
It will affect not only your relationship but also your partner's friendship with your ex.
Show Sensitivity
Understand that it is not the ideal situation for your partner, who is also close to your ex.
Be empathetic and supportive in every step of the way. They stand to lose more than you do.
DON'Ts
Don't Discuss Your ex
It is one thing to date your ex's friend, but it is completely unethical and uncalled for to talk behind your ex's back and gossip about them.
You might have been privy to a lot of private details about your ex's life when you two were together.
But just because you broke up and started dating their friend does not mean you should discuss all of that with your new partner. Do not engage in gossip about your ex.
Don't Rub It On Their Face
Even if your last relationship ended on a bad note, it's important that you remain sensitive, and don't rub your new relationship on your ex's face.
There might be some residual feeling in their heart for you, and flaunting your relationship with someone close to your ex might be hurtful and create unnecessary tension between all the parties involved.
Don't Show Off
You are in a new relationship, and you are happy. It calls for celebrations, and it's understandable that you want to show your new partner off to the world.
But your situation demands some discretion, especially since you might have a lot of mutual friends with your ex.
Keep your relationship low-key at least during the initial stages.
Don't Expect Acceptance
Your ex is in no way obligated to accept your new relationship with their friend or sibling.
Do not force it or expect your ex to be happy about this new development.
Give them ample time to process and come to terms with the new relationship.
You also have to understand that it might never happen, and you and your partner have to make your peace with it.
Don't Neglect Your Partner
While trying to be considerate of your ex's feelings, don't neglect your current partner or make them feel second on your list of priorities.
Give them the time and attention they deserve.
Your situation might be a little different from a normal new relationship, nevertheless, it is a budding relationship, and it needs nurturing.
Don't Ignore Your Feelings
Trying to be considerate to your ex and your current partner, don't ignore your own feelings. You need as much love and understanding as they do.
Take your own emotions into account. Don't feel obligated to continue the relationship even if it starts to get uncomfortable.
Make sure your partner understands the same.
Ultimately, it has to be understood that it is yet another relationship, but with just one more obstacle to beat.
Empathy, open communication, and maturity can help your relationship grow without too much collateral damage.
- You can ask Ravi Mittal your relationship questions HERE.
Feature Presentation: Ashish Narsale/Rediff.com
