Sukanya Verma had multiple migraines making sense of the utterly daft, warped and awful Ek Villain Returns.
Mohit Suri's movies are a baffling beast.
Though his world may deceptively resemble ours, look a little closer and it's an altogether different universe run over by aliens.
I underwent multiple migraines making sense of his utterly daft, warped and awful Ek Villain Returns.
Where Ek Villain ripped off South Korean thriller I Saw The Devil, Ek Villain Returns is a preposterous idea that should have never left Suri's head.
If you wish to know beyond that 70-words review, read on.
Two guys, two girlfriends, two chronologies -- Ek Villain Returns shifts back and forth between six months, three months and present day to chronicle beefcakes with beards and bad attitude and glam dolls flaunting their hourglass figures in outfits designed to do just that.
Gautam (Arjun Kapoor) is a wayward brat in possession of all his dad's (Bharat Dabholkar) wealth despite the latter not wanting to part with it.
We never learn why or how.
When not gate-crashing an ex-girlfriend's wedding, he stalks an aspiring singer (Tara Sutaria) and paves the way for her career breakthrough by stalking her more famous rival and scaring her off.
Aarvi (Sutaria) is a wannabe pop star sulking about her illegitimacy and dad's lack of acceptance.
Both the existence of Gautam and Aarvi's romance and the reason for betrayal remain Ek Villain Returns' enduring mystery.
On the other hand, Bhairav (John Abraham) juggles jobs between cabbie and zookeeper, spending all his income buying shirts from a salesgirl called Rasika (Disha Patani) whom he regularly stalks.
Rasika enjoys unwanted attention, flirting and life in the fast lane.
'Maar do ya mar jao,' she smiles.
Meanwhile, Gautam is all for 'marna chalega, haarna nahi.'
He keeps repeating that again and again throughout the movie whereas Bhairav cannot stop parroting, 'rating dena mat bhoolna'.
You know how some kids write the same line over and over to make the text appear lengthy? It's like those kids grew up to become Ek Villain Returns writers.
Before descending into a twisted tale of one-sided love and masochistic sex, Ek Villain Returns starts out on a found footage note with a video recording (filmed by God-knows-who) showing a masked murderer pounding everything in sight.
The Smiley Killer is back in town, ensuing in Aarvi's disappearance and Gautam suspected of foul play.
But it's Bhairav and Rasika's connection to the scene of violence that left me confounded before the interval and in complete splits after it.
Amidst this madness, Chakravarthy plays a know-all cop, who doesn’t have the slightest clue of what’s happening.
All the gyaan he dispenses blows up in his face in such comical ways, if only it was funny too.
Ek Villain Returns has only perverse nonsense on its mind, every bit of it suggests such hate for women.
Women are pathetic beings in Suri's latest, either taking all the blame for the men's wrongdoings or embracing malicious, stifling affection as true love.
It's not just misogyny, the writing is plain moronic.
Even a fourth grader will tell you who is behind the mask.
There's no element of menace, surprise or sense.
It's the kind of baloney where characters claim sentiments like 'duniya mein sabse zyada pyaar' for someone they met only six months ago and every second scene's cue is dramatic rain.
I don't think Suri has ever travelled by a metro train because he believes Arjun Kapoor's mighty head can crack through polycarbonate glass (unless it's some sly metaphor for thick-skulled) or John Abraham and his shirt can survive staying still stuck between the doors of a fast-moving train.
Alternating between a stalker's fantasy and romanticising the psychopath, Ek Villain Returns falls back on the popularity of the Galliyan track to boost its appeal.
It doesn't help nor does the serious lack of conviction in the cast.
It's hard to say if what Arjun Kapoor delivers is a performance or a revolving door.
John Abraham's steady supply of blank glares comes as no surprise but him standing next to a mannequin is a bold sight.
Tara Sutaria is exactly how she was in her first, second, third and fourth film.
Above all, there's Disha Patani playing out Mohit Suri's version of Gorilla Grodd's mind control super powers in Harley Quinn's hot body.
Bollywood needs to dish out better heroes and villains.
Even the CGI tiger in Ek Villain Returns showed little appetite for such masala.
I am only human.