How To Help Someone Who Talks About Suicide

Do not argue, debate or dispute any topic with someone who may be contemplating suicide or self harm, warns psychologist Dr Sahir Jamati.
Be non-judgemental and let the person know that you care about them and that he/she is not alone.

What do you do when a friend or a loved one talks about self-harm?

You feel shocked, worried and scarred.

It is natural to feel unsure or afraid that you might say the wrong thing to your friend.

On World Suicide Prevention Day, Dr Sahir Jamati, consulting psychologist and psychotherapist, tells Divya Nair/Rediff how to be sensitive while talking to a person who may be struggling with suicidal thoughts.

What are the possible triggers that one may think about self harm or ending their life?

There can be many triggers that can make an individual think about choosing to end their life.

• If an individual develops a feeling of hopelessness, worthlessness, agitation, social isolation, withdrawn or loneliness;
• Experiences an unmanageable stressful life event, such as the loss of a loved one, a breakup, challenging job, career crisis, chronic discrimination, financial crisis or legal problems;
• Have any addiction or substance abuse problem such as alcohol and drug abuse which can worsen thoughts of suicide and make an individual feel reckless, impulsive, careless, disoriented enough to act on suicidal thoughts;
• Have an underlying mental health disorder, such as Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Post-traumatic Stress disorder (PTSD), Bipolar disorder, Schizophrenia, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), etc.
• Have attempted suicide before, have preoccupation of suicidal thoughts and also having access to facility of commiting suicide inside home;
• Have a family history of mental health disorders, substance abuse, suicide, or violence, including physical or sexual abuse;
• Have a medical condition such as chronic disease, chronic pain or terminal illness;
• Experiences acute resistance towards sexual preferences like lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender with an unsupportive family or a hostile environment;
• Being a victim of bullying, harassment, physical or sexual abuse;
• Passive motivation from an experience of friend's or loved one's death due to suicide; etc.

What are the warning signs that someone you know is feeling suicidal?

There are two categories of suicidal thoughts -- passive suicidal thoughts and active suicidal thoughts.

Passive suicidal thoughts occur when an individual begins to have feelings of no motivation to live, but does not have a plan to take their life.

The person may say things like "I just wish I could go to sleep forever," or "I wish that the world just ends tomorrow."

In the case of active suicidal thoughts, the individual has no motivation to live, and also plans to end his/her life.

They may say or think: "It would be so easy to end my life by executing xyz plan."

In either of the cases, an individual just wants to end the ongoing pain of life for which he/she has started feeling hopeless and helpless.

Please remember that all suicidal thoughts or ideas should be taken seriously.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, you must seek professional help immediately.

Sometimes suicidal thoughts are not communicated directly. In such cases, the person may:

• Indirectly threaten to hurt or kill self, or talking of wanting to hurt or kill self;
• Look to facilitate ways to kill self by seeking access to poison, firearms, available pills, or any other means;
• Write about death wishes, mention situations of dying or suicide, etc.

A few other signs would be:

• Increased anxiety, depression, agitation, dramatic mood swings, lack of sleep or over sleeping most of the time;
• Substance abuse (alcohol or any drug) most of the time;
• Hopelessness -- no purpose of life and no reason to live;
• Withdrawal from relationships, friends and society. Feeling of intense guilt, shame or burden on close relations;
• Giving away their valuable and trophy possessions, seeking external long term care for their loved ones including pets;
• Careless, reckless or risky self behaviour, involving in activities without thinking anything;
• Feeling trapped inside their problems like there's no help available and no way out of it.

All of these signs may indicate potential risk of suicide.

Sometimes sudden improvement is noted drastically which seems to show everything is solved, which also can be a danger sign as some people would have planned to commit suicide and thus may appear happier or peaceful.

What should you do if a friend at your school/college talks about self harm or suicide?

Majority of suicidal individuals give some warning signs of their intentions to a friend or family member before attempting suicide.

As discussed above, please recognise and take all of these suicidal warning signs very seriously.

If you want to get involved, show your concern towards them by listening to what the person in crisis has to say.

Ask less interrogative and judgmental questions. Instead ask meaningful, open-ended questions. Show your willingness to talk to them about anything they want to discuss.

Do not argue, debate or dispute on any topic with someone who may be contemplating suicide or self harm. Rather, be non-judgemental and let the person know that you care about them and that he/she is not alone.

Avoid the confrontation part. Do not say, "You have such a good life," or "You should live for your family," or "You cannot leave your loved ones and go away."

Please motivate and encourage the individual to seek professional help.

Individuals with suicidal thoughts do not believe that they can be helped so you will have to do a little more to get the person feel confident.

You can take help from an experienced teacher, principal, counsellor or go to a doctor you can trust.

Ideally you must find a way to get the individual treated from a mental health professional or any reputed mental healthcare facility at your earliest.

Do not leave a person alone with high suicide risk even for a moment without assistance.

If you cannot stay with him/her, you can arrange for someone trustworthy to be with him/her.

Remove any sharp objects, drugs or poisonous materials the person may have access to, and keep the balcony and windows locked.

If the person has attempted self harm, you can dial an ambulance or emergency services and take the person with high suicide risk to nearby hospital as soon as you can.

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Please always seek the guidance of your doctor or a qualified health professional with any questions you may have regarding your health or a medical condition. Do not ever disregard the advice of a medical professional, or delay in seeking it because of something you have read herein.

If you believe you may have a medical or mental health emergency, please call your doctor, go to the nearest hospital, or call emergency services or emergency helplines immediately. If you choose to rely on any information provided herein, you do so solely at your own risk.

Opinions expressed herein cannot necessarily provide advice to fit the exact specifics of the issues of the person requesting advice.