» Getahead » DEAR LOVE GURU: My ex is stalking me

DEAR LOVE GURU: My ex is stalking me

October 13, 2021 12:39 IST
Get Rediff News in your Inbox:

Relationship problems? Let Love Guru help.

Love Guru

Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/

If you are facing relationship issues -- and if you are in a relationship, you're facing issues -- we have someone you can discuss them with freely.

Meet's Love Guru, who says, 'I've been told I give some pretty great advice. And some people think I'm funny, so if I can give you a laugh or two after your girlfriend stuck a fork in your face, why the hell not?'

So if you feel you want some personal advice, do write in to (Subject: Ask Love Guru).

If you wish to remain anonymous, do let us know and your name won't be disclosed when publishing responses to your queries.


Dear Love Guru,
Is attraction and friendship a good enough basis for a relationship?
What is love? How do I know if I am in love?
I have been dating since I was 16 and there are many times when I have liked more than one person very much.
I don’t think I am the playboy type. I know I am not out to hurt anyone, but how can I help how I feel?
I am 25 now. I have had some serious relationships but they have not got more serious. Break-ups are painful but I am able to move on.
I am wondering if there something wrong with me.

There’s nothing wrong with you, Manav; your love life sounds like that of a normal person.

You’ve had a few serious relationships and you’re only 25.

Being able to move on is a good thing, so stop worrying needlessly.

And yes, attraction and compatibility are a good foundation for any relationship. When that bond grows strong enough that you see yourself with a person for the foreseeable future… well, that’s love!

Hope I answered your question.

Dear Love Guru,
I had a lovely relationship when I was younger but things did not work out for us.
Now, we are both married to different people.
I have a wonderful wife and we are very happy. She knows all about my past.
In the beginning of last year, my ex and I bumped into each other with our respective spouses.
The meeting was pleasant and we visited each other’s homes too. She has two cute little children.
Soon after, though, she started sending me messages about how she is missing ‘us’. Sometimes, the messages cross the line but subtly.
I ignored it for some time but it started becoming too much.
I have told my wife and blocked my ex but I fear she will still create trouble.
What should I do?

Dear Akshay,

Stop letting this situation give you sleepless nights; I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

Your wife knows about your past.

You were also upfront with her about the messages your ex sent you, and then when they crossed the line you blocked her.

You’ve made all the right moves in handling the issue, so stop worrying.

It sounds like your wife and you share a strong bond and you’re both honest with each other; have confidence in your relationship.

What could your ex possibly do to create trouble?

I think after you’ve blocked her she must have got the hint loud and clear that you’re not interested in any extramarital dalliance with her.

We live in a complex and I like one of the girls there.
I managed to speak to her and she likes me too.
We are managing to talk and managing to meet, but the problem is her parents and my parents don’t like each other.
Some months ago, there was a big public showdown between them.
Now, if either of them come to know we are seeing each other, it will be bad.
How do we handle this?

Warring neighbours, eh? I don’t envy you Advith!

Maybe both of you need to come clear about this relationship to your parents and get it over with because, if they find out accidentally, the situation is bound to become worse.

Both of you can try speaking to each set of parents individually and then get them together to clear the air.

Neighbours do get into scraps and sometimes it’s for the silliest of reasons.

I hope better sense prevails all around. Good luck!

My wife had an affair before marriage.
She did not tell me about it.
After marriage, when I asked her, she admitted it but said she had no feelings for him any more.
How can I trust her when she did not tell me before marriage?
Should I divorce her?

Hey L, it’s not called an affair if it’s before marriage!

Yes, I agree that maybe she should have told you about it, but then you don’t exactly sound like the most open-minded person on the planet…you’re actually asking if you should get divorced over your wife being in a relationship before she married you! And it’s not like she lied either, she just wasn’t comfortable sharing that information.

My advice to you is: Loving someone means accepting their past. Stop being a fool about it!

Hi Love Guru
Isn’t love forever? Then how can it change? How does one fall out of love?
After our break-up, my boyfriend has moved on pretty quickly.
I’m still hurting.

I’m sorry to burst your bubble, M, but love isn’t always forever. It can change and people do fall out of love. Ergo break-ups and divorce.

I understand that your boyfriend having moved on so fast has hurt you, but that happens sometimes.

Don’t waste too much time pining over someone who didn’t deserve you.

You should make an effort to move on too.

This column is not for the psychologically disturbed, or those who need professional help for severe mental trauma. It's for those who can't discuss their issues freely with parents, or friends, or partner. Or dog. Or just want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual.

Maybe your partner is the problem? Or maybe you are the problem and just don't know it. And need's Love Guru to tell you just that.

So if you feel you want some personal advice, do write in to (Subject: Ask Love Guru).

If you wish to remain anonymous, do let us know and your name won't be disclosed when publishing responses to your queries.

Get Rediff News in your Inbox: