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No Lockdown Romance? Love Guru Tips

By LOVE GURU
July 12, 2021 12:14 IST
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Relationship problems? Let Love Guru help.

Love Guru

Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com

If you are facing relationship issues -- and if you are in a relationship, you're facing issues -- we have someone you can discuss them with freely.

Meet Rediff.com's Love Guru, who says, 'I've been told I give some pretty great advice. And some people think I'm funny, so if I can give you a laugh or two after your girlfriend stuck a fork in your face, why the hell not?'

So if you feel you want some personal advice, do write in to getahead@rediff.co.in(Subject: Ask Love Guru) .

If you wish to remain anonymous, do let us know and your name won't be disclosed when publishing responses to your queries.

 

Hi Love Guru
I'm young and this was supposed to be the best time of my life.
I was supposed to be dating and going dancing and pubbing.
I tried a few app dates but they were horrific.
Feeling frustrated.
Sanjay

Lockdown blues, eh?

Sanjay, this is a challenging time for all of us, buddy, but dating and dancing are the least of most people’s worries!

Consider yourself lucky that you’re not worrying about unpaid bills, unemployment, or ill health.

So if your next date has all the personality of wet mop, thank your lucky stars that that’s all, and move on to the next profile!

Dear Love Guru
I come from a conservative family and my parents have fixed my wedding after waiting in vain for the pandemic to end.
I am just 23, from Mumbai, the guy is from Delhi.
We got engaged via video call. It may sound strange, but we really haven’t interacted too much.
My parents say he’s decent, and the family is good and financially comfortable.
The wedding will be in Delhi soon.
I don’t want to get married now, in these times. If something happens to my parents, I will be so far away.
And I want to be stable and on my feet. But my parents feel, given the uncertainty and I am an only child, that I should get married now in case something happens to them.
What should I do?
Name withheld on request

Yeesh. Trust this typical Indian mindset of a woman needing a man to “look after” her!

I’m sorry but I disagree with your parents’ decision 100 percent. Their reasoning is ridiculous.

Please ask your parents from me, that if appearances deceive and this guy or his family make you unhappy, and then they’re not around anymore, what then?

You’ll be trapped in an unhappy marriage halfway across the country, with no one and no career to fall back on.

Damn straight you should be stable on your own two feet and nobody should tell you otherwise!

And who marries someone after a few Zoom calls?

Put your foot down and dodge the bullet, or you’ll regret it far more than remaining single.

Twenty-three is no age to marry anyway; it’s way too young!

Dear Love Guru
During the lockdown, I began a physical relationship with a single woman who lives in my colony.
We are careful and there are no rumours.
We both were lonely and needed someone. She is older than me and well maintained. I told her first only that I cannot marry her, but I feel she is becoming serious.
I have tried asking, but she avoids the topic.
I don’t want to break up until the pandemic is over, but I don’t want it to get serious.
What should I do?
Name withheld on request

Your name is withheld, but I’m guessing it rhymes with ‘selfish’!

All you want is sex and, since you’re getting it, you don’t care that the opposite person is getting emotionally invested? And you don’t want to end things till the pandemic is over because you won’t get any!

Here’s what you should do.

Be a gentleman, tell her it’s only physical for you and that you want to end things before she’s hurt.

My guess is it’s already a little late for that, but for heaven’s sake don’t let it get worse knowing what you know.

Also, why wouldn’t you marry her if she’s single and you find her attractive and compatible? So what if she’s older than you?

 From your mail it seems what other people think matters far more to you than what you feel yourself.

Dear Love Guru
I got married on March 19, 2020.
We are a joint family in a very small, 1 BHK apartment and my wife and I were going to move out on rent.
Because of the pandemic and the lockdown, my parents said no and the situation is becoming more and more frustrating for both of us (my wife and me). We don’t get any privacy or private time.
My parents don’t want us to move until the coronavirus is over and it is safe.
My wife has been patient but she is now getting upset.
Please advise.
Name withheld on request

I understand your parents’ insecurity, but you need to understand you’re an adult and a married one to boot.

These lockdowns and this disease are not going away anytime soon and, in the meantime, your marriage is deteriorating. It’s time to behave like an adult and make your own decisions.

‘My parents said no,’ doesn’t cut it.

Maybe you can move somewhere close by so their fears are also assuaged. And at the same time, your wife will be happy in her own space.

Dear Love Guru
My girlfriend and I live in different cities.
We have had a good relationship for seven years.
A couple of months ago, she lost her mother to COVID.
Her father passed away some years ago.
This has changed her a lot.
Because of certain circumstances, I can’t go and be with her.
I have asked her to come here and live with me at least for a few months so that I can help her and look after her. It won’t affect her job. But she won’t.
How can I help her?
We are both above 25.
Name withheld on request.

She is undergoing a difficult time; the loss of a parent can be devastating.

You have not explained what circumstances prevent you from going to her, nor why she is unwilling to come stay with you so I cannot comment on who should go where.

If you are unable to reason with her, maybe suggest grief counselling; a therapist may be able to help her arrive at a decision that benefits both of you and your relationship.


This column is not for the psychologically disturbed, or those who need professional help for severe mental trauma. It's for those who can't discuss their issues freely with parents, or friends, or partner. Or dog. Or just want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual.

Maybe your partner is the problem? Or maybe you are the problem and just don't know it. And need Rediff.com's Love Guru to tell you just that.

So if you feel you want some personal advice, do write in to getahead@rediff.co.in (Subject: Ask Love Guru).

If you wish to remain anonymous, do let us know and your name won't be disclosed when publishing responses to your queries.

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