'Six months of no sexual intimacy, especially when one partner is still trying, is not just a phase to wait out.'
'It's a signal that something deeper may be going on emotionally, physically or relationally with your husband.'
Do you feel that your marriage is slowly dying?
You may not be arguing or fighting with your partner every day but there is no sex or intimacy between you.
If you think the romance has faded after having children, you're not alone.
According to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, a mind coach and founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, "the transition from being partners to parents often shifts emotional energy toward caregiving, survival and responsibility."
"Many couples go through seasons where intimacy takes a back seat due to stress, exhaustion, resentment, unspoken hurts or even changing hormones."
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.
Anonymous: We haven't had sex in 6 months. Are we even a couple anymore?
It's not that I haven't tried. In fact, I've made the effort so many times.
I have dropped hints, dressed up in pretty outfits. But my husband always says he's too tired, too stressed or just not in the mood.
We're only in our early 30s, married for five years. We have a four-year old son.
I think the gap widened after my son turned two.
I'm starting to feel rejected and unwanted. Are we just going through a rough patch?
Yes, it's possible this is a rough patch. The transition from being partners to parents often shifts emotional energy toward caregiving, survival, and responsibility.
Many couples go through seasons where intimacy takes a back seat, due to stress, exhaustion, resentment, unspoken hurts or even changing hormones.
But six months of no sexual intimacy, especially when one partner is still trying, is not just a phase to wait out. It's a signal that something deeper may be going on emotionally, physically or relationally with your husband.
The most important thing now is to move from subtle hints to open-hearted conversation. Not confrontation, not blame. But a real, calm moment where you say something like:
'I've been feeling increasingly distant from you, not just physically, but emotionally.
'I know life has been exhausting and we're both stretched. But I miss being close to you. I miss feeling wanted, seen, connected. Can we talk about what’s going on between us? Not to pressure or fix it overnight but just to understand where we are?''
By saying this, you're not asking for sex. You're asking for honesty, presence and partnership.
And if your husband is emotionally closed or dismissive, it may help to involve a couple's therapist -- someone neutral who can help unpack any barriers between you two.
This isn't just about sex. It's about closeness and the quiet loneliness that's creeping in despite being married and sharing a home and child.
Don't keep absorbing that pain in silence. You deserve connection, not confusion. And your marriage deserves a chance to heal, not just survive.
You're not overreacting. You're paying attention and that's the first step toward change.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.
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