<p'I was constantly under the microscope. Eventually, I had to ask myself if I was still happy. If I wanted to continue, I needed to find that joy again.'
There comes a time in every athlete’s life when the weight of expectation becomes more than just a motivational tool -- it becomes a burden.
For Virat Kohli, that moment came in the quiet storm between 2016 and 2019, when the spotlight that had once lit up his ambition began to cast long, weary shadows.
Speaking candidly on the RCB Podcast with Mayanti Langer, Kohli peeled back the layers on what he called one of the most emotionally draining phases of his career. As captain of both the Indian cricket team and Royal Challengers Bangalore, he stood at the centre of a storm -- lauded when the team won, dissected when it didn’t.
“I was captaining India for 7-8 years and RCB for 9 years,” he recalled.
“And with that came expectations with the bat in every single game. It became too much. The intensity, the scrutiny -- there was no space to just breathe.”
By the end of the 2021 IPL season, Kohli had decided to step down as RCB’s captain. Soon after, he voluntarily relinquished the T20I leadership, only to be removed from the ODI captaincy by the BCCI—a decision that led to a rare public rift with then-board president Sourav Ganguly. The saga concluded in early 2022, when Kohli stepped away from Test captaincy as well.
But the decision to step away wasn’t just about cricket -- it was about rediscovering himself.
“I never felt like the attention was off me,” Kohli said.
“I was constantly under the microscope. Eventually, I had to ask myself if I was still happy. If I wanted to continue, I needed to find that joy again.”
And in a revelation that may surprise many, Kohli admitted he once contemplated leaving RCB -- a team he’s been associated with since the inception of the IPL.
“I wouldn’t say I was tempted, but I did think about it,” he confessed.
“There were suggestions to switch teams, especially during those peak years. But in the end, I asked myself what really matters.”
For Kohli, the answer lay not in trophies or fresh starts, but in something more intangible --- loyalty, belonging, and relationships built over time.
“This is my home,” he said simply.
“Whether we win or not, it’s fine. What matters is the mutual respect, the journey. I’ve won a lot for India. I don’t need to chase something new just to feel validated. I wanted to stay true to the place that backed me, to the people who mattered.”
In an era where the game is often reduced to numbers and narratives, Kohli’s words are a reminder that behind every performance is a person—flawed, vulnerable, searching. And sometimes, letting go is the only way to hold on.
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