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The Introverts' Guide to Dating

By RAVI MITTAL
October 11, 2022 12:46 IST
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Stop fantasising about a perfect date or a mediocre one leading to the love story of the century.
Focus on the positive moments of your date and forget the parts that did not play out so well, advises Ravi Mittal, CEO, Quack Quack, an online dating app.

The Introvert's Guide to Dating

Kindly note the image -- a scene from Mismatched that streams on Netflix -- has been posted only for representational purposes.

'I am an introvert.'

There's no shame in admitting your innate character.

But when it comes to dating, it can be a challenge for introverts.

Let's face the truth. Introverts have a lot of strengths, but people skills is not one of them.

Being a bit socially awkward makes dating a tricky affair.

But luckily, we have some tips that make 'putting yourself out there' a little less daunting.

1. Being perfect is overrated. Be You.

What is it that introverts fear about dating? It's the pretence!

The small talks, the polite laughs, the white lies -- "it was nice to meet you," and more.

A date can almost feel like a performance, not a well-done one at that.

So chuck the desire to be liked and embrace the awkward silences which are mandatory to make a grand appearance on any date with an introvert.

It is natural to want to make a lasting impression, but pretending to be someone else won't cut it. And who knows, maybe your clumsy and shy mannerisms are precisely what makes you adorable.

2. Plan something compact and fun!

Introverts are known to get exhausted after a long-term interaction with people, newcomers, and large groups, to be precise.

It is not that they don't enjoy the company, but often you'll find them in a corner by themselves.

So plan a date that is short but remarkable.

How about a movie and dinner? Or a comedy show and coffee?

That way, you have enough time to talk and get to know one another and to balance out all that talking, you have an activity to enjoy together.

3. Practice calming techniques

Pay attention; this might come in handy.

It's a date; it is essentially interacting with a stranger.

It might get slightly overwhelming.

What do you do in moments like these?

Mentally detecting and naming objects in the room can work to calm your mind and leave no room for overbearing negativities in your head.

It will quiet your thoughts and let you engage with your date even better.

4. Dress comfortably

While dressing to impress makes a compelling case, comfort takes precedence.

If it makes you more comfortable, go ahead with an oversized tee and plain blue jeans.

Comfort exudes confidence.

If dressy flashy clothes are not your thing, toss them.

There's no hard and fast dress code for a date. You do you, boo.

5. Little prep goes a long way

Introverts are not known to thrive under pressure.

Your date asks you a meaningful question, and you start freaking out internally and eventually mumble something unintelligible, or worse, say nothing.

A little prepping for the conversation and pre-planning your questions has never harmed anyone.

Find out some things about your date in advance and come up with topics that won't hit a dead end. Get on with some digital snooping.

6. Avoid overthinking

Ah, the joy of being an introvert comes with the burden of overthinking.

Whether it is how you did on your date or how you will do on the upcoming one, ruminating is in an introvert's nature.

Take a deep breath, and stop dissecting every word that comes out of your mouth on a date.

Overthinking has rarely ever led to anything besides stress and anxiety.

Focus on the positive moments of your date and forget the parts that did not play out so well. That's life.

7. Come out of the fantasy world

Introverts have the superpower of rich imagination and fantasy.

With great powers come great responsibilities.

Filling out the spaces and making stories in your head can be a wonderful thing. But once out of hand, can lead to greater perils.

Stop fantasising about a perfect date or a mediocre one leading to the love story of the century.

Reel in your imagination and understand that your shared passion for Game Of Thrones does not make you soulmates.

8. Seek feedback

What if all your dates are turning into disasters?

It's time for feedback.

If most of your dates have been catastrophic, it might be a good idea to ask your date what exactly went wrong.

It's not like you were going on a second one.

If you lack social skills, which you most likely do, it's okay.

Ask your close friends for advice.

Paint them an idea of your date, and ask for feedback.

They will cringe but also turn out to be immensely helpful.

9. Make the most of online dating

It might be intimidating to meet someone new before you know a little bit about them.

Try online dating. It might just do the trick for you.

In-person interactions are not an introvert's strongest suit. But online dating gives you a chance to know your date, at least their talking habits, their likes and dislikes, ideologies, and other aspects that define them before going out with them.

10. Have a Plan B

In the unlikely event of being stuck on the worst date in the world, you better have an emergency exit planned ahead of time.

A solid exit plan will let you get through the drag of a date more smoothly than you can imagine.

It's the confidence of having a plan in the first place; the fact that you can get out anytime you want calms your nerves.

However frustrating it might sound, it is indeed all in your head.

The fear, the consciousness, the overthinking, these all are your mind playing tricks on you.

While we hope these tricks and tips help you, the only absolute way to succeed is to calculatedly ignore these emotions and do what you like despite it.

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RAVI MITTAL