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'What's the secret to a happy marriage?'

Last updated on: December 18, 2014 16:07 IST

What's the secret to a happy marriage?

"Does love exist?"

"When billions of couples continue to make their life together based on it, who am I or who are you to question or deny its existence!"

"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

In a weekly chat with readers, Rediff.com's Love Guru offers relationship advice.

For those who missed the chat on December 18, here's the transcript:


yasmin: Dear Love Guru, Every time my BF abuse me in front of my friends and he says he like it but I feel very bad about it. How to tackle this situation?

Love Guru: Yasmin, you've got a brute as a boyfriend, seems to me. Now the choice is yours, but if I were in your situation, I wouldn't continue in an abusive one as what you have described. But as I said, the choice is entirely yours.


narayan: Hi LG, does love really exist or it is just physical attraction. can you tell in brief.

Love Guru: Narayan, so you think love doesn't involve physical attraction. I think there's a bit of each in both.

But to answer your main question, does love exist, when billions of couples continue to make their life together based on it, who am I or who are you to question or deny its existence!

The proof is there right before our eyes, unless you wish to deny what you see


farhad-khan: Hi, Love guru. I am in a relation with a girl from two years she is another caste, and she is daughter of our landlord I know she loves me very much, but she is not of my caste and her family against her, I have tried a lot of times to convince her family, but they are not ready to accept me....please help!!!

Love Guru: farhad-khan, parental opposition doesn't leave many options, actually it leaves only one option.

Is that what you have in mind?

Before deciding on it, please speak to your girlfriend to find out if she is with you, as it will involve going against her parents.

If she agrees with your plan, good. If she doesn't, then there isn't much you can do in the given situation


Vikash: In an office both of us used to throw signals and have talked with each other for nearly 40 days.

After I left the office she never showed so much interest when she was with me in the same office.

Now I go and meet her near a shop where she comes for buying for few minutes. But if I say her to meet on Saturdays, she denies. We have not proposed each other still. Help.

Love Guru: Vikash, nothing for you to do, she is not interested in you in the manner you'd like.

Sure, she spoke to yo etc in the office, but that was a colleague sharing similar concerns.

Once you left that place, you ceased to have any significance for her. So I advise you to read the obvious signals and not waste your time pursuing her. Get moving.


jayaram mysore: Am married for 9 years and have two kids, recently I have a crush with my daughter's teacher who resides near our house and does frequent visits.

She spends much time with us, but when called over phone she does not respond much and she is married.

I am mad about her and want to confess my feelings. Please help....

Love Guru: Jayaram Mysore, you are suffering from a death wish, seems to me.

Not only are you about to derail your life, but also the teacher's, with your stupidity, as well as harming your child's academics. And all for what?

It's okay to have crushes etc, but to consider what you plan to do calls for recklessness. Before doing what you want to do, at least realise the consequences


Ankit Dave: We were in a relationship for the past 2 years but due to some personal reason we broke up. Now she is continue telling me to start it again which I don't.

How can I get her to stop? I don't like and love her any more now.

On this topic we had discussion also. What to do LG?

Love Guru: Ankit Dave, can someone force you into a relationship which you don't want?

So I fail to understand your anxiety. Or do you worry that you will end up saying 'yes' to her when you really want to say 'no'?

If you want her stop pestering you, tell her so, after that stop taking her phone calls, block her number, don't reply to her e-mails. I mean, do you need to be told all this?


srksangam: I like very much my wife's sister. She also likes me very much. Is it love or affection? I do not know; I think about her all the time. We have an age gap of 14 years. What to do?

Love Guru: srksangam, avoid and desist. It's fine to fantasise about your wife's sister but do not try to make it a reality -- unless you wish to disrupt, even destroy your life as it is now.

Your wife's sister may be fond of you, a lot of men in your situation tend to misread it as something else and repent it.

I have told you what I think of the situation, the rest is up to you.


sunshineacademy: Hi LG . I want to marry a girl who loves me .....but parents wants a girl who can help in business means they want professional girl and such girls are not good in love ...what to do

Love Guru: sunshineacademy, I don't know what you mean by 'such girls are not good in love' but I will let that pass. But it is for you to decide if you are marrying for yourself or for your parents.

Do you fear your parents will cut you off from the family business, which could affect your finances? But you should have thought of these things before you decided to fall in love


Sonal Chakravorty: Dear Love Guru I am in relation with a guy since last two years.

We are having physical relation also due to this I had to terminate my pregnancy many times.

Now he does not want any commitment and is not ready for marriage. I can't live without him. Tell me what to do.

Love Guru: Sonal Chakravorty, is it possible for you to develop a brain? No, seriously.

You can't see that the man is using you, sure you like to be used thus by him, else you wouldn't have continued in this lose-lose situation for so long.

If you believe you can't live without him, sure, carry on, but at least don't expect any status in return since he has told you categorically that it is not possible


Bhagwan Das: I tend to loose love to your partner after 20 years of courtship. Need remedies

Love Guru: Bhagwan Das, if the loss of interest is physical, there are remedies available in a medical store.

If the loss of interest is emotional, then only can you solve it.

Most couples undergo this after a time, you are not alone in it, and most people deal with it. You can overcome it if you set your mind to it.


NAVEEN PUJAR: We are married for 10 years and have a 5-yr-old sweet daughter.

We both love her a lot and she too loves us a lot, but doesn't allow us to love each other, in fact we do get time from her, and she always craves our attention.

By the time she sleeps we too would be too tired to talk or make out.

We are frustrated. And we both get angry and snappy at little things. Pls hlp.

Love Guru: Naveen Pujjar, a 5-year-old would surely have started going to pre-school, KG, whatever?

Which should give the two of you time to catch up?

I agree it's not much, but as your child is at the stage when she needs her parents' constant attention, every minute you can find for yourself is a bonus.

But thankfully, her phase is not forever, only a couple of years max, till she makes her own friends


Vinit Araj: Hi LG, I do not believe in love. My friends think there is something wrong with me. What should I do?

Love Guru: Vinit Araj, nothing. There are people who believe in love, there are people who don't believe in love.

If both weren't there, I wouldn't be in business!


Teju Salian: Sir I am 21. My parents are looking for a groom for me.

I do not want to get married so early. How do I convince my parents? They think I am in love with someone else.

Love Guru: Teju Salian, if the reason your parents want you to get married off is because they think you are in love with someone, then the easiest thing to do is convince them you are. But are you?

I agree that 21 is too early for marriage. But why don't you want to get married?

The reasons you have lined up, why don't you explain them?

Parents usually see reason if the child is reasonable, so try it.


Bharat Rakshak: Dear Love Guru, what is the secret to a happy marriage?

Love Guru: Bharat Rakshak, there can be no 100 per cent happy marriage, consider yourself among the rare cases if you have a reasonably happy marriage.

That's because any situation that throws in two humans (or more if you count the children) in close proximity is a recipe for complex interplay of emotions, bodies, even hormones.

Within that frame, however, two people can be reasonably happy if they tried sincerely.


Sonal: Hi lg, I'm not able to decide whether I love this guy or not. How can I be sure?

Love Guru: Sonal, the question shows you don't. If you loved someone, this question can never arise, you will know instinctively


lokesh kumar: hello LG I'm simple boy and I love a very beautiful and talented girl.

Since the last 3 years she is very close to me but doesn't love me. I'm very disturbed.

When I proposed my love to her she told me very diplometically answered and since the last few days she is not talking to me . plzzz help me

Love Guru: Lokesh Kumar, as the old saying goes, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. So she is a fantastic girl, so you loved her, so she didn't love you.

These things happen; it's not always that the person we love should love us back in the same manner.

If that was the case the world will be poorer of poets and philosophers.

Don't over-grieve, but get over it quick, move on.


Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com

Have a question for the Love Guru? Click here to post them! And be sure to log in next Thursday between 3 pm and 4 pm IST.

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Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

(Due to circumstances beyond our control, date and time of chat may change)

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