rediffGURU Anu Krishna tells you how to set boundaries involving relationships at the workplace.
When a colleague sends you personal messages, how do you respond to it?
How can you react when a co-worker sends you mixed signals?
How can you set clear professional boundaries with your co-workers?
"Draw your boundary NOW; better late than never," advises rediffGURU Anu Krishna, mind coach, relationship expert and co-founder of Unfear Changemakers.
Do check out Anu's response to a female colleague who is receiving private messages from a married co-worker.
Anonymous: I recently joined a new workplace. There, I met a male colleague who is married and around my age.
At first, everything was professional. Sometimes he would message me on WhatsApp to ask about work in a friendly way.
I considered him a workplace friend and we chatted casually.
But one day, he told me not to mention to anyone that he messages me on WhatsApp.
I found that strange. I mean, there's nothing between us that needs to be hidden, so why did he want to keep it private?
I wanted to confront him about it, but then I thought maybe I was overthinking the situation.
Since we have to work together, I felt it might become awkward and I'm also very new at the workplace so I just swept it under the rug.
The next day, he acted totally normal and friendly at the office, which made me think I really was overthinking.
But later, one day when he visited home, he specifically told me not to message him. That confused me.
I mean, I never messaged him first; I only ever replied. I never initiated the conversation.
If we're just friends, why does he want to keep it private? I find it a bit weird, and honestly I don't like it.
I want to confront him about it but I also don't want to make things awkward at the office.
I just want to understand his intentions. I don't want any trouble.
Dear Anonymous, Having fun 'secretly' is fun, no? That's why he is happily enjoying what he is doing.
Obviously, he cares about his reputation.
But what if you get too involved in him? So he's making sure he has fun but in a way that has a boundary.
I would suggest you let him not have the pleasure of drawing that boundary, so there is no need for you to respond to any of his messages.
And you are absolutely right in asking: If we are just friends, why does he want to keep it private? There lies your answer.
For him, possibly it has gone beyond this in his mind, hence he is keeping it private.
Draw your boundary NOW; better late than never.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Anu Krishna HERE.
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