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LOVE GURU: 'I look typically Indian so boys don't like me'

By LOVE GURU
October 07, 2022 10:36 IST
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'Sooner or later the right kind of guy will come along, who likes you for who you are, not based on the clothes you wear,' says Love Guru.

Love Guru

Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com

If you are facing relationship issues -- and if you are in a relationship, you're facing issues -- we have someone you can discuss them with freely.

Meet Rediff.com's Love Guru, who says, 'I've been told I give some pretty great advice. And some people think I'm funny, so if I can give you a laugh or two after your girlfriend stuck a fork in your face, why the hell not?'

So if you feel you want some personal advice, do write in to getahead@rediff.co.in (Subject: Ask Love Guru).

If you wish to remain anonymous, do let us know and your name won't be disclosed when publishing responses to your queries.

 

Dear love guru,
Hope u are doing well. 
This story starts in 2018 when I was in my 12th. I had a huge crush on this junior girl. This girl is very intelligent and she used to get very high marks. So I took that as an inspiration and started working very hard on my academics. I started to read like a maniac and that worked and I got seat in a very prestigious college hoping she would get the seat in the same college but unfortunately she got seat in other state. I was disappointed. I was shy and never talked to her in my 12th and thought I lost my chance of talking to her ever again. But fortunately after a year, I found her insta and mustered my courage to chat with her. 
Although it was awkward initially, we became good friends (I guess so) and used to chat almost daily. She is really a charmer and she chats so nicely. She is a great friend but I never had courage to say about my feelings. She used to talk about her friends, her new college and her cats and so many things about herself and as I am her senior, I used to guide her and talk about my daily experiences. We had great time talking to each other on insta, WhatsApp and even snapchat. Heck we have a Spotify playlist Collab and she even included me in her private Instagram account as a close friend (u know that girls do have spam accounts for close friends) and I was wondering whether I'm just another friend or close friend or anything more. 
This continued like for many months and we chatted very well in the lockdown. I never met her or called her, we just chatted( I'm a shy guy and not so good at talking to girls). Feelings aside, she became a really good friend to me and I don't have many friends. I never said her about my feelings, fearing it would destroy this great friendship I was having.
But recently she was not responding properly to my chats( I never misbehaved in the chat ). I do believe she is seeing a guy whom she met recently but I don't know whether that is a relationship or just friendship. 
I was disappointed but hey it's her life and I was u know just continuing my life feeling sad sometimes or just trying to forget about her. And recently she completely avoided my messages and I was so hurt(I do have some self-respect right). U could say this as a one side love story. But this is so hard. After all she is my first love and this started affecting my academics. Should I move on or should I just continue trying to talk to her so that hopefully she will talk to me like she used to before. I don't have any problem continuing but sometimes I feel what's the purpose since it is going nowhere. 
Please give me any valuable suggestion. Sorry for the long story
Thank you  

You've enjoyed a mainly online relationship; there's a lot more to things than that.

There is definitely a reason why she's not responding to your messages anymore and it could be anything -- maybe you came on too strong, maybe she's met someone else, maybe her new boyfriend is from the Stone Age and doesn't like her interacting with other male friends.

I would suggest writing her one last message to the effect that you miss your friend, you don't know why she has begun avoiding you and, at the very least, if she wants to discontinue contact she should have the courtesy of letting you know that, along with the reason why.

See if she responds.

If she doesn't, take that as a very strong and clear signal in itself that she wants nothing to do with you anymore and doesn't have manners either. In which case I would strongly suggest you cease all contact as well.

If she does show some courtesy and reply, see if what she has to say can be addressed.

And all things considered, don't be too heartbroken about this. There are many great girls out there for you to start anew with -- in person perhaps, this time around!

 

Dear Love Guru,
I am a typical Indian girl and I like the way I look, long hair, etc. 
I prefer Indian clothes and have a typical Indian body, nice but not model like. 
But boys don’t seem to want all that. They are not even willing to find out what you are like as a person because you don’t look like the cool girlfriend. Is it more important that you are with a nice person? 
How to break this barrier? 

It is certainly more important that you are with a nice person rather than a fashion plate and I'm glad that you are not considering changing your look or appearance to impress boys.

Damn straight, you should be the one who decides how you dress, whether it's in a salwar kameez or miniskirt.

 I would strongly suggest that you don't give in to peer pressure.

Sooner or later the right kind of guy will come along, who likes you for who you are, not based on the clothes you wear.

 

Dear Love Guru
There is a girl I met in London 3 years ago. We had a good time and saw around London. I was coming to India and asked her if she wanted to meet. So I paid for her tickets to come to my home state kerala from Delhi. As soon as she landed she said she is seeing someone and had a heartbreak over the last year. I took her to my school reunion and to my family and went around sightseeing. Now I have feelings for and she doesnt seem to return any. What do I do? 
Thanks 

Well, you could let her know about your feelings but if intuition is anything to go by, I'd say she's going to turn you down.

She came to see you because you invited her as a friend and paid for her travel.

Right away, she let you know she's seeing someone and endured heartache, which probably was a subtle way of letting you know that she's not interested in you.

Still, nothing ventured nothing gained I suppose so, if you like, go ahead and tell her anyway.

The worst that can happen is her saying no. But, beyond that, I wouldn't pursue it if I were you. If she doesn't feel for you in that way, that's that and you're better off as friends.

 

Dear Love Guru, 
I like a boy in my class. I am not sure if he likes me as well. But when I smile, he smiles back. At times he comes over and has his lunch with my friends and me. I want to take this ahead but I am not sure what to do? Should I directly speak with him? Or should I wait for him to speak with me? I am scared that he will lose interest in me.

Why doubt yourself so much? He smiles at you, lunches with you...Maybe it's time to break the ice and at least start talking to him?

You'll see where the conversations lead and you'll soon know for sure whether he's genuinely interested or not.

And remember to be yourself. You don't have to overtly try and impress anyone, a person should like you for who you are.

 

Dear Love Guru 
I am 25. I was head over heels in love with a boy from my colony and he broke up with me. We were in a relationship for 5 years. I couldn't get over the break up and at times I still wake up in the night and cry. My parents don't know about him and my breakup. They plan to get me married and have created a profile for me in matrimonial sites. I am not ready to get married. My trust is completely shattered and I don't think I will ever trust my future partner. I feel cheated. What should I do?

I don't know why this was hidden from your parents for so long, but maybe you should let them know that you don't want to be pressured into marriage too soon.

And just because one man broke your heart doesn't mean all men will do the same. There are a lot of nice guys out there and meeting one may take your mind off your ex.

If he dumped you for no good reason, then that doesn't say much about him at all and you should be glad you didn't end up with a jerk like him, instead of crying. Good riddance, I'd say!

  • Read all of Love Guru's columns here.

 


This column is not for the psychologically disturbed, or those who need professional help for severe mental trauma. It's for those who can't discuss their issues freely with parents, or friends or partner. Or dog. Or just want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual.

Maybe your partner is the problem? Or maybe you are the problem and just don't know it. And need Rediff.com's Love Guru to tell you just that.

So if you feel you want some personal advice, do write in to getahead@rediff.co.in (Subject: Ask Love Guru).

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