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LOVE GURU: 'My wife likes looking at fair men'

By LOVE GURU
August 25, 2022 12:54 IST
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Relationship problems? Let Love Guru help.

Love Guru

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If you are facing relationship issues -- and if you are in a relationship, you're facing issues -- we have someone you can discuss them with freely.

Meet Rediff.com's Love Guru, who says, 'I've been told I give some pretty great advice. And some people think I'm funny, so if I can give you a laugh or two after your girlfriend stuck a fork in your face, why the hell not?'

So if you feel you want some personal advice, do write in to getahead@rediff.co.in (Subject: Ask Love Guru).

If you wish to remain anonymous, do let us know and your name won't be disclosed when publishing responses to your queries.

 

Hi Love Guru.
My name is S, I am 33 years old. I got married when I was 23 years old and have a son who is 9 years old and is studying in Lucknow. My wife is not interested in sex and hardly had sex in 3 years. We live in Bangalore on rent. Somehow I got into a sexual relationship with my landlord's wife who is relatively older than me and has 1 son studying abroad. My wife knew about my sexual relationship so does my landlord but no one ever brought it into the discussion. We used to talk and sit together daily during breakfast and dinner. It's been more than a year now and I am not sure what is next in this relationship. I need sex and don't want to leave my wife but I am afraid of the situation if it comes up. My wife doesn't want to move out of this house. Should I talk to my wife and landlord or should I remain silent?

You're sitting on a ticking time bomb.

Your wife's indifference is rather strange; not wanting to have sex is one thing and wanting to continue to live in a home where her husband is blatantly cheating on her is quite another.

As for the landlord himself, I don't think you have the right to speak to him; the dynamics between his wife and him are his business. If you want to know his thoughts on the matter, you can ask his wife; I'm sure she knows how he feels about it.

In any case, this is not an ideal situation. It's not only throwing both your marriages into jeopardy; it's also compromising your living situation. Tomorrow if it ends badly between the landlord's wife and you, she may prevail upon her husband to throw you both out. Or he may do it anyway, considering you're sleeping with her.

And there are both children to think of.

First speak to your own wife and find out why she's so indifferent and doesn't want to have sex with you. No one gives up having sex in their 30s for no reason at all; you're still both young.

Try and fix your own marriage and keep your nose out of the landlord's.

 

Hello love guru.
AB this side. In 2019, I finally met the love of my life. The true love. My soul mate. He is everything a girl could ask for. And the best part is he also reciprocates the same. Despite the initial disapproval from my mom, I haven't given up yet (She rejected on the basis that he is my friend's relative and my mom doesn't like my friend that much). Also my friend never wanted me to be with him; thanks to their childhood banter. But you know love is love.
So in 2020, thanks to the pandemic, I had to quit my job and come back home. So my partner and I decided to prepare for UPSC and UGC NET respectively in order to win our families' approval for marriage. The actual problem is that he assigned me some note making work and I never completed it on time. I have done this twice. I feel bad and guilty. I feel like breaking up with him. Because of me, he is never able to get prepared for his exams. But he never wants to give up and encourages me to try one more time since he is preparing for 2023 exams. I do want to marry him but my demons are hovering over my future. I don't know what to do? What can be done in this situation? Please help me. Am I too late ? Or there is still some hope left?
Sincerely 
AB

I don't understand what the problem is exactly... or are you inventing one?

All you need to do is put your nose to the grind and get the notes done! Work hard and help out and if you can't, well then find someone who can.

But why would you break up with him over something like this? What a ridiculous conclusion to come to!

 

Dear Love Guru,
We are married for two years. Both of us sawla coloured but my wife loves fair men. She can’t stop staring at them and smiling.
I hate this.
If I don’t look at other women, why is she looking at other men.
How can I stop this bad habit of hers?
Thank you.

Oh, you look at other women alright; you're just not as upfront as her about it!

Jokes aside, this obsession with fair skin is such a racist Indian outlook; and while it's shallow as hell, your wife is just looking. It's not like she's hopping into bed with the next whitewashed guy she sees!

So stop letting it bother you so much and while you're at it, give her an education on overcoming these prejudices, because they certainly don't make the world a better place.

Show her a picture of Milind Soman; with his looks, maybe he'll have her smiling too!

 

Hello love guru.
I wanted to know if I am wrong or right. As my husband has blocked me from phone by all means and do not even talk to me, so what should I do? I am working far from my Father in laws home where he stays with his brother (divorcee). He is not working and I am working and taking care of two daughters. Whenever he comes here, he fight a lot saying insane and sarcastic words to me. Since two and half months he stayed with us and left us (though he sometimes talk to my daughters only). I feel alone and nobody is there to support me or even talk to me for my emotional support. Now somebody has started talking to me and even I started, I really do not know what to do. Kindly guide. I told this to my husband also and he says whatever you wish you do.. I do not know why he says like this..He did not even tried to search a job where I am working, but when he went to inlaws there he started searching interestingly. If we do not talk then how  our relation will continue being husband. Also I found many times that he keep on searching call girls from his mobile phone search history and even his friends at inlaws told me that they saw girl accompanying him..but even I want to forget all these things as I found my daughters feel happy to talk to him..but what about my emotions and my physical needs..who will take care of if this keep on continued...as after marriage I found no happy-happy situations for me atleast..he says he lost all his jobs because of me..But all baseless objections...and blames me, harms me by beating also some times..I some times cry alone... but  this is not the life I expected after working so hard...I also used to pay him all money whatever he and whenever he demnaded.. I paid more than 10 lakhs of savings to him till date and did not even ever counted..he also stolen all gold from home without even asking me..I want to forgive him for all but when he is not interested in talking to me and just ignores me then how and why I should continue with him..just because he is my husband..or should I remarry to someone who is really willing to marry me...knowing all these things..or should I dont? As a mother of two daughters I sometimes think..that my only responsibility is to upbring my daughters...but then I also needs someone's emotional support...though economically independent..I also said to him to give me alimony as he does not pay anything to me and also file for divorce...as even I have a right to live happily...kab tak aise hi aansu bahau uske liye jisne mujhe block hi kar rakha hai from phone?
I am confused please help me out!!

You have a husband who is an unemployed, good-for-nothing bum, who doesn't show you respect, steals from you, lives apart from you, likes to associate with call girls, blames you for his failures, beats you and doesn't care if you have an affair.

He ‘talks to your daughters sometimes’.

Honey, you need to be emailing a divorce lawyer, not this column. And do it immediately.

Yes, you're more than just a mother and you do deserve emotional support. You should be kicking his ass to the curb pronto. 

 

Hi Love Guru.
I am going through legal separation with my spouse.
I have had a crush for 10 years now and my crush has lost his better half, but I am not sure if he is in any relationship now.
I am madly in love but unable to confess, the reason being he is pretty rich and i come from a middle class family, secondly we work in the same office and he is in a top most position and i am in the middle level.
I have resigned from my job now and in 3 months time will be joining the new company. Please suggest how to know if he has any feelings for me and etc etc.

The office situation would have been messy, but now you're leaving so that's great!

You've wasted a decade already, so I'd say it's high time you make your move.

Just ask him out for coffee and see where things go from there. Don't make any huge proclamations of love on a first date but read the signals...you'll know if he's interested or not.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

  • Read all of Love Guru's columns here.

 


This column is not for the psychologically disturbed, or those who need professional help for severe mental trauma. It's for those who can't discuss their issues freely with parents, or friends or partner. Or dog. Or just want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual.

Maybe your partner is the problem? Or maybe you are the problem and just don't know it. And need Rediff.com's Love Guru to tell you just that.

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