'She left me because I don't have a sound education'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on October 13 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hi there people...welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started...
JACK asked, wanna approach a girl .. how to approach her and tell her that i luv her????
Love Guru answers, That depends upon whether you're a friend or a stranger. If you don't know her, don't even dream of approaching with a proposal or I can almost guarantee you'll be shot down. Better to make friends first -- and if you already are and find your guts failing you to tell her personally, maybe an e-mail or love letter will do the trick. But don't lay it on too heavy -- saying you can't live without her etc etc is a no-no.
dashingdiva asked, Im 24 and Ive never had a boyfriend. Ive never even kissed a guy. Will I ever find anyone?
Love Guru answers, Of course you will -- but the more you search, the more time love will seem to take! Go with the flow and let love find you.
karky asked, hey hot to maintain a good balanced relationship with a short tempered and aggressive girlfriend
Love Guru answers, Well, instead of you adjusting to such negative traits, she should be working on curbing them, isn't it?
karan asked, hi LG, I have had plans to go on a picnic with my friends only guys this coming weekend and my gf was not happy about it, she doesnt like me going anywhere without her, as she says her friends dont make plans to go anywhere so even u cant go, i the past also she has stopped me from going out with friends. now she has started saying she is not well hence dont go, i told her to come with me to the doc b4 that but she says she doesnt have time n only can go on weekends, i know that its a ploy to stop me from going. im hating this wat should i do?? plzz help.. thanks
Love Guru answers, Take a stand, that's what you should do. It's not your fault her friends don't go anywhere! That doesn't mean you can't go with your pals -- explain that her possessiveness is putting pressure on you and negatively impacting the relationship. She should let you have fun with your friends without behaving so petty.
Dada asked, Hello Sir, am married for 6yrs, I got into romance @ office, but I broke the relationship with her. but later I realized that I should not have done that, but the girl @ office also stopped talking to me, We are now in difference premises, could not see each other. How can I convince her or get back the trust in me?
Love Guru answers, How long do you think you can keep up two relationships? Calling it off was the right thing to do, unless your marriage is a disaster. In which case, why are you still with your wife? Sort out your issues, decide who you want to be with.
Lilly asked, Hi.I have read your chats before and need some suggestion now..A very close friend of mine is having a problem.She is in her early thirties , working and got divorced 9 years ago. Ever since she has had four affairs lasting from a few years to few months, always with married men, with whom she clearly knew there was no future, yet she went ahead. The last was with her office colleague a few months ago. She even refused a marriage proposal from a decent guy living in the US, who was also agreeable for her aged parents. Now shea€™s depressed and says she wona€™t have any more men in her life and live all alone. She doesna€™t have siblings too. As a good friend of hers, I have advised her in the past but she never heeded then. Now what should I tell her?
Love Guru answers, She is making these choices consciously -- maybe she got involved with married men because at some level she knew it wasn't a lifelong commitment. She seems afraid of making a real commitment again and it's not surprising -- once bitten, twice shy. As her friend, you need to explain to her that her choices have led to this depression and she should take an active step to turn things around. Personally, I think a little counselling from a therapist will help her a lot to figure out what she wants from life.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
Image: 'She left me because I don't have a sound education'
'I met him through a matrimonial site, but he doesn't want to marry!'
mani asked, Wll love guru some of friends is in a relationship problem with his friend earlier they were in a love relation for good 5 years but since 0ne year she is with someone else and still she want to meet my friend and nowadays she is trying to come close to him. She is in relation with some else guy but trying to start the relation with my friend wat shall he do. Plz answer this
Love Guru answers, He shouldn't allow himself to be treated like a carpet so that she walks all over him whenever she wants to. She left him after five years for someone else -- and she still wants his attention. He should lay things on the line with her. Why is she still trying to get close to him? She made her choice, didn't she -- and if she regrets it and wants him back, she should be honest enough to admit it instead of going about it this way. Else he should cut her off and move on.
tarun asked, I met my ex after a gap of over 12 years. Both of us are divorcees and I proposed to her since we had a good equation then. But I see lots of changes in her as she has seen many hardships in life, which is understandable. However, she seems to be giving lot of importance to money these days and has linked our relationship with monetary aspects, even though shea€™s working and earning by herself too. As per her there is no point of loving unless the man helps her financially when shea€™s in need. Though I have no problems supporting her financially now, am wondering whether shea€™s only after money and therea€™s no true love. Is love based on financial/materialistic aspects of life? What should I be doing at this stage? I have already lost lots in my previous marriage. .
Love Guru answers, Tell her how you feel -- explain that you understand finances can be important in a relationship, but she seems a little overly-obsessed by money. If she makes all the decisions in her life with monetary profits in mind she'll never be happy. It'll never be enough.
deepak asked, I am loving one gal who is working wid me, Her parents did horoscope match, found ok. but still there are not going ahead for marriage
Love Guru answers, Well, you need to find out why they aren't first, right? How do you address the problem when you don't know what it is?
Rachna asked, Hi Love Guru. I met somone thru jeeven sathi and now attracted towards him. I want to plan future relationship with him, but this guy is a care free guy and is not committing. But he is quite interested in meeting and talking without any promises. Please guide.
Love Guru answers, Is it that he's not going to make any promises till he meets you and talks to you and gets to know you better? That's quite fair -- nobody is going to give you a relationship or marriage without getting to know you first. But if he isn't looking for commitment period, then I'd suggest taking your search elsewhere -- a commitmentphobe is the last person you should fall for if you're looking to settle down.
vijaykumar asked, hi LG i want to love again i need my love in my life as my ex as left me stranded in the sts's.. but i like the love thing.. its good be in love.. i saw many girls .. after that .. talked to them .. some of them in the waiting list .. awating to start with them .. some of them still left ignoring me .. out of this i saw another girl proposed her very boldly in 3 - 4 days itself.. but she s very rude kind of charcter she abrutplty ignored me.. at a strecth she does nt hav any boyfriends nor like to have BF she told me like me and left me.. also .. but i want her give me suggstios...
Love Guru answers, It wasn't bold to propose in four days, it was foolish. No wonder she was rude. Stop drawing up 'lists' and searching for a girl so desperately. Wait till you meet someone you're attracted to and take things slow this time -- I'd suggest not harassing the girl you tried your luck with or she'll only be ruder still! At the most you can apologise for being too forward and ask her to be friends. If she says yes, good for you -- maybe with time you can win her over. If not, stop pushing it.
choosli asked, Dear LG, i have a strong foot fetish. I cant stop myself glaring women feet and build pleasant fantasies in my mind. Is it normal or am I acting abnormally and need to stop all this?? Pls help
Love Guru answers, People are known to have foot fetishes -- it's unusual, but not abnormal at all. As long as you're playing out your fantasies in your mind, they're not harming anybody.
Arvind asked, Am in a long distance relationship....the distance will be there for 20 more months and then will have to wait for approval from her parents....which might not happen. What do you advice?
Love Guru answers, So she's made it clear that if her parents say no it's over? If that's the case, I don't think it makes sense to waste two years more in this relationship. Ultimately it may not go anywhere! And long distance, that too -- an added stress. I'd say call it off, unless she is promising you a future, however distant it is. If not, keep your options open.
Image: 'I met him through a matrimonial site, but he doesn't want to marry!'
'I'm torn between my old friend and new crush'
Kevin asked, My GF and I had a tiff 6 months ago since she started taking interest in another guy working with her. But that didn't take her anywhere and now she's once again talking to me on very normal terms. Yet, when I speak of another girl whom I wanted to go with, she's getting annoyed. Looks like she's possessive about me. I am still interested in her, but am not clear what she has in mind. How do I conclude this matter? I would like to get married and settle in life.
Love Guru answers, Ask her what's on her mind, since you're unsure -- tell her you still have feelings for her, but want commitment. And that if she doesn't want to give it, you'd rather pursue your interest in your colleague and see where that leads.
HATEGURU asked, Some important point about love guru: 1. Supports sex before marriage ... 2. hates parents when they opposed polluted love 3. prefers love to God and religion 4. supports live-to-gather 5. supports kissing in public place 6. supports to violate social rules and regulations. THATS WHY i hate love guru
Love Guru answers, Oh, shut up! You and your hate are welcome to take the exit out of this chatroom!
sharma asked, Hi, My gf is avoiding me nowadays. she didnt wish me for my b'day this year. but till last year, she was the first person to wish me. last one year, she didnt speak to me many months. i didnt understand anything. can you tell me how should i go ahead ? can i break up with her?
Love Guru answers, If she's been behaving like this for a year, what are you waiting for? It's time to sit down and discuss your relationship -- ask her what she wants and that you'd rather be single than put up with her indifference any longer.
fcuk asked, Hi LG, i was in realation with a girl for 1 & 1/2 years, then from a small fight i didnt spoke to her for 02 days, when i spoke on 3rd day she said she is in love with someone else...what to do
Love Guru answers, That's a little odd! In 48 hours she found someone else? Either she's bluffing to teach you a lesson for ignoring her so long, or then she already had someone in mind and is using this fight as an excuse to break things off with you. Lay your cards on the table and ask her what she wants straight up, without playing silly games with you.
aavidhya asked, dear love guru..i was 17 when i had my first love..we used to b together..den she started goin out wid my friends..at point i even caught her red handed..after tht my love for turned to rage...i am deeply in love wid my current partner and soon going to get married..but till date i cant forget the first kiss..first laugh..first walk we had
Love Guru answers, Of course you can't forget them -- no one does! It's normal to look back on your first moments in love with fondness. But you're deeply in love with the person in your life now and that's the direction your life should take. Memories are part of your past -- this is your future.
udaykiran asked, hi sir, i was in a rlstship and got separated 3 years ago but i cant for get her her thoughts were killing me still i am unmarried still cant think abt other girl, but she with other guy when i am relathsip with her i found out that and i asked her she said he is my friend friend , but i didnt belive it , she ignored me when ever i used to call her, bcoz of that only she left me after that her parents also came to know she with me .. they also did not accept me. what to do now.. to fget her or search for me try to talkk with her . kindly advice
Love Guru answers, I think you should move on -- she left you for someone else and her parents didn't think much of you. You'll find someone else, don't worry...someone better, too!
surekha asked, Thr was one guy in my life frm pst 5yrs, he was there always in my problems, he shared all my problems and now from past 8months a new guy came into my life, now both of them want to marry me. I cant leave the old frnd becoz it wld b like betraying him and i cant leave the new guy becoz i commited him tht i will marry him. Am confused. Plz help me.
Love Guru answers, You already committed marriage to someone you've known only eight months? When you did that didn't any thought of your best friend cross your mind? Or is it that he's only a friend to you and after all his support it's just that you don't want to hurt his feelings? You need to marry the one you're in love with, not because you feel sorry for someone.
Image: 'I'm torn between my old friend and new crush'
'She dumped me, then dumped him and now sends mixed signals'
mayur asked, hiiiii LG I am 25 and handsome. My GF told me that I had No good qualification and she wanted to be separated from me. I still Love her.She is now doing MBA in Mumbai and am in Orissa. Is it correct to approach her again??
Love Guru answers, Good looks don't take you far in life, good qualifications do. This girl obviously wants a man who can provide well for her and if you're to be that man, you'll need to buckle down and make something of yourself. If not, you'd rather not approach her. I'm just surprised that she didn't advise you to do the same and just upped and left you.
vishal asked, Hi LG, I was about to marriage with one girl, which I have found in JeevanShathi. But unfortunately. Marriage plan was called off. I have started talk to her after our marriage has been fixed. she is working in Banglore based comp. and am working Mumbai based comp.In first she was willing to realocate to mumbai. but after a month she has started declined everything what she told me in first month. In first month she text me all the lovable things.. So was very happy but after a month things drastcally. I don't know our marriage has been called off.. but heart is still waiting for her. please advice. thanks in adv
Love Guru answers, Maybe she said too many things in haste and has reconsidered her decisions. You can try talking to her and sorting it all out -- but if you keep saying 'earlier you said this and now you're saying that', it won't help matters. Work with what you've got and see if you can mend fences. If not, then move on.
HATEGURU asked, You Shut up!!! As they says, bitter truth always pinches or hurts (That's why you feeling offended). LG, you just tell people to live in sweet lies and give them false hopes and guidance.
Love Guru answers, Oh boohoo, I'm really hurt! Now out with you!
sagar asked, hi, Few months back a girl approached me for friendship. we were good friends for some months n later were in love . But it lasted for only 2 months. n one fine day she said to me that she dont want to keep this relationship with me. when i asked for reason, she said that her relatives now know about our relationship n would harm me. which i think she was lying? as few days later i saw her with another boy. for few days i was not in contact wid her. but few days back she again contacted me. n i again got attached to her, but after talking for sometime she again starts to avoid. this happens many times. i dont know what to do?
Love Guru answers, Stop letting her dance in and out of your life as she pleases. Either she's with you or not. Tell her to come to a decision and inform you, else you can't be bothered to invest time in this relationship. You can also tell her what you saw and that you don't quite believe the nonsense about her relatives hurting you.
Raj B asked, Hi, I am divorced and have a child from previous marriage. I am around 39 now.Could you please tell me whether I can get married again or stay alone? It is becoming hard for me to make a decision on getting married again or not!
Love Guru answers, Marriage is not a compulsion -- it's a personal choice. If you feel like you're happy as you are, fine. If you're lonely and craving companionship, then go ahead. And may I remind you that a relationship even without the marriage certificate could be as fulfilling for you!
suman asked, Hi LG, I have serious confusion.My lover with whom I had deep relations suddenly lost interest in me and found some other guy. After a few months, she has dropped him also. These days she speaks with me regularly and even indulges over phone, but not telling me anything clearly and not keen to meet me in person. What to make out of this? Is she still in love with me? Is there any future in this relationship? I am still interested in her. Even when I say I love you, she doesn't reply.What to do?
Love Guru answers, She's enjoying the attention and doesn't want to tie herself down by committing to you. So instead of giving her that attention, don't -- talk to her as a friend and nothing more. And if she starts behaving cute, point it out to her and ask why she wants to lead you on without committing. She can't have her cake and eat it too.
Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, folks! Till next week, goodbye and all the best!
Image: 'She dumped me, then dumped him and now sends mixed signals'