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'Is matching kundlis necessary before marrying?'

Last updated on: March 25, 2011 17:58 IST

Image: 'Is matching kundlis necessary before marrying...'

Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on March 24 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Love Guru says, Hey there, everyone...the Love Guru is back, so let's get started with your questions!

Preethi asked, Hi Luv Guru, I found my guy in bed with my sister and out of anger I slept with his brother. Now his brother says he loves me, what do I do?

Love Guru answers, What you did, while I wouldn't recommend it, is already done. But the point is, you did it out of revenge, not out of any feelings for him, am I right? It's unfortunate that he's fallen for you after the intimacy, but you need to apologise to him for misleading him for your own reasons. You should have taken into account his feelings about all this too, before just jumping into bed without thinking. So let him down easy.

Bhavin asked, Hello LG, I have been married for six years and have a three year old daughter , last year i lost my job due to downsizing in uk and came back to india , this is when problems started my mil ( my fil passed away ) imm moved to our city and started spending the whole day with my wife , due to which my wife was not concentrating on our house hold , we started having arguements on this one think led to another and now she has gone to stay with her mother , my daughter is with me and misses her a lot , she now has files a 498 on me and a dv case , what do u suggest do i go ahead a apply for a divorce and as suggested by everyone go for councelling ?? pl advice .. thanks in advance

Love Guru answers, Looks like a lot of women are misusing the dowry law when it comes to divorce lately! I'm sure your daughter misses her, but do you? And what kind of mother leaves her child behind like that? I can understand she fell out with you, but shouldn't she have taken her daughter along, or is it that you didn't let her? Whether you file for divorce or not, she already has. I would suggest trying to talk to your wife in a civil manner and taking the next step. It's not even like your ma-in-law was living with you, so I don't know why you took such a huge objection to her spending time with her daughter? Who else does she have to turn to?

manoj asked, hi luv guru,,i am going to married on 13th may 2011, my fiance is 11 yrs younger,pls tell me ,in future our sex life will suffer,,at what age can male have sex

Love Guru answers, There is no fixed age -- some men can continue into their 80s and others find their libidos plummeting at 50.

dia asked, @loveguru: my bf fights with me all the time, he thinks that am copying him.. but m not....

Love Guru answers, Copying him? What's that supposed to mean? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, so I don't know why he's so upset. And maybe you should learn to think for yourself and make your own decisions instead of moving in the exact same direction as him, whichever that may be.

Siddique asked, I have a fight with my girl last eve. She couldn't able to understand my situation. I said her to wait for 1 year for marriage. So that i can settle down with my carrier. She said she cant wait. I think at this point my career is more important to me. What's you suggestion on how to respond to this situation

Love Guru answers, One year is not asking too much of her -- heaven knows why so many girls are in such a rush to marry these days! And then most of them repent their haste. She certainly can wait -- it's that she doesn't want to.

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

'My boyfriend is insisting on sex'

Image: 'My boyfriend is insisting on sex'

kiki asked, hi can you tell me please. how to avoid going to bed.... my BF just want that only. Are all guys like that !!!!

Love Guru answers, Instead of avoiding it, why don't you sit him down and tell him you're not ready for it yet? If he truly loves you and is understanding, he'll wait. If he isn't, well, then you should be glad you didn't make that kind of mistake!

dsj asked, HI LG, due to some reason i broake with my GF, she is not able to come out of it, i am getting engaged soon (arranged marriage).. what to do? How shall i convince her to forget me? She is not able over 2 motnhs has gone but she calls me to say that she still loves me..

Love Guru answers, The more you talk to her and keep in touch, the more difficult it will be for her. Explain to her that she needs to move on with her life and that less contact with you will be better for her. That way she'll be able to get over it easier.

rahul1234 asked, while going to my work in morning , one married young lady always looks at me. i am 30 yrs old n confused how to react.please guide.Thank you.

Love Guru answers, She's just looking -- and she's married. So let her look and that's all!

jojo asked, Hello Lg, I brokeup with my gf two months back. But the problm is i started missing her but i knw tht she does't luv me anymore as she is alrdy going around with somebody else.. wht to do pls advise. i feel frustrated.

Love Guru answers, Look, you've weathered the worst already. The first two months are over and this is probably pinching you more because she moved on so quickly. And you say yourself you know she doesn't love you. To ease your frustration with this situation, I suggest dating other girls yourself -- it will be a welcome diversion for you. Don't get too serious too quickly -- just go with the flow, meet new people. before you know it, another girl will by occupying your mind.

rakesh asked, I(28) love one girl(25) very much.She is working as me. I purposed her. But she says, she will remain unmarried for whole life because she is the only child of her parents. Pls help.

Love Guru answers, Hahaha! That's a first! So she's going to sacrifice her whole life to keep staying with her parents? And then, once they're gone, what? This is her age talking -- once she's 35 she'll feel differently, but obviously you can't wait around till then! You can explain to her that once you're together, you'll help her in taking care of her parents too, so she'll have more support and so will they. If she still doesn't listen, let it go -- anyone who is so fixated is not worth chasing. Even if you did marry her, rest assured that every move she makes will be in their interest first, not yours.

money asked, women are very stubborn and rigid in my life so i afraid of getting married ...tell me what shud i do...i hate when a lady arguments

Love Guru answers, Stop getting so intimidated by women! The women in your life are probably stubborn and rigid because you're easily taken advantage of! Arguments with everyone, not just ladies, are inevitable sometimes. They are no different from men in that respect, so besides courtesy and respect that you would accord any other individual, there's no need to bend over backwards trying to please them!

'She's having an affair -- should I end our engagement?'

Image: 'She's having an affair...'

prajakta asked, in a school camp,i slept with the guy who is 14 and i am 15. i dont love him. but i do it as one off. now he is getting serious on me and i started liking some one else and started dating some one

Love Guru answers, I think you're a little young to become sexually active, but since you are, please do take the necessary precautions every time -- contraceptives are a must! Coming to your situation, let down the 14-year-old gently -- tell him it was a one-off thing and you're sorry it didn't work out.

Siddharth asked, Hi Luv guru.. I really had a troubled marriage however i loved my wife. Watever I do for her she dont account that. However, whatever issues are their in the past during the initial period of marriage blames me for it. Nowadays she is staying separately. I have tried every possible way to win her back but of no use. she is very stubborn and wants to lead her own life with her terms and conditions

Love Guru answers, If she's so stubborn as to want every single thing her way, I think you're wasting your time trying to win her back. If she can't see that you're willing to make amends for the past and only need her to be reasonable so as to work things out, let her be. The end of a marriage is not the end of life -- it's not like you won't meet someone else! And just a tip, Siddharth -- it may work, it may not. Stop chasing after her for a couple of months or so. Don't call her, don't try to stay in touch about anything. If she's just trying to be difficult, she may come around seeing that you're not taking anymore of her nonsense. But like I said, don't hope for too much out of it -- if it works, good for you. Maybe she will at last see sense.

MONI asked, hi loveguru my parents dont seem to agreeing for my marriage with my boyfriend. although he is very loyal but due to all this tension i have become irritating and this is creating daily problems between both of us. though he understands my frustration as we both cant meet often n i m held in house always. suggest some way love guru. now my parents are giving excuses of some problems in our kundlis because of which we both cant be married to each other suggest me something to remain n sane and to way to convince my parents for the same pls help n guide me

Love Guru answers, Take your kundlis to an astrologer who doesn't know your parents yourself, to find out firsthand whether what they say is true or it's just an excuse. If it is, you can always tell them that there's no problem on that side of things and you're aware of it. And second, if you're old enough and mature enough to take a call on your marriage, do it -- they can't stop you and if they have sense, they will agree when they see your will is unshakeable. How long do you expect your boyfriend to be kept hanging like this?

rahulja asked, My girlfriend is cheating on me she is having other relationship we are engaged. now what should i do Marry her or drop??? please love guru ??

Love Guru answers, Rahul, if you know for a fact that she is cheating on you, at least let her know that you're onto her antics! And no, I wouldn't recommend marrying her if that is the case.

CHANTI asked, i have arranged married and our thoughts r not matching each other. some times it becomes serious. Her parent also take her side when we quarrel. what to do ?

Love Guru answers, It's natural for parents to side with their own child, especially a daughter who is married into another family and facing problems. I don't see why you can't accomodate each other's way of thinking? Marriage is when two people grow together under the same roof -- if you try to stifle each other with your own ways of thinking, that growth will never come about. Give each other freedom of thought and behaviour and you'll see that your fights lessen.

prashant asked, hi love guru i always gets attracted towards males though i am male

Love Guru answers, Seems like you're gay -- and that's alright.

'I want to marry, he wants to wait a year'

Image: 'I want to marry, he wants to wait a year'

rah asked, Hi.. I am just married.. We had a love marriage... But from last 1 year ( pre/post marriage period) my feelings are constantly decreasing... what should u do? We use to fight almost everyday and which reduce my feelings more and more...

Love Guru answers, The time around a wedding usually puts stress on a couple. You married for love and now the bitterness of fights is affecting you relationship. I suggest you and your partner go away somewhere on vacation, just the two of you and leave all your issues behind. Rediscover each other, talk about and heal old wounds in a civil manner and refresh yourselves in a different environment. It will work wonders. It was your choice to marry each other -- now work on your relationship, instead of allowing it to dissolve.

Krishna asked, Hi Love guru I loving a girl from 10 std.but never said yet.After completing my education from my town i am working for software company. last time i met girl she is still unmarried. But she now living in some other town and i don't have any contact number. she and her family known to my parents. I told to my parents regarding my like. They agreed with condition if kundli matches her parents are ready then only possible. is it necessary all this kundli matching? My father agree to talk to parents but my mom have problems. I tried to convince my mom but she refused saying that pointless reasons i don't known how to convince my mom?

Love Guru answers, Look, about the kundli matching, you're asking the wrong person, my friend. I don't believe in this superstitious nonsense -- people with perfectly matching kundlis divorce and sometimes the worst possible astrological match is the happiest. I believe that your future is in your own hands. So that's something you need to take a call on -- putting your hands in the life of an astrologer who's just another person like you and me. As for your mother, ask her the real reason behind the pointless ones. She obviously has something against the girl or her family that she's not telling you about. And in the end -- it's your choice. Not hers or anyone else's.

deepak asked, hi,i m married , bt my school mate friend is inluv with me,i had cleared her that i dont luv her but stll she follows me . wat shud i do

Love Guru answers, If she's not listening after you've repeatedly told her to keep away in a nice manner, tell her you'll file a stalking complaint with the police. And cut off all contact -- don't answer her calls, e-mails or anything else.

sameer asked, Hello , i have been seperated from my wife now for almost a year , we left one another on a very flimsy thing which got blown out , i really to miss her and i am sure she does too , i tried contacting her but her parents and sisters are not letting me talk with her nor are they lettin her access mails emails etc , i hav also heard from her relatives that they may file some dowry and other cases on me , how do u suggest i contact her and explain that i still want her to be with me

Love Guru answers, They cannot physically stop her from getting in touch with you if she doesn't have a problem with it. You tell them you want to talk to her and only if she tells you herself to stop contacting her will you listen. If you're confident she wants to see you, you can even approach the police and state they are holding her against her will. If you'd rather mend bridges, go to her parents' home and explain the whole situation to her family first and tell them you want her back. Unless you've done something ridiculous, which I doubt, since you said it was a small issue, I'm sure they'll relent.

sg11 asked, HI LG, m 31 years girl loves to 26 year boy, we both love each other n planning to get married in next year. but we have not told to our family about our relation. My family has sliet idea abt it. m also want to get marry asap. but the boy want to get marry in next year as he is saying he is not ready now n have family committement too. please advice

Love Guru answers, It's not like you can be forced to marry anyone else against your will. So wait another year, it's not too long, is it?

Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, folks! Till next Thursday, goodbye and take care!