rediff.com
News APP

NewsApp (Free)

Read news as it happens
Download NewsApp

Available on  gplay

Rediff News  All News 
Rediff.com  » Getahead » 'Ex is threatening me over my present love'

'Ex is threatening me over my present love'

Last updated on: March 4, 2011 15:00 IST

Image: 'Ex is threatening me over my present love'

Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on March 3 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.


Love Guru says, Hi there, everyone! Welcome back to the Love Guru chat and let's get started right away!


sunil asked, I love once of my office girl very much and she knows that and earlier she like me also but due to some official problem our good relationship getting wrost day by day and today we are not talking much more and now i come to that she going to marry which hurt's me much more, what i can do in this situation please advice urgently. sunil

Love Guru answers, Did you actually have a relationship with this girl, Sunil? Because it seems to me that beyond office flirtations, the two of you didn't really connect seriously. About the office problem, you can approach her and iron out your differences with a frank chat. And on a personal level, you can explain to her how you feel, although I doubt she'll end her marriage plans. But what do you have to lose? Give it a shot. And if it doesn't work out, at least you'll have salvaged your professional relationship.


anusha asked, hi..we both are in relationship,he said he love bt need his parents approval.what shld i do..he has already spoken to his sister bt i dont know is tht true or he is just lying.please help how can i find whether he is telling me the Truth

Love Guru answers, You tell him that till you have some confirmation that the relationship is going somewhere and you have a commitment from him, you're not taking things further. What's the point? Two-three years down the line, if his parents say no, where does that leave you? And tell him that since he's spoken to his sister, you'd like to meet her. See if he stalls -- if he doesn't, you can start by getting to know her and get feedback from her on how his family will react to the match.


rohi asked, hi i am in love with a guy, now my ex boy friend knew about this guy i love and he has started thretening me. he is also stealing my id password. am sick and tired of him. what should i do now? pls tell

Love Guru answers, You can try reasoning with him -- explain that your relationship with him is over and you wish him all the best, but you are moving on with someone else and he should too. If calling a truce doesn't work, cut off all contact with your ex -- tell him you want him out of your life once and for all and not to contact you in any way again. Also threaten him about complaining to the police if he continues to harass you. Do not answer his calls, remove him from your friend list on social networking sites and change your e-mail passwords. If he's changed them already, create a new account and give that ID to your friends. And Rohi, if he seems dangerous, ie if you wouldn't put it past him to carry out his dramatic threats, I would suggest telling your parents about the situation and maybe his family too. Take whatever steps you can to ensure your own wellbeing and take care of yourself.


nid asked, Hi!! my parents are not just accepting our relationship. we want to get married. i have been trying to convince them since approx. 2 yrs.now guy s family also hv gt irritated as there is no committment. wat to do?

Love Guru answers, It's your call, my dear -- either make your own decision to marry and hope that your parents will come around eventually or then end the relationship. You cannot keep someone dangling endlessly till your parents change their minds -- which is unlikely, if they haven't already in these past two years. I just hope that you're old enough and mature enough to make this decision, because it's going to determine the direction of the rest of your life. And you haven't said why your parents are not agreeable -- could it be that they have a valid point of view? Please elaborate.


Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

'I do not want to marry a stranger'

Image: 'I do not want to marry a stranger'

dhirendra asked, hi, i have been married for 5 yrs. After this period we got child, now she is not willing to live with me

Love Guru answers, Why not? What's the problem? Does she want to end the marriage altogether or is it just that she doesn't want to live in your house any longer? Is there friction with the in-laws (your parents)?


dsj asked, Hi LG, I tried to break off with my GF for some reason which we both think as ok, but the problem is that she is not able to forget me & always try to be in touch with me. How do I help her to forget me? Please guide me. I tried all ways but of no use & now a days she tells me that she will do suicide & all....Please help...

Love Guru answers, The best you can do to help her forget you is to minimise contact with her for awhile. The more you continue chatting with her and helping her, the more she will rely on you and want you back. She can't emotionally blackmail you with suicide -- maybe you need to tell her parents or a family member about her threats.


mayank asked, hi,m in lv since last 3 yrs bt she will gt married with another guy the choice of her parents wht shd i do

Love Guru answers, What you should have done three years ago -- move on! Find another girl who receives your affections well and doesn't plan to marry another.


raj asked, Recently it came in paper that the best years of marriage are first 5 years when couple is young n childless then lov fades away? y does it happn?

Love Guru answers, Because couples let it happen, simply put. When you have a child, you need to learn to balance your attention between your spouse and your child. If you focus only on the little one, your personal relationship with your partner suffers.


Puja asked, Hi Love Guru, my parents want me to get married in 1-2 years. But, I do not want to marry a stranger and engage in sex and other stuff. I want to find the right guy for myself

Love Guru answers, You don't have to marry a stranger, Puja -- even if it's an arranged match you can get to know the boy before setting a wedding date. I'm sure your parents won't grudge you that. And if you're completely against an arranged match, well, it's not like your parents can force you into it, can they now?


kumar00203 asked, Hi Lg,i am trying to seek ur advice from a long time. I proposed to a close friend of mine. she rejected and said that i am just a friend for her. She stopped talking to me from then. I too feel guilty that i have lost a good friend. I feel terrible.

Love Guru answers, So make it right. Tell her you'll put aside your feelings for her and you want her to do the same, because you value your friendship and hope she does too. If she truly cares for you, although it may be a little awkward in the beginning, she will come around to it eventually.


'My family thinks marrying her is impractical because she's 38'

Image: 'My family thinks marrying her is impractical because she's 38'

AKM asked, I LOVE A GIRL WHO IS WORKING WITH US AND AND R YOUNGER TO ME .I HAVE A DEEP AFFECTION WITH HER. NOW SHE ALSO STARTS SHOWING INTEREST.AND READY TO GO FOR DATING AND HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP. NOW I WANT TO MARRY HER . PL ADVISE...

Love Guru answers, Oy! She's ready to date you, not set a wedding date! First enjoy each other's company and let some time go by getting to know each other before jumping straight into marriage.


Karan asked, Hi..i m in love with a girl.who is 5 yrs elder then me... i m having this affair since 6 yrs...i love her very much n i want to marry her, but my mom is against to this...at home people are saying this is not practical, becoz she is of 38 yrs...can u suggest me some thing...

Love Guru answers, So what if she's 38? You're 33 or 34 yourself, right? Not a big deal in my books, an age gap like this one. It's not so large that you'll have trouble adjusting to each other.


Tomboy asked, Hi Guruji...I am married. Both of us are working. My wife flirts with her colleagues. I think she is fooling around with one of the guys, but when I have asked her directly she denied. She says this kind of things happen in every office. I am loosing my mental peace. Please help.

Love Guru answers, Make it clear to your wife that what she sees as harmless flirting is upsetting you. You don't want men you don't know hitting on her, even if nothing comes of it -- she wouldn't like women she doesn't know acting cute with her husband either, would she? Being friendly is one thing and being flirty is quite another. She should establish the difference.


NAVIN asked, HI I M MARRIED LAST 08 YRS 38 YRS, WORKING MEN NOW IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED WOMEN WHO IS JUST 30 YRS IN MY OFFICE, I CANT WORK WITHOUT HER BUT SHE IS NOT LOVING ME, EITHER SHE IS NOT SHOWING HER EXPRESSION, CAN U SOLVE MY PROBLEM !!

Love Guru answers, Navin, other than the fact that both of you are married, she's your colleague. And most importantly, she's not interested. So this is really not going anywhere -- drop the thought.


vishal asked, hey love guru.how u doing. I am a married guy with a kid of 1.3years. I had many affairs in my life(now 31). There was a girl who has brought entire change in my life before my marriage. But till today i am not able to forget her as she too is married and has a child. i never call her nor she but i am unable to forget her as i think she plays a vital role in my life.We meet with eachother when she is back to her mom home but now our relationship is just a friendly one. Advise me as my wife too know that she used to be my life earlier.

Love Guru answers, Don't nurse this hopeless fantasy of yours unless you want your family life to fall apart. There's probably a reason why you two didn't get married, isn't there? Remind yourself of that instead of remembering what you had together -- your life took the direction it did for precisely that reason. That's why you're with someone else now and she is too. So remaining friends is okay, but nothing beyond that.


Chintu asked, i was in love with a girl near to my home, but due to some issues with her father, our relationship broke which hurted me like anything, as the time passed on my father fell ill and he decided to marry me before any mishap, i got married as per my father's choice and after my marriage my father died. Though the life partener my father chosed for me was, and is just beyond my expectation, very loving, caring, understanding, one couldn't expect something more from a woman. coming back to the girl i loved, as she lives nearby my home, i observed that she didn't marry at all during all there yrs. whenever i saw her i feel like i should start talking to her not as BFrnd anymore, but still i feel like getting in touch with her anyhow.... is this right .........?

Love Guru answers, You say yourself that your wife is more than you imagined she would be. And just because your ex lives near your house is no reason to try and make contact again. Why didn't she stand up to her father for you when the time came? That's why it ended. And it's best left at that. In my opinion, trying to get in touch again would be a big mistake for you.


'After our secret marriage, she's hardly answering my calls'

Image: 'After our secret marriage, she's hardly answering my calls'

deep asked, I met her in 2004 and we became friends. She was the first girl in my life. I started developing feelings for her and proposed her in early 2006. she declined and i was completely broken off. I changed the city and was doing well in my career. In 2008, I left my job and went for MBA from leading IIMs. This time she proposed me in October 2008 and i started reviving my feelings for her. She was in US that time she came to India in January and i don't know i just came all the way from my studies place to meet her and we got married with her family supervision. We had court marriage without telling my parents. she immediately went back to US to continue her job and i came back to my studies place to continue my MBA. After marriage, i did not see 100% commitment from her side. I used to call her up every day but she hardly picked my calls. Later i found she was in touch with her ex. I am deeply hurt. Please help

Love Guru answers, First of all, marriage doesn't work like this -- you can't just get married and go back to life the way it was, with a couple halfway across the world from each other. You should have waited a bit and done things in good time instead of rushing it. And being in touch with an ex is one thing, while having an affair is another. Since you're married and your education is, I'm presuming, over with, I'd suggest joining your wife in the US or her coming here to settle down with you and making a real go of it.


ami asked, hi, i am in a relationship wth this 30 yr girl, she say she loves me and takes all the best of care of me , but when i am not around calls her boy friend home , chat late and also when returning or going out has him drop and pick her.. on my confirmation she says she likes his company and they are just good friends.. he had secretely send flowers on valtine and also she had gifted him.. WHT SHOULD i do ..

Love Guru answers, If you have proof that she's cheating on you, don't sit around to continue being taken advantage of -- walk out and keep your self-respect intact. She can't have her cake and eat it too.


vijay1991 asked, My wife was talking to her boy friend for last 8 years.But I came to know after 8 years whihc make me totally lost. She is telling that it was her mistake and she will never talk again. But a sense of faith has been lost. We have 2 kids. Still I doubt that she must be talking to her exboyfriend. What should I do now?

Love Guru answers, Only talking? Or do you think she was having an emotional affair? Maybe she was just talking to him as a friend and not telling you because he's an ex and she knew it would upset you? The only way out of this is to ask her -- ask her why she felt the need to talk to him for nearly a decade and not tell you about it. And if she has feelings for him or it was beyond friendship, you need to re-evaluate your marriage.


nid asked, Thanks for the reply. My parents are not agreeing to my relationship primarily 'coz our horoscope don't match. initially, d problem was luv marrige, as they are quite conservative. Now they say we cud have done, bt now, wont, as horoscopes are not compatible!! i am stuck pathetically!! Bt standing strong as my guy is standing besides me, unshaken.

Love Guru answers, Look, I'm sure that an astrologer can provide some solution that will appease your parents. Visit one with your boyfriend first and tell him/her your problem and ask how s/he can help alleviate your parents' doubts. And if it doesn't work, well, you'll just have to stand up for your decision, won't you?


Love Guru says, That's all for today, folks! Catch you next week and till then, post your queries on the .