'If your daughter-in-law isn't prepared to be a mother, there's obviously a reason for this and this is between the couple. Let them talk about it,' suggests rediffGURU Anu Krishna, while counselling a parent who is concerned about his daughter-in-law's decision to not have children.
It is normal for parents to feel worried and concerned about their child's relationship and future.
However, is it okay to interfere in your daughter's or son's affairs after s/he is married?
Does it worry you if your son or daughter-in-law refuses to have children?
How do you communicate your feelings without overstepping boundaries or creating a fresh conflict?
'If your daughter-in-law is not prepared to be a mother, there's obviously a reason for this and this is between the couple. Let them talk about it,' suggests rediffGURU Anu Krishna.
Anu Krishna, the co-founder of Unfear Changemakers and a mind/life coach and NLP trainer with over 18 years of experience in helping people understand and solve their problems, can guide you.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Anu Krishna HERE.
Do read her advice to a parent who is concerned about his daughter-in-law's decision to not have children.
Anonymous: My only son has been married for over eight years. But my daughter-in-law does not want to have children.
Both my wife and I are senior citizens.
My daughter-in-law is not interested to be a mother or bear a child.
She is a working professional and has developed some sort of anti-feeling towards babies. She preaches about population control and how there are many families without children, etc.
He wants to take her to his place of work; but she does not want to leave her job and go with him. Biologically, none of them have any problem becoming parents.
She is not taking my son's advice to continue the family lineage or support in old age care.
This issue is causing a lot of unpleasantness in our extended family.
We stay in another state, away from our daughter-in-law to avoid further family rift.
Can we ask her for a mutual consented separation (divorce)? Or, can we, parents, seek legal help (like sending a legal notice) as she is hell-bent on not continuing the family lineage?
She is depriving us of grandparental bliss and, to my son, the happiness of parenthood. Please guide.
Dear Anonymous, This may sound a bit rude; my apologies if it does but someone needs to say it aloud.
Why exactly are you getting into the middle of all of this?
Your son and daughter-in-law are two grown people who need to sort this out for themselves.
If your daughter-in-law is not prepared to be a mother, there's obviously a reason for this and this is between the couple. Let them talk about it.
If your son is coming to you with his issues with his wife, should you not actually ask him to take it up on his own?
And how did the talk of separation come about? Is this question from your son or are you suggesting it yourself?
Let them sort out their issues without any intervention from you or anyone in the family.
Also, this so-called dream of family lineage and depriving you of becoming grandparents sounds like an agenda. Their marriage, their way of living! And that's how it must be!
Please push your son to be a husband first and then a dutiful son; otherwise, he will lose his marriage.
Once all of you back off from your expectations, it's possible that the relationship between the two of them may start to improve and she may even consider starting a family.
And as for unpleasantness created in your larger family, they have no say in your son's marriage.
All the best!
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Anu Krishna HERE.
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