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This article was first published 2 years ago  » Getahead » LOVE GURU: My wife's not interested in sex

LOVE GURU: My wife's not interested in sex

November 29, 2021 12:54 IST
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Relationship problems? Let Love Guru help.

Love Guru

Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/

If you are facing relationship issues -- and if you are in a relationship, you're facing issues -- we have someone you can discuss them with freely.

Meet's Love Guru, who says, 'I've been told I give some pretty great advice. And some people think I'm funny, so if I can give you a laugh or two after your girlfriend stuck a fork in your face, why the hell not?'

So if you feel you want some personal advice, do write in to (Subject: Ask Love Guru).

If you wish to remain anonymous, do let us know and your name won't be disclosed when publishing responses to your queries.


Dear LG,
My hubby is squeamish about being orally intimate.
How can I change his view?
Jannu Sinha

Maybe you can be the first to make a move on him and show him how enjoyable it can be?

Ask him to have an open mind and try it in degrees; sometimes people are inhibited about certain sexual acts, it takes time for them to become comfortable with performing them.

Explain that sex can become boring and monotonous without exploring each other's bodies, especially for women who often don't climax during the actual act of penetration and need oral stimulation as well. 

I am a 53-year-old male, serving in the Indian defence sector.
I have always had a soft corner towards beautiful ladies.
I have my family -- two grown up sons and a wife.
My wife is not so beautiful enough and so I get attracted by beautiful women who speak with a smile.
In the last four years, I have made friendship with three ladies. Their age group is around 25 to 30.
These ladies are having so many boyfriends, but they don't accept it in front of me. I am wasting my hard-earned money for their happiness, but in return I don't get love or anything.
Out of all three, one girl aged 28 calls me daddy because of her personal vested interest for online shopping.
My financial crunch is getting worse.
I want to get rid of this nonsense, but due to my nature I cannot avoid them. I still have friendship with them.
I know they are not loyal to me.
Please guide me in this regard.
Name withheld on request

There's a name for your predicament, pal -- you've become what is commonly known as a 'sugar daddy', an elderly man who lavishes young women with money and gifts and maintains their lifestyle in exchange for a relationship. And, in your case, it's without the side benefits!

There's no fool like an old fool, so I'd suggest you stop wasting your hard-earned money on pretty young things who are fonder of your money than they are of you.

Cut them off and remain faithful to your wife; these dalliances on the side are doing nothing but buying you some time with a pretty face -- at prices that you can't afford.

The word is ‘No’ -- learn how to use it!

Hi Love Guru
We were married very young.
We already have two children.
My husband doesn’t like using contraception, says it feels better without it.
I don’t want to get pregnant again.
Please advise.

Dear V,

While it may ‘feel better without it’, that doesn't mean you behave so irresponsible!

I'd suggest you consult your gynaecologist and get yourself fitted with an IUD to minimise the risk of falling pregnant; or, better yet, since your husband's the one who has the problem with contraception, have him undergo a vasectomy. It's a very small procedure and many men opt for it in today's times.

You went through two pregnancies and gave birth twice; I'd say it's his turn now, wouldn't you?

Hi Love Guru,
My name is M.
We met in November last year at a common friend’s marriage. We exchanged some eye contact with each other and we started sharing messages from then on.
She is from a different religion.
After two or three months I proposed to her. She neither accepted nor rejected my proposal.
Then, one day, she told me that she is in love with someone near her residence.
I have no words at that moment of what to say.
First, I thought I should block her and remove her from my life. I tried but was not able to do so.
Then she started chatting with him and ignoring me. But, at some point, she asked me for help and I did help her.
She is getting a court marriage with that boy, without her parents’ consent and she wants me to help her in marrying with him.
What should I do? Should I help her or not?

You may be in love with her, but she's marrying someone else.

I don't see any reason why you should be bending over backwards to help this woman do precisely what is breaking your heart!

If I were you, I'd wish her all the best and let her know, respectfully, she's on her own with this eloping business.

What do you want to get entangled in the whole mess for anyway? The situation is complicated enough for you as it is!

I am 40 years old.
My wife is not interested in sex after the birth of our son nine years ago.
It is said that a couple should have sex two times a week. But we have sex like once a month or even after longer than that.
My wife is just not interested in sex nor does she allow me to touch her in that way.
She sometimes even shouts, like I have touched some other women.
Please guide.

There's no rule about couples having sex twice a week, Vaibhav. That said, you should be in sync when it comes to your sex life, whether it's once a month or once a day.

What is her reaction when you do have sex with her? Is it grudging permission? To get it over with, so you'll leave her alone?

You haven't given me enough information to go by here, but I will tell you this -- it's certainly unnatural for a wife to get so upset that she shouts at her husband when he makes a move!

You need to speak to her and get to the root of why she doesn't enjoy sex anymore and move toward remedying the situation.

A marriage counsellor may help, maybe have it be a lady so that she's more comfortable discussing this particular situation, it being of such an intimate nature.

This column is not for the psychologically disturbed, or those who need professional help for severe mental trauma. It's for those who can't discuss their issues freely with parents, or friends, or partner. Or dog. Or just want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual.

Maybe your partner is the problem? Or maybe you are the problem and just don't know it. And need's Love Guru to tell you just that.

So if you feel you want some personal advice, do write in to (Subject: Ask Love Guru).

If you wish to remain anonymous, do let us know and your name won't be disclosed when publishing responses to your queries.

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