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How To Discuss Money In A New Relationship

By RAVI MITTAL
Last updated on: April 17, 2023 12:54 IST
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Discussing something as challenging as money should not be done through texts or calls in the middle of a stressful week or even a weekend before an important event, advises Ravi Mittal, CEO, Quack Quack, an online dating app.

IMAGE: Kindly note the image -- a scene from the Netflix series Little Things -- has been posted only for representational purposes.
 

There's so much to learn about a person once you start dating them, but how do you ask about their finances?

You can't just outrightly ask, "What tax bracket do you fall in?" or "Are you in debt?"

QuackQuack Founder and CEO Ravi Mittal says, "Talking finances with your date can be tricky. You can't bring it up prematurely and risk seeming too nosey about their finances. In fact, we ask our users to steer clear of that topic till meeting in person. Almost 3 out of 10 daters have conflicts about money."

If you want a second date, don't bring up money on the very first one. That's tip number one. Here are the rest:

1. Take Baby Steps

Take small steps when bringing up financial discussions while dating.

Start by casually disclosing your salary.

Wait for them to reveal theirs; if that doesn't happen, it doesn't necessarily mean they have something to hide. It can merely mean they are not as comfortable talking about money.

The future plans of a person can reveal a lot too.

Don't pressurize your partner to reveal anything they aren't ready to; get back to the topic later when they might feel comfortable with it.

 

2. Timing Is EssentiaL

Financial talks in a new relationship can shake the foundation of it if done in haste. But sooner or later, it will come up; it can be about your spending habits or theirs.

And when the time comes, pick the right moment to ask or answer.

Do this right, and it can be the first step toward a healthy relationship.

Don't spring money talks on a person on the first date or even the very first week of a new relationship.

Discussing something as challenging as money should not be done through texts or calls in the middle of a stressful week or even a weekend before an important event.

Also, avoid asking rapid-fire questions about something as touchy as money.

 

3. Give Them Scenarios And See How They React

Instead of directly discussing the matter, use financial scenarios and gauge their reactions.

What Ifs are perfect when you don't want to have a straight discussion but are not entirely keen on beating around the bush either.

For instance, "What if we want to take a long vacation; do you think we can afford it?" or "What if you got a better offer, but you have to leave me, would you?"

The scenarios might be fake, but the answers will fetch you some real insight into your new partner.

Don't be upset if the answer does not match your expectations.

It is baseless to pick a fight based on the reactions; it can, and it will turn ugly. Financial conflicts always do.

 

4. Start Early

While it's advised not to get into such serious talks right in the beginning, don't wait too long. Not the first week, but the first month of your relationship can be the perfect time to discuss finances.

Financial intimacy, the same as emotional and physical intimacy, is part of a healthy relationship.

Don't force a financial discussion. The timing might seem right for one partner, but not always both.

Financial talks have to be initiated from both ends, or one partner might seem nosier than the other.

 

5. There's No One Right Way

Before discussing money or any other heavy topics as such, it is crucial to understand that there is no one right way.

Two people in a relationship might have different approaches toward money.

Giving each other space and freedom, especially about handling money is a major step toward happy living.

Of course, as long as their money style is within reason.

Don't thrust personal opinions on others, especially about something as sensitive as money. It will create tension in your relationship and lead to eventual resentment.

The idea is to be considerate and choose your moment while discussing money with your significant other.

Do not let financial talks be taboo by beating around the bush.

Feature Presentation: Ashish Narsale/Rediff.com

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RAVI MITTAL