Be practical and value what you have -- a wonderful family and a loving wife who continues to tolerate you even after you confessed falling for someone else, advises Love Guru.
Are you in love with someone outside your marriage?
Does the thought of loving a stranger scare you?
Rediff's Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions for over a decade now.
She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it.
If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.
- You can post your questions to Love Guru HERE.
Anonymous: I am a single mother working from home. My job requires a lot of focus and uninterrupted time.
Lately, a married man, someone I know either through work or socially has been interrupting me quite often during my working hours.
At first, I didn't think much of it. His messages or calls seemed casual and friendly, sometimes even about work. But now, it is becoming too frequent, and honestly, it's starting to feel intrusive.
He often reaches out for non-urgent reasons, just to chat or share random things.
Even when I delay my replies or hint that I'm busy, he keeps coming back.
I've started to feel a bit uncomfortable -- not just because it's affecting my work and focus, but because I'm not sure what his real intentions are.
He is married and sometimes the tone of his messages or the need for emotional connection feels... a bit much.
I don't want to overreact or misjudge the situation but I also don't want to encourage something that feels inappropriate.
I am torn between keeping things cordial and professional and protecting my peace and boundaries.
I don't want to create awkwardness, especially if I'll have to interact with him again in the future.
Tell him very politely that you cannot entertain calls during your work hours. And stop answering the calls and messages during those hours. He will get the message.
Sumit: Hello! Ma'am, I'm 39 yrs old guy from Delhi.
I never ever been into a relationship with a woman. Neither I dated nor I approached someone due to my own flaws, career setbacks, self hatred thoughts about my own personality and more.
Once, a girl said that I am boring.
It's not like I don't like women or I don't respect them.
I love them and can do things to make a woman happy. But, now some women are greedy and hungry for a man's money, property. To, get this she uses fake cases against the man and his family.
Since, I have no experience in dating, marriage is a bit scary and the fear is real.
The Government of India and the law, all are against the men.
Also, I'm an ADHD guy. So, this creates more messed in life and career.
I don't know whether I should try it or not, being with a woman.
Please guide and kindly share your thoughts?
I think, Sumit, that you are thinking too much about all this.
Let life happen naturally -- women are not all opportunists! That's like saying all men are misogynistic and it's far from true.
Yes, in our country we need laws like we have because of the patriarchal system and mindset.
You just live your life and if you meet someone interesting, who's also interested in you, pursue it and see where it goes.
Love is not something we deliberate upon and decide to opt for; it just happens.
Anonymous: I am a 46-year-old male, married for the past 17 years. I have one son. My wife loves me very much. She has been highly possessive about me since our marriage.
I fell in love with my colleague, who is a widow and 25 years of age, with a seven-year-old daughter.
She only started communicating and talking to me a lot. I was not having any kind of feelings towards her as I was overloaded with work.
Then, I got transferred to another place. There, work pressure is not as much as in the earlier section.
Now, I am in love with that widow. I told this to my wife also but I have not disclosed it to the widow.
After hearing this, my wife was shocked.
After a hue and cry, now my wife is back to normal and warned me to stay away from that girl. But I am not able to forget that girl. I called her over the phone four to five times.
When I was with her, I never confessed that I love her. Now, when I got transferred, I am keeping WhatsApp statuses which are visible only to her.
Whenever I put up sad and love breakup messages, only at that time she will respond by keeping a WhatsApp status; otherwise, she will be neutral.
Whenever I've called her, she has replied and we spoke casually.
Now, she also knows that I love her, but she is not responding.
I have deleted her mobile number, but I remember it.
Daily, before reaching my house, I delete the number.
I don't want to cheat on my wife, and at the same time, I am not able to forget that girl also. Please suggest what to do.
Time heals all wounds.
And in this case, you definitely should let it.
The girl is half your age and not interested in you.
Be practical and value what you have -- a wonderful family and a loving wife who continues to tolerate you even after you confessed falling for someone else!
This is not love, my dear, it's just a midlife crisis -- an infatuation, nothing more.
- You can post your questions to Love Guru HERE.
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