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What's a non-veg joke?

September 28, 2016 12:47 IST

Say goodbye to these 10 Indianisms, says Anita Aikara.

We Indians have a way of twisting the English language, don't we?

And then we tend to use certain words so incorrectly that it annoys people.

10 words and phrases we suggest you stop using right now!


1. Please be online

Every time a customer care executive puts your call on hold, s/he says, "Please be online."

It is funny how they twist on the line to online.

They fail to understand that being online means to be connected to the Internet.

Example: Rishi was online today so I chatted with him.

When you put someone on hold while speaking on the telephone, do use on the line.

2. Alphabet

Most Indians are so confused between alphabets and letters.

How often you hear people say, "My name starts with the alphabet A."

Sorry to bust your bubble buddy, but alphabet is a set of letters, from A to Z.

A, B, C, D, etc are letters of the alphabet.

Example: A is the first letter of the alphabet.

3. Heighted

This is a word that just needs to disappear.

The other day I heard a lady in the train saying, "My daughter is very heighted."

I am assuming she meant that her daughter is tall.

There is height and heights. But there is no such word as heighted.

The next time you're talking about someone's height, simply use tall.

4. Non-veg joke

Remember the time you used this phrase to describe a dirty joke?

We all know there's vegetarian food and non-vegetarian food.

But what's a non-veg joke? Is it something edible?

A joke is a joke by any name. If you are making a lewd joke, drop 'non veg'; call it a joke!

5. As per my orders

We're so used to using per; no one knows where or when this word originated.

A lot of Indians use it in place of according to.

Per is quite a redundant word.

Examples: As per my knowledge; ;As per my request; As per instructions

You can use different words instead of per.

Examples: As far as my knowledge goes; According to my request; As instructed...

In most cases you can simply do away with per.

Example: Instead of 'As per the instructions'; use 'As the instructions indicate...'

6. I need your earliest response

We are still wondering why Indians say earliest response.

It is grammatically incorrect.

The right way to say it would be: 'I need your response as soon as possible' or 'An early response would be appreciated.'

7. Where are you putting up?

Ever bumped into someone who wants to know where you putting up?

Of course, they need to know where you will be staying.

But that's the Indian way of asking people where they live or where they'll be staying.

The phrase needs to be done away with as it is grammatically incorrect.

8. Today morning/yesterday evening

Often when referring to something that happened the previous night, people use yesterday evening.

When they speak of something that happened earlier in the day, they use today morning.

Example: Today morning I woke up late.

The correct way of saying it would be last night and this morning.

Example: 'This morning I woke up late' or 'Last night, we watched a movie.'

If you are talking of something that will happen today, in the night, just say tonight.

9. Days back/before

A popular Indian way of describing something that happened a while ago is to use 'back'.

Example: I paid the home loan one month back.

Two days back I fell off the bike.

There's nothing wrong with using back, but the right word is ago.

Example: I paid the home loan one month ago.

Two days ago, I fell off the bike.

10. Two-months course

Confused whether it is two-months or two-month?

Well, the right answer is two-month course.

Two-month is an adjective for the noun course. So don't use s (plural).

The same is the case with million-dollar question.

IMAGE: Photograph: Uriel Sinai/Getty Images

Anita Aikara /