How we communicate with each other is what truly keeps a relationship alive.
Every partner wants to feel, heard and seen. Yet, when we have the love of our lives by our side, we sometimes tend to take them for granted and forget how to nurture our relationship on a daily basis, notes relationship expert Shahzeen Shivdasani.
We spend most of our lives wanting a relationship, but often have no clue how to maintain and nurture one once we are in it.
How you behave during a conflict sets the tone for how you will treat each other in the long term as these small things can become habits very quickly.
Here are 10 things you should avoid saying during a conflict with your partner.
1. Stop with the personal attacks
Avoid saying: "You are so selfish; you only think of yourself."
Instead, say: "I feel like my needs are not getting enough consideration. Can we find a balance that works for both of us?"
2. Don't bring up the past
Don't say: "You never follow through on what you say."
Instead, say: "I've noticed some challenges with consistency. Can we collaborate to figure out how to make positive changes that are manageable for you to stay consistent with?"
3. Ultimatums aren't the answer
Don't say: "If you don't do this, I am out the door."
Consider saying: "Let's find a compromise that works for both of us."
4. Don't be passive-aggressive
Avoid using mockery in a serious conversation.
Don't say: "Well, you surely handled that well!"
Instead say: "I think there's a better way to deal with the situation. Would you like to discuss it?"
5. Avoid screaming or the silent treatment
When dealing with conflict, steer clear of both extremes.
Instead, communicate.
Try saying: "I need some me time to collect my thoughts."
Then take your time and go back and discuss it calmly.
6. Comparisons won't get you far
Don't compare your partner to someone else. It will only have a negative impact.
Instead, focus on your partner's qualities and how you can appreciate and support each other.
7. No absolutes
Avoid saying: "You NEVER listen to me."
Say this instead: "I feel unheard sometimes and this is something I need in a relationship. Can we work on our communication?"
8. Keep your tone in mind
It's not just what you communicate, it's also how you communicate it.
Instead of using a harsh tone, try a calmer approach to keep the conversation constructive.
9. Be a good listener
Allow your partner to express their emotions without interruption.
Hear their wants and needs as well. This ensures both partners feel understood.
10. You're NOT a mind reader
Do not presume things about your partner. Ask.
Avoid saying: "You don't appreciate anything I do."
Instead say: "I feel at times as though my efforts go unnoticed; however, I could be wrong. Can we discuss how we both perceive these efforts?"
How we communicate with each other is what truly keeps a relationship alive.
Every partner wants to feel, heard and seen. Yet, when we have the love of our lives by our side, we sometimes tend to take them for granted and forget how to nurture our relationship on a daily basis.
Take good care of your relationship.
Be kind to it. And always remember that healthy relationships are created, not found.
- Stressed about your relationship? Seek help from rediffGURUS HERE.
