'I feel like marriage is my chance to escape poverty'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on April 19 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hi there folks and welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started...
Bhavin asked, Hi Loveguru..I dont have a problem with anything and have never fallen in love(except one girl she loved someone else) and that I am being told to keep a meeting for arranged marriage.What are the questions and what dressing sense should i have while going on such arranged meetings
Love Guru answers, Dress well, but don't overdo it -- smart casuals, I would say. As for the questions you should ask, take them as they come and don't fire them off in a row or it will seem more like an interview! Make smalltalk about what she does career-wise, what her interests are, share yours -- see what you have in common. Getting to know her will tell you how compatible you would be as a couple. And chemistry is important, even if it is an arranged marriage -- there should be some mutual attraction between you two, although in one meeting it may be a little difficult to gauge it. Still, you'll have an idea once you meet and talk to her.
ppp asked, hi..love guru ..i love a girl she is a very dear freind of mine &frank to me in all respect ....how do i assume thats he also loves me or how do i propose her.i dont want to loose her
Love Guru answers, You'll never know for sure till you declare your own feelings to her. When you do, be gentle and not overly dramatic and also assure her that if she's not into the idea, you'd like to carry on being friends like you are now. That said, there must be certain hints she must have dropped you -- if she's as affectionate towards you as you are towards her, or flirts mildly, you know she's interested.
Suneel asked, i getting engagement but till today i didnt speak to her, how to start?
Love Guru answers, You got engaged without speaking to her at all? You're rather brave, I must say! In any case, see the answer I gave Bhavin earlier in the chat and take your cues from there, although I'd say it's a little late to gauge mutual attraction and compatibility!
Riya asked, I am in love with my friends i like him how would i know he has the same feeling whic i have please love guru reply
Love Guru answers, Only by telling him how you feel, I would say. If that's too much for you, maybe a common friend can casually pitch the idea of you two making a good couple and see how he reacts to it?
BB asked, Hi Love Guru, Why there is pain in Love breakups. How to recover it ASAP. Please suggest
Love Guru answers, I'm sorry, but there's no quick fix for heartbreak -- time is the best healer and it tends to work better and quicker if you make a conscious effort to move on with your life, instead of wallowing in the pain.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
Image: 'I feel like marriage is my chance to escape poverty'
'I love her and she calls me 'brother''
srd asked, Hi love guru, One year back I love a girl, so after 6months I knew that she is my fried's sister, so when I went to their house she is calling me 'brother', so I can't hear that ward, Bcz i cant live with out her, how can i proced?
Love Guru answers, She doesn't know your feelings towards her and is only extending you a courtesy since her brother is your friend. I would suggest talking to him about how you feel for her first, before you do or say anything to her directly.
couple asked, Hi.. LG. we are a couple here in our early thirty. we have done once soft swap and once soft 3some. We dont have any problem regarding this type of fun. Should we go further and explore more. What you suggest? Pls Reply. We will be very thank full to u.
Love Guru answers, I can't dictate to you how to conduct yourselves sexually -- everyone's moral views, sexual preferences and relationships are different. It's your call whether you want to continue with your experimentations, but I will give you one piece of advice -- whatever you indulge in, make sure both of you take the decision together and are 100 percent on board. You're treading in dangerous territory here and one partner shouldn't feel pressured into something, else that is where the cracks start developing in a relationship.
fdg asked, Hi Loveguru, I am happily married but recent started getting attracted to another girl, she is also nice with me and shares her minute details with me. She is attracted to me and want to have physical relation with me but i am not ready as i feel i am just attracted to her but cannot betray my wife. She says she does not want to get married to me but insits in having physical relation. I have started ignoring her to some extent. I dont want to get into any kind of physical relation with her. What to do?
Love Guru answers, You shouldn't have gotten so close to her in the first place, that she shares intimate details of her life with you. You're a married man and the only intimacies you should be familiar with are your wife's. I'd say nip this situation in the bud right now. And if you give in to her physical demands, trust me, you'll be in a far worse situation.
bunnu asked, Love Guru , my neighbor aunty around 35 age is living alone , because her husband works in saudi arabia , i think , she is feeling lonely all the time , there some ppl , who try to harras her , so i want to help her , what shd i do ?
Love Guru answers, Which people are harrassing her and for what? By all means, be a good neighbour and extend support if you like, but also remember where to draw the line at playing good samaritan. Some things are not your business and at the end of the day, she's someone else's wife.
ratnakar asked, Hi love gur, i am in love with on girl from last 2yr, she also loves me, we never met each other, her marriage is fixed now, but i my mind is not accepting that she is going away from me, i am completly distrubed.. suggest what to do
Love Guru answers, You never met her and you fancy yourself in love. Look, this is just an infatuation and you'll get over it, trust me. Just give it a little time and remember, you can't claim to know and love someone you've not even seen! You have no idea whatsoever how you would work out as a couple and while you may not be able to see that right now, please believe what I'm telling you.
Anu asked, I love this guy and he loves me too.. but he shares too little about himselves. what do i do to make him open up
Love Guru answers, Some people aren't very open and take time to become comfortable around others, even those they love. Encourage him to talk about himself, express his feelings and let him know that pleases you -- and don't pressure him into it, take things slow and give him a little time.
Image: 'I love her and she calls me 'brother''
'My boyfriend slept with several women and now I fear AIDS'
SAM asked, Hi Love Guru I am in a relationship from last 2 years with a girl who is 8 years younger to me. But from last 3 to 4 months I have been friend with an another girl who is of my age & I have started liking her. Recently she proposed me & asked me to marry her in spite of me being in a relation. Please suggest me what should I do? I don't want to hurt my GF but I like this new girl? So Plse help me......
Love Guru answers, Knowing somebody for 16 weeks, as compared to a two year relationship isn't quite the same thing, is it? If you love your girlfriend and see a future for the two of you, I'd say this is nothing more than a passing attraction. If, on the other hand, you feel more for this new girl and are only concerned about hurting your gal but don't love her anymore, I'd say that breaking up is the only solution. But let me also just advise you that the initial spark in a relationship always fades and it may well be the case with the new girl once another two years with her have passed. So weigh your options carefully and only then make a decision.
Rohit asked, Hi Loveguru, I m in deep love with my best friend n have proposed her thrice...bt her reply is I dont think the same bout u...I have always treated u like a best friend...I m still in love with her...i know her since last 8 years and wish 2 marry her...plz suggest any action...
Love Guru answers, Rohit, if you value her as a friend I'd say stop proposing. I had someone like you in the chat last week and he said he proposed to his best friend so many times that eventually she cut him off when he wouldn't take no for an answer. Don't be him -- learn to accept a 'no' gracefully and preserve what you do have, a beautiful friendship. And in the meantime, look to other girls to date! If you remain hung up on her, you'll let opportunities to meet someone new slip through your fingers.
qazwsx asked, Hi LG, One of friend is married for last 5 years. She and her husband shared a good relation, but now she is pregnant and came to know that her husband is having affair with one of his colleague (who is also married with a 2 year old kid). She is very disturbed now. Even once she warned to her husband regarding this, still he is continuing. Please suggest what she should do at this stage.
Love Guru answers, I feel for her, but just because she's pregnant that shouldn't stop her from leaving him. I think he's a disgrace and a poor excuse for a husband and she should walk out. I'm sure her family will support her through this when they find out what he's up to.
natasha asked, I came to know that my boy friend had sex with several girls. I don't knw how to react to this. I'm afraid of AIDS as we had sex several times. should I test myself?. Thank you loveguru.
Love Guru answers, Yes, do get yourself tested -- it's not just AIDs that spreads through sex, a lot of STDs like herpes etc do too. And I hope you've dumped him if he's cheated on you!
labdhi asked, Hi LG. Labdhi here. Recently I got engaged bt I dnt like dat guy at all but I love sumone else. Wat do i do ???
Love Guru answers, So why did you agree to get engaged? Family pressure? You're not married yet, if you don't want to go through with this you don't have to. Or you'll end up saying you're married to a man you don't like and love someone else, and that is a much worse situation to be in than breaking off an engagement!
rohan@28 asked, was in a relationship for 3.5yrs....she two timed wid me...nw m over her... bt she still callz or msgs me.. i reject her call bt she still call me back...dont knw wat 2 do help me out.. thanks
Love Guru answers, If you're over her, there's no need to stay in touch if you don't feel like it. Maybe she realises that she made a mistake and wants to make it up to you. So accept her apology, if that's what she's offering, but it doesn't have to go any further than that.
Image: 'My boyfriend slept with several women and now I fear AIDS'
'She tells me she's unsure of our relationship every now and then'
dhruv123 asked, hi, I am in a relationship and I love the gal very much. But at times she says that she is bit confused about her feeling and may be there is something wrong. Then d next day, she would say she just gone bit crazy and not to worry. I know she is not seeing anyone else as most of the time we spend 2gethr nd many time i carry her cellphone . But I am bit confused regarding her confusion. pls suggest
Love Guru answers, She's unsure of the relationship -- but you need to find out why. Ask her what makes her feel like this about the two of you and maybe a trial separation may not be a bad idea -- give each other a little space for awhile till she can make up her mind properly about whether she sees a future with you or not.
qwertyuiop asked, hi LG!!1 its been 8 yrs of my married life but even today I cant forget my bf of 1 yr I love my husband and he loves me too.. we gel well.. whatz keeps me thinking abt he other guy .. I feel guilty at times... pls help
Love Guru answers, Treat it as a fond memory and nothing more -- eight years of marriage to someone you love counts a lot more than dating for one year, so realise your priorities.
bjy asked, hi love guru, i am 24 and in love with a guy. our cast is same and we are family friends so i dont see any issue in our marriage. but we both are poor families and since childhood i have been waiting for my marriage as a chance to get out of this poverty. i know if i go for arrange marriage then i can get that dream true but can't decide because dont know when i started loving this guy.. what to do.. pls help. in big trouble...
Love Guru answers, You could choose to rely on your boyfriend and yourself to make your lives a success instead of the easy way, marrying into money. And remember, it will come at a price -- you may not love your husband like you do your guy. Study hard, work harder still and be in control of your own finances and your own lives, is what I'd say.
Preetisen asked, i was in a relationship with a guy ,when i asked him for marriage he said that his family wont accept since it would be an intercaste marriage.My parents on the other hand was forcing me to marry.I then got married to the guy of my parents choice.He is a great guy and his family loves me too.But somewhere my ex-bf blames me that i should have waited.When we were in relationship he once cheated me but still I accepted him .When i asked for marriage he gave me weired reasons of not marrying.Now he says I have used and ditched him.He is also blackmailing me with oictures and sms and chats we had and threatening to tell my husband.What do I do?I have already told my husband about my ex-bf but not in detail.what do i do ...plz help
Love Guru answers, Your ex-boyfriend sounds like a real sleaze. If you can, cut him off completely -- don't respond to his e-mails, calls or SMSes at all, no matter what he says and threatens you with. And confide in your husband about his threats, so that if he carries them out, it will come to nothing. He already knows you were in a relationship and will understand, hopefully.
koolguru asked, Hey Loveguru..After 5 yrs of marriage and a kid I am not in luv with my hubby...his too much closeness wth his friend's family and uncaring attitude twds me is causing the issues....he is trying to improve but am i wrong to say too much water has flown down the bridge...evrytime past hurs crop up
Love Guru answers, If he's trying to improve don't you think you should give him a chance? Unless you want your marriage to fail, I'd say stop living in the past. If things are still upsetting you from back then, sit down with him, talk them out, have your say and then wash your hands off them. Look to a new beginning.
Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today! Till next week, goodbye and all the best!
Image: 'She tells me she's unsure of our relationship every now and then'