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'I'm in love with a senior colleague'

Last updated on: February 26, 2015 16:06 IST
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Love Guru

"Probably you must be getting a lot of advice saying that you must go against your parents' wishes, but my advice would be to avoid that as much as possible.

"Parents, I have often said here, are motivated by their desire that their child must get the best of life, but this doesn't come out well most often.

"Try addressing their fears, worries, reservations, they may agree"

In a weekly chat with readers every Thursday, Rediff's Love Guru addresses their relationship problems and offers solutions.

For those who missed the chat on February 26, 2015, here's the transcript!

Kalpana-Roy: That's not reality nowadays whether it's marriage or love , sorry... morals people don't have nowadays to stick to one person but thanks for your answer

Love Guru: People still do have morals, Kalpana-Roy, it is just that they have changed, because society itself has changed.

Morals cannot be rigid, unchanging, forever.

They keep evolving, and based on them our interactions and relationships too change. That's the nature of the world we live in.

Vinayak Tavade: Is it ok to be with a girl who is very complex about everything, my gf doubts me for everything, doubts me for what I haven't done as well, its really frustrating , what should I do?

Love Guru: Vinayak Tavade, that's not a great place to be in, always under suspicion. But I hope it is not because of your behaviour that she is reacting like this?

Is she a naturally suspicious person? Does her suspicion extend to other relationships in her life, other situations,as well, or only towards you?

If the former, then she is suspicious by nature; if the latter, then it is because of you.

Vinayak Tavade: yes she is suspicious about everything, I haven't done anything, I simply cant understand why she is doing this?

Love Guru VinayakTawde, apart from this suspicious nature, I am sure there are many redeeming, wonderful qualities about her.

If you really love her, why don't you focus on them, pay more attention to them, and let this be in the background?

After all, there is no perfect relationship, because there is no perfect human being.

All of us have flaws, as do you. Underplay the negatives, go for the positives.

Kalpana-Roy: In an arranged marriage set up does one find love... nowadays people are so much cheating even In a love marriage or affair..... people want a GF and a wife together...

I was wondering how does one find love in any marriage with infidelities?

Love Guru: Kalpana-Roy, our parents all had an arranged marriage, did they not find love?

There is more infidelity around today,yes, you are right, but that does not take away from the institution of marriage itself.

The rules have changed, it is like a 5-day Test match making way for one-day match and now to T20, but the sport of cricket is still alive, isn't it?

tweety: A girl in her 20's had an intimate relationship with a guy in his mid 30's and he is a divorcee waiting for second marriage.

She wants to marry him but he says he cannot marry her and feels guilty. But he continues to have the relation with her. LG please help that girl how can she marry him?

Love Guru: Tweety, he doesn't love her, he doesn't want to marry her, thank god at least he is being honest about it.

So, if the girl hopes to change his mind, she won't succeed. But if she is okay with continuing in a futureless relationship, she can stay.

But very likely, when he finds a woman to marry, he won't be interested in her. Those are the rules within which she will need to play.

Kalpana-Roy: hi, I have to decide who am i supposed to marry... I don't have a bf... I wanted to know how would you suggest if you had to marry fast...thanks

Love Guru : Kalpana-Roy, you don't have a boyfriend but you have to decide who you are to marry.

What kind of conundrum is that? I have no suggestions to make in this situation, on what you should do to get married fast

Parwez Khan : Hi LG I love someone but I am doubtful about her.

I don't know she love me truly or not. because some times she avoid me and she not wanted to talk with me she telling lie and suddenly she trying to talk with me. So plz tell me what i have to do...

Love Guru: Parwez Khan, if you don't know if she loves you truly, then, rather than breaking your head over it and ruining your peace of mind, I suggest that you ask her outright about it, and why she avoids you at times and doesn't talk to you properly.

From my perch I can give you an opinion but it won't be.

To know the truth, you need to talk to her, ask her about it

Vibhav Sharma : I'm in a relationship wid a girl for last two years but still she couldn't get over her ex what am I supposed to do?

Love Guru : Vibhav Sharma, that's a tough one. Two years is a long time to get over someone.

Why don't you tell her that her behaviour undermines your feelings, and share your feelings with her?

It could also be that she is not seeing this current relationship as something serious.

If you are serious about it/her, share your thoughts with her.

Maybe she will change her mind after you speak to her about it.

Amol Dhurve : I love a girl, she works in my office. I haven't spoken to her yet, we work in the same office but different department, I want to talk to her.

How do start the conversation? -plz give some tips

Love Guru: Amol Dhurve, working in the same office is the easiest way to break the ice. There are so many places and occasions one can naturally start a conversation.

Be friendly, be polite, and you will find it all coming easily to you.

Virendra Raje: I love to a girl she know that it very well but she never under stood my feeling I have drop so much msg or call to her but she not responding to me.

I cant live without her plz suggest what to do. She always reply to me plz understand my problem main majboor hoon.

Love Guru: Virendra Raje, I hope some day soon you will realise that she doesn't reciprocate your feelings and that you will be able to walk away from it all.

She may like you, but she doesn't love you.

Probably she doesn't want to hurt you so she is not being blunt with you, maybe hoping that you will get the message.

shirish: I am pretty confused when it comes to get married, as my heart was broken by my gf, I cannot trust anyone now, my parents want me to get married.

I can't understand what to do? please help

Love Guru: shirish, if everyone who had their heart broken were to not get married, this world would be full of single people!

What I am saying is that these things happen to everyone, the trick is not to get bogged down by the experience, but to move on.

Give yourself time to get over the breakup,and approach romance with a positive outlook.

suman singh: I really love a guy, we study in the same college and same tuitions, I really love him but how do I start a conversation with him?

Love Guru: suman singh, very easily. Just walk up to him and start talking.

But it's quite amazing that without talking to him you have concluded that you are in love with him. Hopefully,you won't change your mind later!

kunika: Hi LG, I have just come out of a relation, its been a month and half, my gf broke up with me.

Is it fine to be in a relation just after one and half month of break up?

Love Guru: kunika, is there a legally approved cooling off time before one enters into a relationship following a breakup?

No. This time varies from person to person. it is good if you have managed to a) get over the breakup and b) found someone else, so soon

aaryan joshi : hi..I am 23. I am in love with my classmate since last 4 months.

At starting our relationship is going decently but she doesn't talk to me last two months, reason is that she lied her ex that she had a relation with me.

So after that she broke up with me and patched up with her ex. How can I bring her back in my life please help me.

Love Guru: Aaryan Joshi, seems to me that she came to you on the rebound after breaking up with her boyfriend, and went back to him after a patchup.

There's really nothing much you can do in such a situation, but lick your wounds and maybe blame your luck.

saibhangsingh : Hey Buddy, I like a girl from the last 6 years maybe, she was my pretty good friend, then I started liking her.

I told some of my friends, and apparently they told her, after which she stopped talking to me.

Now she doesn't chat or anything. I actually like her a lot, please suggest what can I do.

Love Guru: saibhangsingh, if she was your pretty good friend why did you have to take the round-about route of telling your friends and they telling her?

That, possibly, put her off you. But you can still make amends to her. Have you tried talking to her? Does she ignore you?

NAVEEN GUPTA : Hi , Love Guru, I am 40 and my wife is 34.

I married 11 years back. Having 3 Children.

My wife discloses that she is in love with other guy before marriage to me. But now I am very much dissatisfied, anxious to know the whole correct story.

We both are love to each other. please tell me to how I live with this thing?

Love Guru: Naveen Gupta, I don't see what you are upset about. So your wife was involved with another man before marriage. So?

Rajan sha : Hi LG, my name is rajan, I am in a relation for the past two years, I love her very much but my parents are against it, I tried convincing them, bur they are rigid, what do I do to convince them?

Love Guru: Rajan Sha, try harder. Probably you must be getting a lot of advice saying that you must go against your parents' wishes, but my advice would be to avoid that as much as possible.

Parents, I have often said here, are motivated by their desire that their child must get the best of life, but this doesn't come out well most often.

Try addressing their fears, worries, reservations, they may agree.

manisha satpute: I love a guy who recently quit his job and is currently pursuing first year of MBA.

I have completed my graduation and I'm working.

My parents want me to get married to another guy who is well settled.

The guy I love will need at least 2-3 years to settle and think of marriage. What should I do?

Love Guru : Manisha Satpute, have you tried discussing your dilemma with your parents?

Most parents, I believe, are not ogres, their failing usually is that they are blinded by their desire to do right by their children.

So yes, they will be understandably concerned that you marry a man with a viable future. if you can convince them, all will be well.

Jaykar Kajale : Hi LG, I'm in love with a senior colleague. But I don't have the courage to express my feelings.

I'm scared it will affect my career and professional life. Pls advice what to do?

Love Guru : Jaykar Kajale, so as not to give you any false hopes, I hope you received some signal from the signal that she likes you etc?

I am sorry I keep mentioning this every week because it is a common trait among men to assume a girl is interested in them when all the girl would've done is to be friendly and smile at them.

If you are not among such men, then go ahead.

sumeet salgaonkar: Hi LG, my name is sumeet, what is the right age for boys to get married?

Love Guru: Sumeet Salgaonkar, I think the legal age for men to marry in India is 21..

So one can marry any time after that (but never before the legal age), when one feels one is emotionally, financially, stable, and has found the right girl.

Also read

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

(Due to circumstances beyond our control, date and time of chat may change)

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