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'She ignores me and refuses to marry'

Last updated on: November 13, 2014 15:24 IST

In a weekly chat with readers, Lovu Guru shares relationship advice and offers solutions. 

Do you have a question to ask? Post them here!

Love Guru shares relationship adviceThere comes a time in everyone's life when you lose direction and look for answers everywhere.

Don't let a troubled relationship, a nagging partner or relatives affect your state of mind and happiness.

In a weekly chat with readers every Thursday, Love Guru analyses relationship problems and attempts to help with his advice.

For those who missed the chat, here's the unedited transcript


sm: my partner is turning into an exhibitionist in front of my friends. Do i need to ignore or do something about it?

Love Guru: SM, depends on... 
1. if you are uncomfortable about it
2. if your friends are uncomfortable with it and
3. why is s/he doing it.
Exhibitionism could be an ailment, or it could be a ruse to get one's way.

If it's the former with her, she needs psychiatric treatment as left unchecked it could land her in trouble.

Find out what is it with her first.


Sandeep Rajapure: My relation is 4 years old I love her so much and I want to marry with her she also ready for it but suddenly another person has come in her life and now she ignores me and has refused to marry.
I want her back. Plz advice. I’m not able to focus on a single thing.

Love Guru: Sandeep Rajapure, you may want her back but does she want you back? Find out that first.

She may have been unhappy with you in the first place, and chose the first exit option out that came her way.

Whatever, you will only know by talking to her? Does she talk to you at least, or is even that out?


Nitya Shetty: Can things be resolved if he stops talking in order to bring the matter to close?

Love Guru: Nitya Shetty, a lot of men suffer from the ostrich syndrome.

The bird, as you know, is believed to bury its head in the sand hoping the problem goes away. How would you deal with that? By coaxing the bird to pull its head out of the sand.


Murali Bansi: I am 22 years old and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost two years. We live in the same house together.

One of the problems is that she gets annoyed with me about little things I do. All these are frustrating for both of us. My main question is how do we make a permanent fix?

We have talked about this a number of times and we only can think of temporary fixes.

She's tried ignoring them and thinking "that's just who he is" but that doesn't seem to work for her.

Love Guru: Murali Bansi, let me get it right. She gets annoyed with you about the little things you do, which is frustrating for the two of you.

Simple solution, seems to me, would be alter the little things you do so you don't annoy her.

Possible?

The problem originates with you, and the solution too needs to come from you.


Seema Dutt: Hi I am 22-year old girl. I am B-Tech student. I have been in a relationship from 2 years. I love him a lot. But the problem is my parents doesn't like this relationship.

I want my parents in my life as well as my boyfriend. He is a typical man. I am unable to convince him, I give preference to my parents first in my life.

I want him to get out of my life because he doesn't respect my parents. But he is not gonna go from me.

Please suggest me a solution so that he could leave me forever, because I do not love him any more.

Love Guru: Seema Dutt, while not knowing what you mean in that not too flattering tone "he is a typical man", seems to me you are at the crossroads and need to choose one over the other.

In such a scenario, what can an outsider say except, choose wisely, and once you do, don't regret your decision but move on and ahead


vijendra singh: How do we know that some one like us when they don't speak to us? pls answer

Love Guru: Vijendra Singh, I suppose by being a mentalist?


sanket lade: Hello, I'm a 28 yr old boy...I am in a relationship for more than year now. My GF is from another state.

We used to chat and talk everyday.

Suddenly, she starts ignoring my calls and sms as well.

I am in tension. What to do in this situation? I love her very much.

Love Guru: Saket Lade, please see a post from Nita Nagpal below, your case seems identical.

Maybe you two are talking about each other?


Nitin Deshmukh: I love a girl she is basically a junior colleague of mine, I proposed her and she said yes after 2-3 months due to initial involvement of too many colleagues,(specially her friends) she starts ignoring me.

One of her friend told me that she is not interested in you any more.

Why she is doing to me like this? I want her back in my life again. Plz advise.

Love Guru: Nitin Deshmukh, people are free to accept, and also to change their mind.

Yes, you are right, you should be told why she changed her mind, but only she can tell you the reason.

Without seeming like you are stalking her or harassing her (both punishable in law), try speaking to her to know why she changed her mind about you.

I am sure she has her reasons, not just friends' influence


Rajiv Ranjan: My wife does not care about me. She gives importance to their parents and her studies. So she lives with them. But I can't live without her.please give me advice

Love Guru: Rajiv Ranjan, strange situation indeed.

Are you sure there is no deeper reason on her part to live alone?

Are you sure she is happy in the marriage?

In other words, is she unhappy with you?

From the outside, that's what it seems like.

Well, as you say, since you can't live without her, it is up to you to woo her and bring her back into your life, by being the person she wants you to be.


Varsha: What do men want, exactly, I don't understand my husband.

Love Guru: Varsha, what men want, what women want, etc, are large questions that can be discussed and debated till kingdom come.

Leave that aside, and try to understand why your hushand doesn't, well, understand you.

How do you do it?

Not by wondering what men want, but by finding out what your husband wants.


akt_sm3699@rediffmail.com: What to do when my wife is not concentrating on the importance of my saying and relation, instead she gives importance to the verdicts of either my relatives or her.

Love Guru: Akt_sm3699, these things happen. How does one handle it? By communicating with one's partner.

There are things one does without realising their effect on the other person, and most of us, when this is pointed out, are willing to do course correction.

Maybe you need to sit your wife down, point to her what she is doing, and how it is affecting you. I am sure she will do the needful.


Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com

Note: Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

If you have a question, you can post it right here! And be sure to log in every Thursday, between 3 pm and 4 pm IST!

(Due to circumstances beyond our control, date and time of chat may change.)

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