Who initiates the first kiss? Should you close your eyes when you kiss? To tilt or not to?
In their book The Desi Guide to Dating, Ira Trivedi and Sachin Bhatia give some helpful pointers on how to kiss right.
Presenting an excerpt:
Who leans in?
I strongly believe that girls should initiate the first kiss.
Boys assume that girls are shy, and so often make the first move themselves. Sometimes this works against them.
It may lead girls to believe that they're just trying to get into her pants, and can cause her to be suspicious or even put off.
If you really like her, then you should wait. And if she really likes you, trust me, she will kiss you
Sachin: An exploratory peck by the boys is fair game.
If she reciprocates, you are home. If she resists, let her make the next move.
Maybe she is just unsure and building up her confidence to kiss you back.
Ladies remember, prudence -- yes, pride -- no. If you like him, and want a relationship (even if you don't), the first kiss will mark your entry into the relationship zone.
Some girls are afraid that if they make the first move, he will think that she is 'loose'.
Dump any guy who thinks this way, it is probably better for you to find out that he has this kind of mentality to begin with.
If you kiss him first, he will admire your confidence. He will also understand who controls the pace of the relationship.
This is more for boys than for girls.
Don't throw yourself at her, and don't act desperate by getting too intense too fast.
Let the kiss start out slow and gentle, and let the intensity grow as you proceed.
Remember that you kiss not just with your mouth but with your entire body, so your body movements just mirror the pace in your mind and mouth.
Close your eyes. The most beautiful things are not seen by the eyes, but felt by the mind, heart and spirit.
Surrender to the moment and enjoy it for all of its aspects.
Plus, staring at someone you're kissing can make them feel self-conscious, and that's a sure-fire way to ruin what could potentially be the most romantic moment of your life.
Sachin: I think kisses are enjoyed with eyes closed, but most people take a peek and if you peek at the same time, you are so made for each other. Kiss on!
- Practice makes perfect.
Find a friend, a doll, a stuffed animal. Do what it takes to get the technique down.
There are many YouTube tutorials available, but these can be misleading.
Also keep in mind that it is a mistake to do Internet searches for 'kissing videos', especially if you're in a library or a public setting.
One gets to learn so much about authors through their writing.
Just watch the kissing scene with Ryan Gosling and Rachael McAdams in The Notebook and you are all set. And it's a great date movie to boot.
- When it comes to the tongue
Keep it in your mouth. Little butterfly touches say more than an anaconda invading alien territory.
Make an impact with your subtlety and style, not with your saliva.
Remember, you get NO points for creativity or weirdness when it comes to kissing.
Keep it old-fashioned. Leave your creativity for other aspects of intimacy.
- To tilt or not to tilt?
This is not something that one thinks about, but it can lead to a disastrous and embarrassing head on collision.
During the lift-off process take a second to gauge which way his/her head is tilting so you can adjust yours accordingly.
I gather one needs to be an aerospace engineer or a space pilot to be a good kisser.
Maybe Neil Armstrong has left some lessons for us. Oh, just kiss each other and enjoy it.
- You don’t kiss with just the lips
You kiss with your whole body. Every inch of you should be involved in that kiss, especially your hands.
Keep the 3 Bs (breasts, back and bottom) in mind; also don't forget to stroke her hair, play with her ear lobes, touch her neck.
You can even try kissing the neck and then moving slowly up. These little tricks get the nerve endings revved up in an unexpected and exciting way.
- Keep them wanting more.
Stop just as it gets good. They will be pining for more.
You killjoy … you! No please I beg you not to stop.
- Be mindful
Enjoy every moment of it, as opposed to focusing on being scared, or nervous, or thinking of what more you can do to get into her pants.
Kissing, like living, is not a race to be won, but a process and experience to enjoyed from every angle and perspective.
In conclusion, we want to say that while it is good to be well prepared for a kiss (and everything else in life) do keep in mind that being relaxed is the most important.
Do not put too much pressure on yourself and certainly not your partner, do not let the thought of the first kiss stress you out, instead look forward to it, enjoy the act itself and be positive and hopeful about all the sweet kisses that are waiting for you the near future.
Sachin: A real test of a kiss that went well is when you pull back but she does not.
The memory of that lingering kiss makes for great phone or text chats to keep the romance alive.
I don't mean dissecting the kiss, the tilt and the thrust but just talking about what both of you felt. Yeah, a good kiss does cement the relationship.
Excerpted from The Desi Guide to Dating Paperback by Ira Trivedi and Sachin Bhatia, with the kind permission of the publishers, HarperCollins India.