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How to train your mind to stay calm and positive

September 28, 2020 16:46 IST
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Reach out to a person who is not judging you.
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Start using positive words and language, advises Mind/life coach, NLP trainer and mental health guru Anu Krishna.

Master your emotions. Master your mind. Master your life.

If you experience discomfort within you, either you have to move away from it or you have to replace it with something pleasant. Photograph: Kind courtesy

If you are someone who thinks that stress is something that happens to everyone or that being anxious is a way of life, then all I can tell you is that you have simply gotten used to being in this state of mind that is filled with feelings of despair and uneasiness!

No wonder, the pandemic has pushed that feeling notches higher than what you have been subjecting yourself to.

What you cannot ever control is the external environment; irrational things that people say or do, traffic snarls, erratic weather or a heaving pandemic.

What do all these have in common? Unpredictability!

Uncertainty leading you at the mercy of the situation; one that you have no control of.

And as humans, you love familiarity so much that you choose to live there and anything outside of that poses a huge challenge and fear thereof.

No wonder, comfort zone is called such as it offers the much-needed comfort as warm as a mother's embrace. Nothing can substitute that feeling of warmth…

Now, if you think that it’s just the pandemic that caused you the feeling of uneasiness, think again.

Even much before it, there might have been challenges at work, with health, with relationships, with financial situations.

You are possibly jogging back in time and nodding your head in agreement.

This can be mapped onto the future which is conveniently masked in a cloak of invisibility and once more you fall into the same pit of despair!

How much longer are you going to surround yourself with the darkness of not knowing when all this will ease?

If your answer is: Let the situation ease and so will I, then you are at the mercy of the situation and this you have no control over.

I am sure by now you want to know what to do about this -- how to leap out of that darkness and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

So, simply take charge and allow your mind to be in the forefront managing the situation like a pro.

You might have heard this many times over that mind is the cause for all miseries.

But the mind can also be the cause for you creating a life that you want.

It's just about becoming aware of your mind, the emotions that have a field day and what they are conveying to you.

Master your emotions, Master your mind, Master your life…

I know you are possibly laughing away thinking how can this even be possible.

How can I make a family member understand how I feel?

How can I get through to my teenager?

How can I get a good night's sleep?

How can I manage my weight?

How can I feel fitter from within?

If these are questions that have appeared into your mind and you have dismissed them as ones that don't have any answers or don't deserve any answers, do remember what you push away without settling them, will only reappear to call out to your attention till you do something to answer them.

It's like trying to ignore a child that tugs at your leg asking for your attention and he/she calms down only when you hoist them in your arms and give them a loving hug and a few words of comfort.

These questions above point towards an emotional state arising from an emotion attached to them and the more you push them away, the more they come to stare at you.

And you know why? Because you are uncomfortable with that relationship.

You are dissatisfied with your fitness.

And you are unhappy with your communication with your child.

This discomfort comes around only because all these are important to you and you want a near 'perfect' feeling with it all.

It's just that you are conditioned by the external environment to behave in a particular way since childhood and sooner than later, this conditioned behaviour works in opposition to what you actually want in life.

No wonder, things are within your reach seem to be eluding you.

What explains why you actually were unable to get that promotion or despite the fact that you studied well, your mind blanked out?

When what you value is not in an optimum state of happiness and comfort, it starts to eat at your very core and this manifests as stress and anxiety.

So, when you value certain 'must haves' in various aspects of your life, why would you let it slip away and not step up and take a good look at it?

Why continue to compromise on a beautiful living when you absolutely can?

A lot of people say that 'Time will heal everything' or 'You can erase the past.'

If this were true, why do we still feel a tinge of sadness with certain past events? Time should have healed it.

Or why were you not able to erase it from your memory?

Simply because this isn't possible.

These old sayings just distracted you but really never allowed you to dig deeper inside the mind to see what is going on.

Let's look a few ways in which you can start befriending the mind so it trusts you enough to let you in on all the secrets that it has been holding from you with respect to your optimum state of mind.

What you can do when you are facing a situation that is unpleasant:


Close your eyes.

Pay attention to the images in your mind’s eye; it is telling you something.

Focus on your breath; it’s possibly a little laboured.

Notice if there is a discomfort within you.

Now, what is this revealing? Either you have to move away from it or you have to replace it with something pleasant.

When you spend time observing a situation, you gain perspectives from it that will help you move into a solution space from a problem space.

Notice how, your breath has slowed down and the discomfort fades away.

You can try this with any situation that causes you a feeling of uneasiness or discomfort.

What you can do as a practise every day to cultivate a calmer mind

Start journaling your emotions.

Reach out to a person who is not judging you.

Surround yourself with positive people.

Choose what you read on social media.

Start using positive words and language.

What can you do to sustain this?  -- Follow the 3 G's.

Gratitude for what you have.

Grounding to feel one with yourself.

Growth mindset to look at challenges as an opportunity for growth.

A lot has been said about mind management but it starts to take shape only when you take the lead on it.

No one can change you or promise to change you, till you want it. Your mind can work for you or against you; it's how you train it.

So, train it to lead you to the secrets and keep the channel of communication open with it, so you become aware and act on it.

Remember, what goes on in your mind also impacts your body. So mental health and physical health work in perfect tandem.

The adage 'healthy mind in a health body' ring a bell, anyone?

It's a no-brainer why a few people who seem to have it all actually are the ones who have unlearned and trained the mind towards positivity and growth.

Yes, you can be one of those few and create the life that you want!

Anu Krishna is an NLP trainer, mind coach and co-founder, Unfear Changemakers LLP and Soulful Exploration LLP. Her book Mind Health and Taking Charge will release in October.

Dear readers, is there something that is bothering you that you are not able to talk to anyone about?

You don't have to be alone and you are NOT.

Tell us what is bothering you. Please send us your questions and tell us what you are struggling with.

Based on the information you share, mind/life coach, NLP trainer and mental health guru Anu Krishna will help you find answers and guide you to help yourself overcome the situation better.

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