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Rediff.com  » Getahead » How To Let Go Of a Draining Relationship

How To Let Go Of a Draining Relationship

By RAVI MITTAL
November 10, 2022 11:53 IST
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It is not a pleasant feeling when you can't express your opinions or share certain parts of your life with your partner, fearing their judgment, warns Ravi Mittal, CEO, Quack Quack, an online dating app.

How to let go of a relationship

Kindly note the image -- a scene from the film Ammu that streams on Prime Video -- has been posted only for representational purposes.

Ending a relationship you have worked to build can be a rough process.

No matter how emotionally draining and toxic it has become over time, no one wishes for it to be over.

But what do you do when calling it quits can be the only way to save yourself and your mental health?

Here are five tips to help you identify and detach from an emotionally exhausting relationship.

1. Constant doubt and insecurities

The number one way to identify an emotionally taxing relationship is the presence of constant doubts and insecurities.

Most couples experience some level of insecurity; it is natural. But when that becomes the essence of your relationship, things start moving downhill.

Your partner should be the person you trust the most, and feel free to share everything without the weight of judgment falling heavy on you. Remember this.

A toxic relationship robs you of the opportunity of being loved for exactly who you are.

You start tip-toeing around your partner to avoid conflict.

Secrets are building, one on top of another, till it all falls apart.

The next best step is to let go of this relationship that drains you.

Identify the reason for such a drastic step.

Having at least one solid reason and reminding yourself of the same every time you fall weak and find yourself hoping to patch things up is very important.

While identifying your issues, focus on how you feel in the relationship instead of how your partner makes you feel.

It tones down the accusatory note of the breakup. You are focusing on your well-being.

2. Your partner seems to hog every conversation.

This happens more often than people want to admit.

When your partner makes every little conversation about themselves, it leaves no room for the other half to share any significant event of their lives.

You can try telling your partner how you feel about their tendency to act like the Sun. But experience tells us it won't work.

Some people are wired differently than others.

Tell yourself that no one's at fault, certainly not you.

And let go. How?

You already know all about finding a solid reason.

Once you have found it, allow yourself to feel it all.

Releasing your emotions, whether you want to cry, or throw some pillows, is the best way to detach emotionally from a relationship that leaves you exhausted.

Once you feel it all, you don't fear feeling it again. It also reduces the chances of blaming your partner for your present state or the breakup.

Express your desire to break up and put it as a statement, not an option.

When it's done and dusted, engage yourself in productive activities that drain you positively. For instance, join a running group or cooking class, or dance it out.

3. You can't be yourself around your partner.

It is not a pleasant feeling when you can't express your opinions or share certain parts of your life with your partner, fearing their judgment.

You might be doing the same to dodge a conflict, but this is not what a healthy relationship looks like. Period.

Even if your discretion prevents an immediate fight, in the long run, you will feel disconnected from your partner and resent them for making you feel this way.

Though you can try telling your partner how you have been feeling, the best course of action is to put yourself away from such an emotionally taxing person.

The best solution to a toxic relationship is letting go.

It will be a tricky conversation. It might go either of two ways-

  • One: Your partner might swear to change, and there's a good chance they mean it. But saying and doing are two different things.
  • Two: They resort to name callings and try to blame it on you.

Either way, don't react impulsively.

Take deep breaths, pause for a beat and form your comeback responsibly. You don't want to leave with regrets.

4. Is your relationship affecting other areas of your life?

For instance, you have been avoiding your friends, or the constant fights are affecting your performance at work.

It clearly indicates this relationship is not meant for you.

Being in love should not limit you from things but rather open up new avenues in life.

In a healthy relationship, partners push each other toward a better life.

If your relationship is holding you back, maybe it's time to take a good look. Chances are, you would want to move on from it.

Start by conveying your feelings to them.

You can't quit a relationship at the drop of a hat.

Have an open and honest discussion with your partner about how they are impacting your life.

Air your opinion on it, and state the things you'd want to do differently in your relationship.

If they hear you, understand you, and make conscious changes, you are in luck. If not, even that is alright.

Start small. Delete their chats and photos. Unfollow them on social media.

These little steps will help you let go more gently.

5. You feel physically tired after spending time with them

It often stems from several factors -- pretense, trying too hard to be in love, walking on eggshells around your partner, every conversation turning into a conflict, there are too many differences in opinion, and more.

You can start by setting some boundaries; for instance, limit your time with them.

Focus on self-care. But it is far better to leave such a relationship than to put in meaningless efforts.

Your relationship influences your emotional and physical well-being.

Taking care of that should be your priority.

Be patient with your feelings.

It is no easy task to walk away from a relationship you built from scratch. While things are looking quite grim right now, it will get better.

One pro tip that will help you let go: Do not look back. Looking back at when you started can be painful and make you lose track of what's happening today.

While it is a beautiful thing to see the good in people, sometimes you have to focus on the negatives to offer yourself a better future.

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RAVI MITTAL