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Winners of the Funniest Resolutions Contest!
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January 07, 2008

Here they are, folks! The winners of our Funniest New Year's Resolution Contest!

Hundreds wrote in and we had a tough time picking the top three resolutions, but we decided to go for the wittiest, most original ones we could find. Besides the winning entries, there were several others that were too funny to forego -- they have been published for your reading pleasure below.

We were also sent in a lot of popular repeats ('I resolve to stop farting in public', 'I resolve to do less laundry this year and use more deodorant', 'I resolve to bathe less in order to conserve water' etc).

Now, without further ado, let us present to you the winners of the Funniest New Year's Resolution Contest!

In first place, we have Prasanth V Pai of Kochi, Kerala [Images]. Prasanth sent in not just one, but four funny New Year's Resolutions that had us in splits and he wins a Rs 2,500 gift voucher from Rediff Books! Here are his entries:

~ I will never shiver again while micturating!

~ I will leave my brain at home while going to watch a Rajnikanth [Images] movie!

~ I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

~ I will never again eat a jack fruit before going to a public function.

In second place, we have T Swaminathan of Chennai, who wins a Rs 1,000 gift voucher from Rediff Books for his three witty entries:

~ I resolve to hold my breath and pull in my paunch when I cross my young secretary.

~ I resolve to not see any movie in which the octogenerian hero dances with a teenage heroine.

~ I resolve not to think of my wife and blame my fate whenever I see a beautiful woman.

And in third place is Rajesh Ramaswamy, also from Chennai, who wins a Rs 500 gift voucher from Rediff Books. Here is his entry:

~ I will stop saying," Ooh, that feels nice" whenever the security guys frisk me at airports.

If you entered the contest and haven't won, read on -- we've published other funny entries below and yours may be one of them!

I  resolve not to see any serial in which any dead character is brought alive.

I resolve not to call any phone number of any TV contest as they are always kept off the hook

I resolve not to swim in any swimming pool without water.

-- Kavita Swaminathan, Chennai

My New Year resolution is not to bribe the LPG Cylinder supplier (in Pune) even if it takes 3 to 6 MONTHS to get a simple LPG gas connection.

Jai Maharashtra!

-- Nilamber J Joshi, Pune

I promise to suppress my urge to stand next to the bathroom door and scare my wife when she comes out, whenever she visits the loo at night, taking me to be fast asleep.

-- Sanjeev Govila, Secunderabad

I resolve to stop poisoning my family with my gourmet meals!

-- Sundutta Basu, Kolkata

I resolve that I will wear an helmet all the time to protect myself from further head injuries due to targeted attacks by my beloved wife!

-- Dr Anandaram Jothibabu, Shepparton, Australia

My New Year resolution for 2008 is: 1024 by 968 pixels! What's yours!

-- Monil Hathi, Bangalore

I will watch each and every episode of all Indian reality shows on TV so that by the end of the year my company will relieve me on the grounds of 'unsound mind' and provide some disability benefit for the future.

-- Rajini C, Mumbai

I promise to keep a straight face when my wife serves me the one-in-every-week 'new recipe from the Internet' experiment.

-- Jose PJ, Bangalore

I will not wet the bed and blame it on my younger brother... :)

-- Priya Venkataswamy 

To make sure that me and my friends gather around, clap our hands and whistle loudly every time a man zips up and turns after urinating in public at the side of a road ;-).

-- Agnel Godwin Pereira

Here's my list of resolution which I have been making each year:

2004: I will get my weight down below 65 kg.
2005: I will watch my calories until my weight is below 75.
2006: I will follow my new diet until I get below 85.
2007: I will work out once a week.
2008: I will drive past a gym at least once a week.
2004: I will read at least 20 good books a year.
2005: I will read at least 10 books a year.
2006: I will read 5 books a year.
2007: I will read some articles in the newspaper this year.
2008: I will subscribe to a good humor e-mail list this year.
2004: I will pay off my bank loan promptly.
2005: I will pay off my bank loans promptly.
2006: I will be totally out of debt by next year.
2007: I will try to pay off the debt interest by next year.
2008: I will try to be out of the country by next year.
2004: I will sponsor a disadvantaged African child this year.
2005: I will sponsor a disadvantaged domestic child this year.
2006: I will sponsor one kid for lunch at the local dhaba this year.
2007: I will sponsor one of my kids for lunch at the local dhaba this year.
2008: I will endeavor to remember my children's names this year.
2004: I will cut my smoking down to no more than one pack a day.
2005: I will cut my smoking down to two packs a day -- OK, three.
2006: I will try to stop smoking pot this year.
2007: I will try to stop smoking crack this year.
2008: Now that I've quit smoking, I'll try to stop shooting heroin and meth this year.

Let me know if these qualify.

-- Devinder Singh

Resolution! What resolution? This world does not need any more resolutions, it needs a revolution!

-- Ritesh Tiwari, Pune

I resolve to stop pretending that my tiny poodle is a massive ferocious mastiff.

(Every dog is special, hee hee.)

-- Hirak Roy, Noida

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