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Why it's GOOD to talk about sex

Last updated on: March 12, 2012 19:25 IST

Photographs: AnonMoos/Wikimedia Commons Courtesy

Keep your lines of communication open in the bedroom for a better sex life.

If you're having intimate physical relations with somebody, it's good to talk about it now and then. How else can you make sure the other person knows what you want, how you feel and what you mean?

Good lovers talk about sex. Being a good lover means talking about what you want. Sometimes this also means saying no when you're not in the mood, tired or don't feel comfortable about having sex with your partner. Being able to say no can make it more meaningful when you say yes, because then it really is your choice.

When you're getting to know someone this can be difficult, so we've made a list of tips for girls and boys. Boys like knowing what their partner wants, and they appreciate it if she can talk about it. Then they know if they're getting it right.

And did you know that many girls have questions about boys' bodies?

Here's how you can open the lines of communication about sex. Read on!

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Tags: GOOD

Talking about what you want

Photographs: Elizabeth Ann Colette on Flickr/Wikimedia Commons

Do you think you know what your parnter likes? Be careful, there's a good chance you've got it wrong. So talk about what you want and ask what s/he wants.

You can do it before or after you have sex, but also during your lovemaking. You might find it hard to talk, but it prevents a lot of trouble and makes the sex a lot better.


Make a game of it

Photographs: Pedro Ribeiro Simoes on Flickr/Wikimedia Commons

It can be a real turn on to tell each other what you like.

You can play a game where you write down on pieces of paper what you'd like to do with your partner or what your fantasies are. You then take it in turns to pull out a piece of paper and then carry out the instructions.


Does it feel good?

Photographs: Aurorablu/Wikimedia Commons

Kissing, caressing, having sex...whatever you do, your first check is: does if feel good? Do you like it? Does it turn you on? Do you feel happy about it? Then carry on. As long as it feels good and you're happy about it, it's okay.

And what if you don't like what's happening or the way your partner's touching you? There's only one solution -- say so, however awkward you might find it. If you don't say anything, nothing will change, so just try to.


What does your partner want?

Photographs: Moni Sertel, Deutschland/Wikimedia Commons

Do you know what your partner likes? Sometimes you can tell -- you can feel it or see it, but there are times when you can't. If you're not sure, ask. Find out together how you can enjoy sex with each other.


Things that improve sex

Photographs: Phrontis/Wikimedia Commons
  • If you're in love with someone, there's a good chance you'll like him/her touching you. But just because you're in love with someone doesn't necessarily mean you want to have sex with them.
  • Pick the right place to make love. If you know you could be disturbed, you probably won't enjoy your partner's lovemaking as much.
  • Make sure you have safe sex, so you don't need to worry about catching a sexually transmitted disease or getting pregnant.
  • Try different things out, so you discover what you both like.
  • Do you feel like making love? If you're not feeling well, perhaps with a headache or a cold, for example, you probably won't feel like making love in the way you do when you feel healthy.

No means no

Photographs: Piast/Wikimedia Commons

Some boys think that girls actually mean yes when they saying no. They're wrong. No simply means no. And every girl or boy has the right to say no at any time, whether you've still got your clothes on or you're completely naked.

If you do something that a girl doesn't want, it's never because 'she was asking for it'. A good lover only does what makes both partners happy and what both enjoy. A sex partner who doesn't respect your wishes if you say 'no' isn't worthy of you.