'Her mom keeps complaining that I'm not rich'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on June 23 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hello, everyone...welcome back to the Love Guru chat on rediff! Let's get cracking...
Arjunan asked, tell me that, what are things to do impress the girl????
Love Guru answers, See, that's the problem...the moment a guy thinks of impressing a girl by putting on an act, he turns her off! Be yourself, Arjunan! And of course, be courteous and a gentleman with good manners and thoughtful gestures. But don't put on any airs -- stay true to yourself!
azhar asked, I am a very shy person. i feel very hesitate to talk to girls. Plz give me some tips so that I can improve mu communication with Girls.
Love Guru answers, Yes, because according to you, girls are another species altogether, aren't they? You need to treat girls like you would one of your guy friends -- the same easy tone, the same comfortable vibe. Picture a guy there instead of a woman, but don't forget your manners, that's all.
hatred asked, hi..i have serious issues when some one ignores me..how to deal with it?
Love Guru answers, Insecurity -- that's your problem. You need to give people breathing space, so it doesn't come to a point where they deliberately ignore you. And understand that sometimes people get busy and unconsciously tend to shut out a person. Be a little understanding instead of getting so touchy about it!
mukesh asked, LG, i want to propose to a girl whom i am v close friend but i scare that if she rejects then our relation wont b the same as she will knw wats in my mind. wat to do and go abt it?
Love Guru answers, Most of the time, a girl is perceptive enough to already know what's on the mind of a guy who's interested in her -- even if they're just friends. Telling her is a risk you'll have to take if you want to take your relationship further. And let me tell you that if she says no, there will be awkwardness, but any female friend who genuinely cares for you won't shut you out or let it affect your friendship in the long term. Here's how you should tell her -- explain that of late you've developed feelings for her and want to know whether that's a step in the right direction where she's concerned, or should you move on to dating other women and leave your friendship intact. You'll have your answer!
Mubarak asked, Hi, I think my girlfriend is too demanding, how to tackle it?
Love Guru answers, By not giving in to all her demands and explaining to her that she's being unreasonable when you think she is.
Raj asked, LG i like a lady she is 5 years elder the me, how can i propose her
Love Guru answers, The same way you'd propose to a girl who was your age or younger than you! So she's five years older, big deal!
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
Image: 'Her mom keeps complaining that I'm not rich'
'She keeps yakking about her ex!'
hjbhljbhl asked, i love a girl. but she still talks to her ex bf. we are in a relationship but i think she is just using me. what should i do
Love Guru answers, Talking about your ex is common -- obsessing over your ex is not. You need to figure out which of the two it is -- if she talks of him casually now and then, nothing to worry about. If she brings him up in every conversation, you can let her know you don't appreciate it and don't want constant comparisons to him because you're a different person and this is a different relationship. And she should realise that and accept it or then if she's not over him, take a break from committing to you and figure out who and what she really wants.
Shailesh asked, Hai love guru how r u?...im having a gf for past six years and we are in live in relationship...for past 3 months her attitude and the way of behaviour started changing due a guy who says as her frend...c is in search of a job now...daily morning c will go out telling me as job hunt but I came to know from my frends circle that c is going to that guy home in the morning and stays there till evening. When I asked about this c lied that c is going for job hunt .and c is not at all interested in bed with me after this .i love her very much .i don't know how to handle this situation please help..
Love Guru answers, Unpleasant as it may sound, confrontation is your only option in this situation. Nobody has interviews lined up from morning to evening every single day! And your sex life has also come to a standstill. It's not difficult to figure out what she's upto but you maybe need to confirm 100 percent that she's having an affair first. If you have, confront her -- tell her you know what she's upto. And while you love her, remember that she's been lying, manipulating you and cheating on you all this time. Don't be taken advantage of in the name of love. Don't think of it as a 'me vs that guy' situation. If she's cheating, let him have her! You can do better!
red asked, wat crap lg giving all obvious answers which any child can giv read the q slowly, study the problem, knw the situation the other person is in, understand it, try to b in their shoes , analyse it. then think of the solution , after deep thinkin and understanding it answer the q. just dont giv answers which can b found in google.
Love Guru answers, So why don't you look up Google instead of coming in here every week? Go on, get out and stop wasting my time!
kaama asked, I had been a friend of a girl since 3 years. We were nothing more than friends until last month, when we went on a summer trip. She got intimate and some odd things happened. After we got back, she proposed to me. But, I dont want to move into a relationship, neither do I want to lose her. Guide me...
Love Guru answers, Basically you got physical with her and now you've thought better of it. You made a mistake and whether you like it or not, you'll have to come clean about it to her. Apologise, tell her you got carried away in the moment and regret what happened because you don't want to hurt her. Explain that you're not ready for a relationship right now and can't see yourself taking advantage of her feelings for you because you don't want to lose her as a dear friend. She'll be hurt, but it's up to you to ensure that you let her down as gently as possible. Tell her you don't want to get into a relationship unless you're 100 percent and at this point you aren't.
Sillu asked, Hi Love Guru. I am Sillu from Koparkhairene, Navi Mumbai. I like a girl who is working with me in the same company in powai. I am sure she too loves me a lot. She likes my way of talking, she likes my style. I am an oriya guy. But i think i am not the only person in her life. Please help me love guru. How can i come to know if she is faithful to me.
Love Guru answers, Why should she be 'faithful' to you if you're not in a relationship? Even if she likes you, it doesn't mean she's committed to you, does it? Instead of snooping around to find out whether another guy is giving her attention, make your move to make her yours -- before he does!
nisahnt asked, HI LG m in realtion ship from 6yrs now we will be getting married, ours is a love marriage but it was very painful for me & my gf to convince our parents but still after struggling for 2 yrs we altlsst convinced them nw the issue is wenevr her mon tells her tat they dnt lik my family & we r not rich wat they expected my gf tells me all tis,i agree with her & dnt tell her much but she keeps on repeating this things which hurts me bcz i luv my family a lot i expect her to respect them its not tat she wont respect them but wenevr her mom tells smthing she keeps telling me after some extent i get angry & we have a fight on this pls tell me wat to do.
Love Guru answers, She keeps telling you because she probably feels like she's hiding something from you if she doesn't. Tell her you know her mother's opinion of your family and don't want to hear her continuous criticism of them. And she should tell her mother once and for all that she's made her choice and doesn't appreciate her going on complaining -- the next time she starts on the topic, your girlfriend should cut her off by refusing to listen or discuss it. Also tell your girlfriend to kindly not repeat what her mother says even if she has heard something, as then your opinion of her mother will go down even farther and create more unpleasantness. She should learn to tackle her mother without bringing you into the picture at all -- it's between the two of them.
Image: 'She keeps yakking about her ex!'
'How do I convince him to marry me?'
Thiru asked, i recently proposed a girl whom i liked since 11 years. She says that she would be engaged to someone with whom she is committed more out of compassion than love. what should my approach be? She did not say no to me but only said that i was late
Love Guru answers, It's not too late till she's married! Explain that she should do what she wants to, not what she feels obligated to do, because this is a lifelong commitment. You can do your best to convince her, but ultimately it's her decision -- hopefully she'll be gutsy enough to make the right one no matter what the consequences. That's what you get for waiting over a decade!
abrrm asked, As I m 28 yrs now interested in young boys but I m abt to marry how can I manage the same relationship Pls let me know.
Love Guru answers, You can't -- you'll make a mess of your wife's life and that's utterly unfair to any woman. You shouldn't marry under any circumstances -- not until you've figured out your sexual orientation and whether you're attracted to women or not. I'd recommend therapy to find out what exactly it is if you're confused. And if you're gay, that's that -- don't compromise on it by marrying because it's not a sacrifice you'll be making, marriage to you will ruin someone else's life.
saltednjilted asked, Dear LG, you have been quite helpful in the past.. am sure you will help this time too... i am a bi and in a relationship with a guy from office.. a few months ago i met the rest of his family in social function. his younger sister and me happened to like each other and met a few times.. eventually we want to get married and settle down.. her brother (my partner) does know that his sis an me like each other but was not aware that we are serious about marriage. when the talk in his home turned towards this possibility he was quite upset about it.. but now he is OK if i get married to his sister but continue my sexual relationship with him too.. i am worried about any fallout later in our life because of this...
Love Guru answers, You should be worried! Does his sister know about the relationship the two of you shared or are you planning on living with this cloud over your head for the rest of your life, knowing that your marriage could fall apart at any time when she discovers the truth? And let me tell you, she will find out sooner or later -- most likely from her brother. So here's what you need to do -- come clean to your fiance about your sexual orientation and your relationship with her brother and see if she's still willing to marry you if you promise not to stray after marriage. If she knows the truth and has accepted it, you then need to end the relationship with the brother at all costs -- marriage is binding for everyone, whether you're bisexual or not. Commitment is commitment!
syed asked, hi .. need to know i like a girl who i think feel the same too.. as her gestures and constant staring make me feel that she loves me. but her friends after few days knows that i like her and broke the story that she is married ..? do i trust here?
Love Guru answers, Find out for sure whether she's married. If she is -- back off. Don't get involved with her as it will make a mess of both your lives. It's much easier to get over someone you fancy from afar than end a fullblown relationship.
KAREENA asked, I LOVE A BOY HE ALSO LOVES ME BUT HIS PARENTS DOESNT LIKE ME COZ OF CASTE SO NOW HE DONT WANT TO CONTINUE RELATIONSHIP BUT LOVE IS LOVE IT CANNOT BE CHANGED NOW WHT I SHOULD DO TO GET OUT OF IT OR HW TO CONVINCE HI M
Love Guru answers, You're right -- love is love. But only in your case, not in the case of your spineless boyfriend. If he truly loved you he'd have the guts to stand up to his parents for you, but he doesn't. That alone should tell you he isn't the right one for you.
manuss asked, Hello LG, It was scheduled having a arranged marriage, the girl and i very much know eachother from last 10 years, i recently came to know that my proposal was accepted due to girls strong feeling about me, but parents opposed my proposal as i am physically handicapped. all was set, due to girls intrest in me, but suddenly the girl is avoiding me from last 1 month. I dont understand what to do please guide.
Love Guru answers, That's tough. Contact her and find out what went wrong. If it's her parents, you may need to put yourself out there and go meet them yourself to assure them that despite your handicap you will be able to look after their daughter and keep her happy. You shouldn't have to do that and you don't have to if you don't want to, but if you love this girl, take the chance. Maybe both of you together can convince them -- they're probably just scared for her future because of your disability. If you can convince them that it won't be compromised and that you love each other and want to make it work with their blessings, they may relent and change their minds. Good luck!
Image: 'How do I convince him to marry me...'
'Is it wrong to ask her to return my money now we've broken up?'
ppathak asked, Hi lg, I am in a difficult situation, am a married guy since last 4 yrs and recently i came to know about my wife's fling with my frnd, who also happens to be married. I have caught them in compromising position in my home. when confronted, she says she will stop and it is just a passing phase...should i also involve my frnd's wife and sort it out. it is difficult for me manage all this and i dont feel like making out with her now...
Love Guru answers, Don't involve your friend's wife -- let him handle his marriage, you focus on yours. I can fully understand your rejection of your own wife and I recommend couples' therapy. It's difficult to rebuild trust when it's broken, but it's not impossible. If you want to make your marriage work, assess the damage and set about rebuilding it.
amit asked, Hi LG..My GF and I got into major issues..she started ignoring me for some new "friends" which offended me and I spoke harshly.She's told me she has no love left for me cos of she got hurt with my words.I had given her lakhs of rupees for various things - Loan/gift.When I asked her back, she's making me feel guilty saying I am a bad guy..Though I don't have any ill feelings towards her, I feel pathetic - losing my love and money as well and earning her wrath.What do I do now?
Love Guru answers, Apologise for your harsh words and explain that while you didn't mean them, you certainly want the money you loaned her back. Don't mention gifts, because that's not cool -- gifts are given for keeps, it's quite cheap to ask for their return after a relationship has ended. But money loaned to someone is expected back and you expect yours back too -- why shouldn't you, that's why it's called a loan! She was supposed to pay you back for it even if you were still in a relationship, wasn't she? So all the more reason you should have it back now that you're no longer together!
redd asked, i am saving other ppl nt to take wrong therotical advices frm u. i am doin one of the many social cause. u wont understand it so forget it, nt to ur level of understanding.
Love Guru answers, My dear, my 'level of understanding' far exceeds yours. And I also understand that you're a loser with nothing better to do than pass idle comments in this chatroom. What amazes me is that you come back week after week to say the same thing! Why don't you just stay out if you don't like this forum?
sonu asked, Hi LG, I am in relationship with one girl from past 10 months,she is southindian girl. one day i proposed her for marrige and few days after she said she cant marry me because her parents already found somebody for her.even after break-off she keeps calling me and keep saying me you are the best person I ever met. But still say I cant marry you. I have lots of feeling for her and I dont want to loose her. I tried to meet her parents but she dosent want me to meet them. Please tell me what should I do?
Love Guru answers, There's no point in her going on calling you and saying there's no hope. Either she makes up her mind to stand up to her parents, letting you meet them and try to convince them, or then she cuts off all contact. This is not fair to you, going on calling and not letting you move on. Tell her to pull herself together and either go for it or then back out and not keep getting in touch with you.
mann asked, I am married since 5 years and I enjoy my life with my family. I have a g/f also before marriage but we can't convert our love in marriage due to I have no job on that time and her parents arrange her early marriage b4 10 years. I am in touch of her through communication in these years as a friend. Now before a month she calls me to meet in alone and then we will meet. Then she appeal with me for sex relation but I denie her for do that. Now she call me anytime and ask me for talk me I never denie her coz I never hurt her. But Now its too much she make maximum call when I am at home. I notice that my wife watch me when she call me and I think she got a little bit angry. What can I do in that situation .
Love Guru answers, This woman is after you. If a man was after your wife, would you like it if she entertained his calls? Obviously not! Tell her you don't mind being friends but you can't chat with her everyday, nor when you're at home spending quality time with your wife and family. Either she cools down and keeps it casual or then you cut her off, because you don't want to compromise your happy family life for her.
Love Guru says, That's all for today, people! Till next week, all the best!
Image: 'Is it wrong to ask her to return my money now we've broken up...'