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'Should my parents approach her or should I?'

Last updated on: April 1, 2011 19:44 IST

'Should my parents approach her or should I?'

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Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on March 31 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.


Love Guru says, Hi, people...welcome back to my chat! Let's get cracking...


Sunny asked, hi, i love this girl, we are best friends, she likes me only as friend, my parents are looking for girls for my marriage but i cant forget my love... plz help

Love Guru answers, She's not interested in becoming romantic with you, so how long are you going to fret about it? The more hung up you remain about her, the more miserable you will make yourself. So don't -- at least start meeting the prospective brides your parents are looking at for you. Who knows, you may be surprised at how attractive some of them may be!


df asked, hi love guru what is exact time to fall in love after 12th pass is it ok?

Love Guru answers, You can't set a schedule for love! It can happen when you're 18 or when you're 40. If you feel for someone, sure, why not -- only, since you're young, don't get too serious too soon and start making plans for the future. Take it slow, see where it goes and enjoy the moment. If it doesn't work out, don't take it too much to heart -- you'll get a lot more chances to date interesting people.


sunny4676 asked, i am in love with a girl who is a co-worker of mine. we both r married and i feel that she too is attracted towards me. how to know if she is really interested in me.

Love Guru answers, First of all, there's no way of knowing whether she's really interested in you unless you get the answer straight from her. And let me tell you, in order to ask her, you better be sure your friendship with her is sound enough, else she could take it the wrong way and you could be accused of sexual harassment in the workplace! On top of that, you both are married. All in all, this is a risky proposition, my friend -- look at everything you stand to lose over your infatuation with this girl. Ultimately, the choice is yours to make.


Sunny asked, i have tried to meet prospective brides, but i keep on comparing them with my love and end up rejecting them since i dont get the comfort level

Love Guru answers, Of course you won't feel the same comfort level with a girl you just met as compared to someone you've known for years, Sunny! You need to look beyond just the first meeting, you need to get to know them better, only then will the scope for a meaningful relationship be clearer to you.


fg asked, I am interested in a gal but recently came to know she is having 8-10 boyfrnds in her hometown.What shall I do? I really love her

Love Guru answers, What do you mean she has eight to ten boyfriends -- are you referring to simply male friends of hers, ex-boyfriends or all current love interests! Please elaborate.


ram asked, hi love guru i am a very limit(innocent)person my family is invited by two girls for me....... one speak less and other speaks unlimited.. both are beautifull and same educated....... i am confused who is best for me........... plz plz tell me.......

Love Guru answers, Who do you see as a better life partner for you? Who are you more attracted to? If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say you were feeling more for the talkative girl, but you're a little intimidated by her and wondering how things will work out in the long run. Is that the case?


Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh


Image: 'Should I be the one to let her know...'

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'She has eight to 10 other love interests!'

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pksethi asked, In the stage after around 50, why the ladies do not come forward for love making? What a good husband should do to attract his wife aged more than 50?

Love Guru answers, If he behaves as romantic as a 25-year-old, she may respond the same way! Give it a shot.


fg asked, am interested in a gal but recently came to know she is having 8-10 boyfrnds in her hometown.What shall I do? I really love her. All of them are CURRENT LOVE INTERESTS !!

Love Guru answers, I'll tell you what to do -- RUN! Hahaha, seriously though, this girl seems to thrive on attention from the opposite sex, so why do you want to add to her hometown harem of men? You should go for someone who returns your feelings exclusively, not someone who is flattered by every man who comes her way!


ASCd asked, hi, I m in love with one girl last 2 years, but both parents (mine nd my lover parents) are not supporting this relation.what will do.we r in differnt relegion

Love Guru answers, How old are you and what's the age of your gal? If you both are in your mid-20s or older, I'd say it's a tough call, but stand up for your relationship and marry anyway. Provided you both can adjust to and embrace each other's customs and religious beliefs. That is what causes the most friction in intercaste marriages. You should be willing to accomodate and adopt and exchange beliefs so yours is a home where both value systems are incorporated, not where just one dominates.


karan asked, Hi LG 3 yrs ago,she did'nt luv me bt I always insisted. In a grt depression I agreed 2 marry sum1 else of mom's choice 1 yr later. Bt at sum family outing she (gf)met me & since then strted liking me. She always hav a boyfrnd who takes her 4 granted now she tells me she luvs me bi I dont trust her anymore ( though I still luv her somewhere) as she had n outing wid her so called boyfrnd (after gesturing me. My wife is arrogant n dont luv me much. Now Luv guru plz tell me whom shud I go 4? Plz help me out

Love Guru answers, Karan, I don't think you've given your wife any real attention and love as a husband should. You yourself say that you married in a depression and you obviously treat your wife with indifference, so why should she reciprocate? I hardly blame her for her attitude towards you -- it's you who are to blame for it. This other girl rejected you for the longest time -- you'd be a fool to go back to her. I'd say you have a lot of making-up to do to the girl you married.


vin asked, i m in love with one girl who is engaged.. and i feel she also loves me..but she dont want to create any problem so trying to control her feelings... what should i do

Love Guru answers, She'll create more of a problem for herself and her family by having an affair with you after marriage, rather than just calling off her engagement. Better to make up her mind as to what to do now and take action -- it won't be half as bad if she goes through with it now. Tell her to be brave and take a call or then forget about you entirely, because your lives will be in a mess if she doesn't.


Sameer asked, I am inlove with my wife's younger sister.She loves me too.My wife and her husband also know that about our intimacy.I want to know without any legal complicacy, can both us exchange our partners.

Love Guru answers, You're legally married, so even if you want to marry your wife's sister, you both have to divorce your respective spouses first. You can't just swap -- this isn't a game of cards!



Image: 'She has eight to 10 other love interests!'

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'I'm not ready to have sex yet'

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ruchi asked, i am 18 year old and had a BF , who wants to get phyocal with me ...but i didn't like all this...what should i do

Love Guru answers, If you're not ready for it, say no. And don't be pressured into it. Any boy who tries to force you into it cares more for his libido than your feelings and that isn't an ideal situation at all.


Krishna asked, Hi love guru I m in luv since last 9 yrs. i didn't told yet but i told to my family about this. they are ready to talk her parents. but i didn't know she likes me or not without knowledge of her i took this step is it ok or should i tell her first?

Love Guru answers, Aren't you shy! You've waited nine years and you still want your family to let her know first! Get your guts together and talk to her yourself! Then if she is willing you can have your parents talk to hers.


LOVE asked, Hi how u doin Love guru. I loved this girl for abt 2 years n i believe even she did love me. She met my family n we had decided to marry. But then I had to come back to India as I had completed my assignment and 1 fine day she calls it a quit stating the religions we come from are different hence the issue with her family. I gave her time n now I discover that she is in with another guy. well I am happy if she finds a decent man n gets settled but the guy whom she is goin around is married n is playing with her. I dont expect her to come back to me but I cant see her in trouble n in the mean time I am finding slightly difficult to believe this however now I plan to get an arranged marriage done, Please advice

Love Guru answers, As much as it annoys you to see that she is ruining her life, there's nothing you can do about it. It's her life and it's up to her what she wants to do -- even if it's dating a married man. Forget about her -- focus on your own life. And don't just blindly go in for an arranged marriage -- it's a lifelong commitment. Better you take more interest in that than in what's happening with your ex.


Mohanraj asked, My wife and I quarrel all the time and she often leaves me for her mother's home which is just a few streets away. We have a 1 year old kid. How to handle the situation? I have tried to handled the situation by politely and sweetly talking to her but she is always shouting and yelling...

Love Guru answers, Explain to her that just because you argue doesn't mean she keeps going back to her mother's house. After all, your home is hers too and disagreements are one thing, but she's making a convenience out of her proximity to her parents' home. If her mother lived across the country, would she be doing the same thing? I think not! And if she can't control her temper, anger management therapy is recommended.


ROHITKKUMAR asked, Hello Lg ! Sorry this about my best friend. She is a lawyer by profession. About our any conversation between us...she thinks a lot and concludes something else out of it. It is really getting difficult for me to have talks with her, beacuse i am afraid and worried about anything I say, she may interprete it in wrong way. Suggest me what to do?

Love Guru answers, Tell her that you're tired of her over-thinking everything and drawing her own conclusions about all you say. Explain that it's annoying when someone constantly analyses statements and refuses to take them the way they're meant -- at face value. If she continues with the same behaviour, you may consider cutting off contact with her for awhile. That way she'll probably get the message as to just how irritating she is becoming.


gopal asked, Hi love guru, Before marriage I have accidentally done oral sex with my neighbour after that she married to other guy,but I love her younger sister & our family is also given permission to marry her younger sister. my problem is that whenever we come together at any family occasion I am feeling odd. After a gap of year i.e 10 yrs now the some feeling is coming about her & she also interested in me forcing to make relation with her after a long time. Now I am confussed to continue the relation with her?but I love my family very much Plz love guru help me. I am waiting for your reply Gopal

Love Guru answers, Absolutely not! Tell her what happened was a long time ago, she's married now and you love her sister. Do not, I repeat, do not get carried away or you stand to lose everything -- a loving, healthy relationship and respect.



Image: 'I'm not ready to have sex yet'

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'Can I take two wives?'

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Razigan asked, I'm a smart man (30 yrs), married with 2 kids. Loving family. However, one hot colleague at office seem to behave beyond the limits, eventhough she knows I'm married. I also feel to go physical with her? Value conflict... tell me how to enjoy with her, without putting my family at risk?

Love Guru answers, The truth is, you can't enjoy yourself with her without putting not only your family, but also your career at risk. Sure, it may be all fine and fun now. A few months or even a couple of years down the line, though, if you want to pull out of it, you may not be able to. What if she threatens to tell your wife or worse, colleagues at your office? You're the one who's married, you stand to lose everything. So weigh your options and consider whether this lust is worth hurting your family over.


karan asked, Love guru !!!! I myself too hav thouht this thing but after trying all best possible efforts to make up to my wife, I eventually found that her problem is not me bt rather my Mom who hardly says anything to her. I recon what she wants is a life wid husband widout Mother-in-law which is nt possible 4 me. I hav tried 2 giv all the love in this world 2 my wife after breakin up wid gf. wat else can I do to make it right ?? & a million dollar question --- wat about my gf ???

Love Guru answers, Karan, I want you to give me a very, very objective view of the situation between your wife and mother. Don't talk as a son or husband, tell me as a third person who has no attachment to either woman, who is the more dominant figure at home and who gets her way most of the time? Leave your 'girlfriend' out of this, someone who rejected you for three years outright doesn't merit any attention anymore. And whatever she may tell you, she's still with her boyfriend! If she is so unhappy with him, why doesn't she end the relationship instead of whiling away her time waiting for a better option to come along before she does? That's a very selfish and low way of thinking!


Reedhan asked, Hello I am in love with my office colleague. She is a divorce. I had proposed her but she doesnt say No or Yes. She keeps me in dilemaa. what do u suggest???

Love Guru answers, Maybe she's hesitant because she's just gotten out of a disastrous marriage. Explain to her that you're not looking at making her commit right away, but that if she is interested, you can start with a relationship and take things slow so she's comfortable. She has to give you an answer, because it's not fair to keep you hanging endlessly.


jani asked, Dear Sir How r u?...iam having a unique problem as iam working in Brazil for past 3 years I married a brazilian gal who is 10 years younger to me iam 27 years now when I was in a holiday trip to my native place in Mumbai I had intercourse with my landlord daughter .the problem is now my Indian gal also wants to marry me. when I explained this situation to both of the ladies, my wife doesn't have any problem to accommodate her in my home in brazil but Mumbai gal is adamant enough to cooperate what should I do now..? I cannot sacrifice both of them..Please advice..

Love Guru answers, Even if you did have sex with your landlord's daughter, it's not like that was a promise to marry her! You have an absurd problem, really -- and your solution is even more absurd. Having both women live under the same roof as your wives! Recipe for disaster!


Krish asked, Hi LG, I've been married for 3 months now. Ours was a love marriage arranged by parents. She is not interested in sex and I feel very bad about it. We've not done any sex as she is afraid of it and finds it difficult to enjoy it. What should I do?

Love Guru answers, She may need professional help to get over her fright. Take her to a therapist who will help her cope with the anxiety.


Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today...catch you next week! Till then, take care!



Image: 'Can I take two wives...'

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