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'Lately, sex just feels like a biological need'

Last updated on: November 19, 2010 14:38 IST

'Lately, sex just feels like a biological need'

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Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on November 18 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Love Guru says, Hi there, people...welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started and remember, any abusive language is going to get you barred!


try asked, i am 39 male my cousin is 24 female we are in love for past 4 years but the cousins family is not interested in me age difference and status issue please advice

Love Guru answers, Well, the age difference is a bit much, so they have a right to be concerned about that -- she's a young girl and you're almost into your forties. If you both are absolutely convinced that this is the right decision, it's up to the two of you to either stand your ground and get married against the wishes of her family or then end the relationship. How long will you keep in limbo? And you haven't told me how closely related she is to you -- is she your first cousin?


neha asked, how to know if the guy is emotional if he pretends to be pratical in life.And i think being too pratical spoils the relation.

Love Guru answers, Pretends to be practical? Maybe he doesn't like wearing his emotions on his sleeve, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have any. Is this a friend who's not admitting his feelings for you or a boyfriend who's not romantic enough? Please be more clear with your question.


sheetal asked, Hi LG... I have a diffuculty... my best friend who is married for last 4 years is having a faaair with a boy 6 years younger to her. She is cheating on her nusband and now that the boy is in some another city they talk on telephone. oflate that boy who is unmarried is looking out for a suitable match for himself and due to this my friend is very upset. Initially that boy also loved her a lot but now he has started neglecting her. How do i get my friend out of all this mess. Her marriage is at stake...

Love Guru answers, Her marriage was at stake when she started this affair -- the best thing she can do for it now is end things with her lover and focus on her husband. What did she expect that guy to do -- live the rest of his life in secret with her? Why did she remain married for so long if she wanted to be with him? I'm not surprised that the situation and the fact that he's in another city has waned his interest. She should cut off ties with him and try to save her marriage.


Yedaguru asked, YEDA GURU... TU PHIR SE AA GAYA... ABE KUTTE KI DUM KABHI SIDHI NAHI HOTI. KYA FALTU ADVICE DEKE PAKATA HAI LOGONKO... I CAN TELL THAT YOUR LIFE IS VERY SAD AND LONELY. GO READ A BOOK, WATCH A MOVIE OR DO SOMETHING CONCRETE... ABE DESI G*** AUR AMERIKI JEANS KYON PAHENTA HAI TU...TU NEXT WEEK AAYA TO TERI HAJAMAT KAR KE C******* MAIN... SALE BHAG IDAR SE... DESI G*** AUR AMERIKI JEANS... PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE IN WHAT THIS BOZO SAYS.. HE IS A USELESS CHARACTER WHO HAS A JOB AT A CHAI TAPRI AND THIS IS HIS SECOND JOB. HE WORKS FOR REDIFF FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

Love Guru answers, Why do you come in here to waste your time on such long messages that will only get you barred from the chatroom? I'd suggest YOU go read a book, or maybe go buy yourself a pair of 'Ameriki' jeans instead of entering this forum to pass the time! I'd tell you to get to work, but you're obviously unemployed!


Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh


Image: 'Lately, sex just feels like a biological need'

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'He's less educated and earns very little -- should I marry him?'

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happy asked, Dear LG, i am in a relationship and both of us are not really ready for either marriage or kids... but of late i feel that love have given way to sex as just a biological need... even this is now being relegated to lesser priority in the wake of our careers and possibly bisexual hook ups at work place from both sides... how do we handle this?

Love Guru answers, Bisexual hook-ups on both sides? Look, on one side the relationship is not going anywhere and that's why you're both probably stuck in a rut. And on the other, neither of you wants it to go anywhere! So the next time you meet, instead of falling into bed together, discuss where your relationship is headed. And also please be frank about your sexual orientation! If things have run their course, end the relationship. Maybe you could just take a break from each other for a month or so to evaluate your feelings and whether you want to stay together or not.


loser asked, A person who seemed interested in me has stopped communicating to me. She says she does not know what I am talking about. What does that mean?

Love Guru answers, Doesn't know what you're talking about in what context? Did you ask her if she had feelings for her and this was her reply, or is this her general evaluation of all the things you say? If it's the former, you were likely mistaken -- maybe she was not interested in you. If it's the latter, try talking to her and ask her why the sudden change in behaviour.


sarita asked, I am in love with a boy of my age.I am well educated and from high middle class family,but the boy is just done his B.Com, and doing services for Rs.7000/. In such income it is impossible to manage any home of that standard.Now,knowing all these problem,Can I marry that boy?

Love Guru answers, You've assessed the situation yourself already. You should be asking yourself whether you can adjust to a life without the comforts you're accustomed to. Sure, he's not going to be earning the same salary all his life, but as tings stand, you will also have to pursue your own career in order to run a household together. If you both are ready to grit your teeth and tackle things with hard work and sweat, good luck to you. But also ensure you're fully ready for a bumpy ride ahead -- if you're hesitant about the situation as it is, I would not recommend pursuing the matter.


helpme asked, i am gay in love with a guy. My parents want me to get married and I cant leave him?

Love Guru answers, Ever considered coming out of the closet? I know it's difficult and you should only do it when you're good and ready, but I think your parents should know the truth, don't you? How long will you live a secret double life? And whatever you do, don't marry -- you will ruin the life of someone else and it will only complicate your problem tenfold.


aeiou asked, hi LG, i m going to get married soon. my fiance is overly protected by his parents due to him being the only son and he takes all his decisions based on their decisions. what should i do so that he will listen to some of my decisions/suggestions as well sometimes?? how will i be accepted as a part of that family? please help!

Love Guru answers, Why don't you tactfully bring to his notice that sometimes he should make decisions using his own judgement instead of constantly relying on his parents? Don't bring your own opinions into it -- just explain that sometimes when he feels otherwise he should give things a try his way too. And you should make the effort to remain neutral -- don't deliberately say black just because his parents say white. That will lead to unnecessary friction.



Image: 'He's less educated and earns very little -- I'm wondering whether to marry him'

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'We've met again years after school and I still have feelings for her'

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Ronak asked, i m love with a girl thare is a problem that girls parents is not ready for love marriage so what i have to do pls suggest to me.

Love Guru answers, Have your parents approach hers with a formal proposal.


loser asked, A person who seemed interested in me has stopped communicating to me. Though she declined to go out on date with me, she neither accepted, nor she declined a marriage proposal. Now she has warned me not to contact her again. She says she does not know what I am talking about. What does that mean?

Love Guru answers, Are you utterly insane! If you would just read the answers for a change, instead of going on pasting your own question, you would see that I replied! Now stop flooding the chatroom!


muks asked, Hey LG please advise .. is it possible to be friends with an ex.. i broke with my gf 2 months ago and every time i see her on facebook i feel sad... she is now engaged

Love Guru answers, It is possible to be friends with an ex, but not so soon after the relationship has ended. You're still not over it and she's engaged to someone else -- communicating with her at this point will only prevent you from moving on, which should be your top priority at this time.


aa asked, there is a big obstacle between me and my wife... her parents as well as my parents... for some reasons she does not want to leave her parents.. and for some reasons... i can not leave my parents... now that what is the best way to convince her that i love her more than anyone else.. i know that she knows... but she is trying to make me feel that i am still not loving her completely.. she is trying to play with me... by doing so... she will be much more happy if i and she stay away and alone from parents... what is the best way to convince her that i love her the most and she also readies to leave her parents... although she does not accept my parents... it will be ok if she leaves her parents first... i will be ok with it... at least she stays with me and loves me unconditionally...

Love Guru answers, As long as you don't leave your parents' home, she won't leave hers. Now instead of giving me that 'but I'm a man and she's a woman' nonsense, you have to realise that the only way for this marriage to work is to move out together into a separate house. It's obvious that she doesn't get along with your folks and although you can try to convince her, I doubt she will give it another try as things stand.


ashu asked, hey love guru , actually i love a girl from school days and now am well grown and an engg , she is now a fashion designer , these days we got in touch through facebook and later on through calls and sms but still am not sure how to approach to her wid my feelings .... new year is coming , hoping everything works out

Love Guru answers, Before approaching the subject of feelings, please meet her in person at least a few times! It's all good to relive childhood crushes and all that, but the reality of it is you both are adults now. So meet her as you would any other girl, go out on a few dates, see if she reciprocates your feelings and then tell her.



Image: 'We've met again years after school and I still have feelings for her'

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'I'm marrying a childhood friend but I'm stil not over my ex'

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happy asked, Dear LG, thanks for the insight, i guess you are right.. sorry to extend my question... we are currently living together.. but for want of excitement and socializing we have started experimenting with bisexuality... even though we have not really acknowledged it to each other openly... would this additional info alter your advise?

Love Guru answers, I think you should get your facts absolutely right before assuming that your partner is in a bisexual relationship, just because you are. Want of excitement should be met by spicing up your own sex lives with each other and lack of socialising should be met by hanging out with other friends frequently. The approach to your problems that is currently underway is not heading in the right direction.


pooja asked, Love Guru It has been a year that my engagement broke with a guy I loved. It was his sisters who were against this marriage just because of caste difference and the guy at that time procalimed that he loves me but did not had the guts to come forward and marry. I am still not able to forget him. The gifts that were exchanged at that time I have returned his gifts but he has yet to give though he says he will return back but being abroad he not able to do is what I think. He has not talked with me though I call him but he never picks the call. Pls tell me what to do how to forget him and is there any feelings in him for me now.

Love Guru answers, You can blame his sisters, but I blame him. He didn't have the strength or the guts to stand up for you to his family. I say move on -- it's 'me' time now, so do whatever you feel like to get over this. Go out regularly, lean on close friends during this time, plan a vacation and go someplace you've always wanted to visit. In time, all wounds heal. And there are plenty of other, better fish in the sea! You'll find another, better man who deserves you -- this coward clearly didn't.


kirti asked, Hi LG, Am engaged and getting married to guy whom i have known for 4 yrs, we were school friend. Still cant forget the one guy who was my crush in college days, who is now my friend and we also dated for 3 months mid last year ( we still meet but in company of our common friends ). I expressed my feelings for him last year for which his response was negative. We stopped dating after that. Its been 1-1/2 yr and I still think of him and can not forget him. :( How to move-on completely? i think of him every single day and cry. My fiance doesn't know anything. :(

Love Guru answers, It was only a crush and three months of dating. I think you've built this guy up so much in your own mind that you're making yourself miserable over nothing. Because he said no, you want him all the more. In the meantime, you're not giving priority to a man who has known you since you were a child and who obviously loves you. You're so focused on this silly little affair that you're failing to try and make any real effort to make your future marriage work. This ex is just another man, not a Greek god -- so realise that and move on!


sandhya asked, hi LG i have a frienship with a boy for more than 6 months than i realised that i fell in love with him, but i think he has also the same felling infact he says d same thing, he also confess 2 me dt he loves me but when i proposed him he told me dt he has not such fellings. if he sattle down in future than he will think about me but still he wanted 2 remain in such relsn. wht should i do?

Love Guru answers, He's playing games with you. Tell him straight that this yes-no business is not your cup of tea -- either you're only friends and you'll look at dating other men, or you both are a couple. Put your foot down and don't be swayed by his nonsense!


Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today -- see you next week, same time, same place! Till then, post your queries on the .



Image: 'I'm marrying a childhood friend but I'm stil not over my ex'

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