So you think men are likelier to cheat in a relationship? Or that they never change? You may be surprised to learn the truth! Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
Experts have revealed the seven commonly held misconceptions about male sexuality.
Mass media and the confirmation bias
We only seem to notice or count the guys that fit our existing ideas about male sexuality, yet we fail to notice that he's often outnumbered by other guys, the Huffington Post reported.
Men are likelier to have an extramarital affair but if it's really an affair and not just one-time sex with a stranger, then that guy is still choosing sex in a relationship over a series of one-night stands. Instead of just saying "men are dogs", maybe we need to ask why that original relationship and sexual partner are no longer fulfilling.
We have all experienced the excitement of a new relationship and sexual partner, and we certainly hear a lot about couples falling into a rut and slowly disconnecting with each other over the years, which means it's time to start talking more regularly and more openly about how to refresh the relational and sexual aspects of a marriage and how to maintain that into older age.
Hitting on women at nightclubs
A number of women do get hit on repeatedly by guys in "committed" relationships, and there are certainly guys who live up to our stereotypical conception. The numbers tell us a small minority of guys have three or more partners per year.
The main question is, does she get hit on every time she leaves the house, like when she's grocery shopping, at the mall or at work, or is it just when she's out at a club, especially a club that has a reputation for being a meat market?
We've all heard that according to evolutionary theory, men should spread their seed widely in order to maximise the number of children they'll have, whereas women should choose one partner carefully.
Evolution has also built in an attachment system that creates very strong bonds between a child and each of its caregivers; that system even has its own neural circuitry.
Perhaps more important, studies indicate that children in pre-technological cultures who are raised by two biological parents are more likely than children with any other parenting configuration to live long enough to reproduce. From an evolutionary perspective, passing your genes along to your grandchildren -- the third generation -- is the big win.
Testosterone makes boys and men horny, but being horny is different from being promiscuous. From a practical standpoint, it's easier to have lots of sex with the same partner day after day than to keep finding a new partner every day.
Guys have always been like this
Guys have always been like this and aren't going to change? In fact there have always been some guys who do sleep around. But they are and always have been the minority.
Guys can't change
Guys won't change, so if you're going to date them, you just need to deal with it.
However, the truth is that men have changed. They have become less sexist than they were 40 years ago. Two generations ago, most guys believed their wife shouldn't have to work, except maybe to keep busy or if the family was trying to get some extra money.
Today, most guys expect their partner to have a career and hope to achieve and maintain something close to equality within their marital relationships. Guys have also become increasingly comfortable with the idea that women will pay some of the dating expenses.
Then again, since most guys are not Casanovas, maybe it's our personal and cultural expectations about what's typical that need to change.