At times it is better to wave the fight flag even if you are not at fault, says Leena Paranjpe.
We live in a world of people with a short attention span and tolerance to make things work.
This is one of the reasons why marriages are going downhill sooner than expected.
While the couples of the current generation struggle with time and patience to work things out, most of them head for an easy way out through divorces.
Some relations are difficult to save, but there is always hope for the majority of the marriages to survive.
If you are facing some rocky patches in your marriage and feel that your life is at crossroads, you may have to consider a few of these options to save your relationship from falling apart:
1. Express gratitude
If you cannot thank each other once in a while then any kind of relationship is going to hit the rock-bottom soon.
Learn to share gratitude with each other as often as possible.
2. Complement each other
If you think that only women need compliments then you are totally wrong.
A successful marriage is based on mutual appreciation, whether it is in the form of compliments or appreciating each other through small gestures.
Keep words flowing and there will be no room for resentment.
3. Set limits
Being in love can be very tricky as it can lead you to ignore toxic behaviour.
Understanding each other through mistakes and flaws is alright to a point.
Do not go overboard with accepting everything.
Set your boundaries and call out on errors that your partner makes to regain the balance.
4. Stop external interference
Your marriage is a personal matter. While seeking advice from friends and family is a great way of resolving issues.
It can become problematic when in-laws or a distant relative gets too nosy about your relationship, leading to greater misunderstandings.
Draw some boundaries for external interference.
5. Digging through history
It is human nature to bottle up things from the past and bring them up in fights.
While we all are prone to making these mistakes it is better to stick to the point of an argument and not dig into the history to bring up issues that are long resolved or forgotten.
Let bygones be bygones if you want your marriage to work.
6. Distract yourself
Fights can go on for as long as you want them to.
If you feel that your argument is reaching no conclusion and you are going in loops then take a moment to calm down and distract yourself.
At times an issue is not as important as you thought it to be.
Marriages can become a fight of ego if you feel it is below you to be the first one to apologise.
It is only human to say sorry to bring a topic to rest.
At times it is better to wave the fight flag even if you are not at fault.
Since you are partners for life such small things may not matter in the long run. It's time to say sorry!
Humour goes a long way in lightening up a situation, no matter how grave it is.
You will be amazed that a simple joke can do when things don’t seem to get resolved. Bring out the funny side of you and see how you patch up in minutes.
9. Power of touch
Living beings are capable of soothing pain through a simple touch.
So why not use it in a marriage where physical affection is a part of life?
A simple hug, kiss, cuddle or caress can release oxytocin or the love hormones in your bodies, creating a feeling of connectivity and security for your relationship.
Start consciously and see it grow in your subconscious mind.
10. Do not quit
It is easy to give up on a relationship, but it is always better to give your best while working things out.
Even if your partner has called it quits, you should take the responsibility and build the confidence in restoring the breaking relationship.
Effective communication is the master key. It will help both of you reconnect and re-bond.
Marriages are difficult to sustain, but this institution has been there for a long while.
This persistent existence through changing times and generations says a lot about the bond and its endurance. So get to work and make sure to retain the special bond.
Leena Paranjpe is a certified marriage coach based out of Mumbai.