'My boyfriend wants me to undergo cosmetic surgery'

Love Guru says, Hi there, everyone -- welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Lets get started, shall we?

ram asked, Hi Love Guru I like one girl from my classes. but i m unable to do friendship with her. I feel nervous when she is near to me. indirectly through my frdz she has come to know that i like her. that time i afraid and tell her that they are just joking. now whenever i look at her she also lokking at me . what it means & what should i do. plz help me

Love Guru answers, Ram, this is the third week in a row that you are asking me this question -- which means you havent even looked for the answer I gave you the first time around! I told you that it was smart to tell her that you were just joking, because no girl likes attention from a strange person she doesnt know. I also told you to smile and say hello when you see her, casually discuss assignments since you are in class together and after she is comfortable, to one day ask her out for coffee -- in a group. Now for heavens sake take my advice and stop obsessing over it for another month!

sharman asked, I know this is the most foolish thing that I gonna do that i am asking any third peson to tell me what to do in may life but this is serious. well dear sir, I am with a girl since last five years & we even plan to marry in coming next two years , my problem is she works in a BPO with no constant office hours & days off, this affect me a lot as i never be able to talk to her or meet her when I feel like, see i even work but still there is a excat time & day offs. this makes me mad & we had millins of fights because of that. Now please note that i dont want her to leave the job but please help me how should i do such adjustment (i have been adjusting with her siince last 3 years now ) but now its becoming very difficult.....please help me this could lead to a break up....which i dont want atall

Love Guru answers, We are in the middle of a recession here -- jobs are very hard to come by. Its good that your girlfriend has a job and you are relieved that she has one too. So why are you making such an issue out of it? Especially since you claim to love her and want this relationship to work? Stop picking fights about a situation that cannot be changed at the moment. Its not her fault. Even BPOs get one day off in the week -- so try and spend as much time you can with her on that one day. Plan a trip once a month or so out of town together -- take leave, both of you and do it. Also, why not help her look for another job?

AVINASH asked, I LOVE HER BUT SHE DOESNT ,WHAT CAN I DO?SUGGEST ME ................

Love Guru answers, Ive said this a million times before and Ill say it again -- you cannot force someone to be attracted to you or love you. If she has made up her mind about you, Avinash, accept it gracefully and move on. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.

OneLover asked, Hi loveGuru ,I like one girl from my college. She is a year junior to me.I am in trouble how should i approch her. Or directly go and friendship with her. Whenever i see her i dont know what gone happen to me.I am one of studious person and this is happen with me first time when i saw her.

Love Guru answers, If you approach her directly with that silly line about *making friendship*, the odds are that she will shoot you down. Get a common friend to introduce you casually -- read casually -- and then as time passes, build up to greeting her when you see her. If you are hanging out in a group, make smalltalk. Then, if she is interested, you can ask her out on a date.

chaitali asked, I am not happy with my married life.my hubby was earlier very romantic and sexy.all d time he made love to me but after d birth of r first baby he shows least interest in having sex.i die to have sex but he dozes off to sleep. please help me out love guru.

Love Guru answers, What exactly is the problem? Is he really tired, or stressed, or is that an excuse? Does he not find you attractive anymore? A womans body goes through many changes after giving birth -- work your way towards keeping yourself attractive. In the meantime, I would suggest you confront your husband and explain how the lack of intimacy is upsetting you. Talk honestly about what is happening to your sex life and resolve the issue, whatever it is.

kalu asked, Hi love guru, I want to marry a girl 2.5 years older than me. can we have a healthy life after marriage? I have heard that after certain age girls lost interest in sex due to menopose. I am really confused as we both have already crossed 30 and it is giving me nightmares. Please help

Love Guru answers, Your nightmares are arising from ignorance. 2.5 years is hardly an age-gap. And women usually hit menopause after 40 -- which is not to say that they stop having sex completely after that! Its just a period when the body goes through changes and that may affect the sex drive. Go ahead and get married.

(Advice from the Love Guru does not necessarily reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.)

Love Guru answers, You shouldnt have lied -- six years is not such a large age gap that you should risk lying about it. I would suggest you tell her the truth when you meet her and apologise for lying -- promise that it wont happen again and that everything else she knows about you is accurate. If you tell her now, she may think twice about meeting you at all. Its different in person.

minki asked, hi guru i am 22 year old girl and i am student. ,my bf is 30 yr old,when we were friends he is so good ,but after becomeing her gf he always asking to change myself.about my body my habbits.he wants me to increase the size of my boobs.but how can i do this.how can i ask my parents ,this is so awakward asking my parents for this.he don.t listen anything.he always compare me with other girls.like they always staring at other girls boos.wants me to have like them.he also wants me not to talk with other guys but as i classmates i hve to discuss many things with my classmates.he don,t like me to wear stlish clothes he just like me to wear simply cloths not reaveling.but when i with her at him alone he wants me to wear western clothe .. guru what i do.i love him a lot.also its since 2 years we are having affair he never asks me for marriage.guru will he marry me .plzz plz plz ans me.

Love Guru answers, You are in over your head here. The age gap in itself -- 8 years -- is not so huge, but you are still too young. You are only 22, he is the one who should be thinking of settling down, not you. Its ridiculous to even consider cosmetic surgery and cutting yourself off from male friends just to please this jerk. I say you should dump him. He is nothing but a possessive, chauvinistic hypocrite and a bully.

parul asked, hi Lg i m in a relationship with a guy in my office.we both have been goin together for 3 years now he has started overlooking me. he doest even talk to me on phone in nights n give excuse lik i m tired or i have work which were never there before.this is making me restless n i m losing my mind.what i think this is all after we got physical this march. please tel me what to do?

Love Guru answers, Confront him and demand answers. After 3 years, he cant just avoid you and try to end the relationship in this manner. Tell him to behave like a man, not a mouse and to tell the truth about whether he wants to pursue things or not. And if he doesnt, be strong and dump him right there without a backward glance. He shouldnt have gotten physical with you if he wasnt serious -- I suspect that was all he was after in the first place.

rocks asked, hi guru,i want to know why many beautiful rich and celebs have failed relationship. because they have everything name,fame,money,beauty,good bodies to die for.so than what is reason for there failed relationships

Love Guru answers, When you are a celebrity, your whole life is lived under the watchful eye of the media and public. Its difficult with so much constant pressure to make a relationship work. Every date, every partner is scrutinised. Also, when you are rich and famous and used to getting what you want, you may become a difficult person to live with and to deal with. That can also spell trouble for your relationship.

help asked, Hi Love guruji, I would like to know about the girl history before giving my consent for marriage and also both of us should go for blood test for our future happy married life. I am ready to do this, but from the girl side shall I ask the same. please help

Love Guru answers, Fair enough -- but remember that the past is in the past and you should not judge a person by that. People make mistakes and learn from them -- thats how life is. And nobody should be punished or taunted for something like a failed relationship -- its a situation everyone goes into hoping it will work, but sometimes it doesnt. As for the blood tests, I would suggest you talk to the girl personally and go for it together. Do it sensibly, instead of demanding it from her family -- that may be insulting to them.

dhaya asked, my lover gets angry for small issues which makes me to get irritated... i am feeling scary if this continues even after our marriage then our life will be miserable.. please guide me

Love Guru answers, Rectify the situation before you get married. He needs to show you that he can change this bad habit and stick to the right way of dealing with things. Be prepared to listen to a few faults he finds with your personality also -- compromise and you both will be happy.

sady asked, hi guru,recently i gone my friends wedding there i met a guy who is very good looking ,as we become very close keep talking n togther in whole wedding,we end up giving good bye kissing to each other,he gave me his number,but after talking a week a just telling me that he is married man with oine small kid.he even asks me to if i have doubts he can talk ot see his wife.i shattered too much.he feels sorry wht happens ,he just asking me to forgive him what he does,but i start loving him a lot unable to forget him,now he even don,t attend my calls.guru how i tell him i love him very much.

Love Guru answers, Its just a crush. Thank your lucky stars that he came to his senses in a week and told you the truth instead of leading you on for a year or two before you found out! You are just caught up in the feeling of euphoria that follows connecting with someone you are attracted to. Its too soon to be love, although Im not saying that your feelings must be strong and you must be hurting at the betrayal. But its only one night that you spent with this man and you only kissed him. You are unwilling to let go of it -- that is the problem. The moment you do so consciously, the whole ugly episode will just fall away from your life with ease. In a month or two.

Love Guru answers, You may not trust her, but have you forgiven what she did? Do you want to make the marriage work? If its only your ego telling you to get a divorce, I can sympathise, but I would suggest trying to patch things up by seeing a marriage counsellor. That way, you can work through your issues. On the other hand, if you really dont love her anymore, are unhappy in the marriage and want to get out at all costs, her emotional blackmail should not stop you. File for divorce after talking to a lawyer.

iraa asked, Hi LG , My divorce case is on for almost 4 yrs and may settle this year , my dilema is that despite of all atrocities faced from her end , i still not getting over of her and sees her as my soulmate though we both were at fault when it all started. i have a 10 yr old daughter too. Pls advise me

Love Guru answers, Do you think you have it in you to make the first move? Invite her somewhere you can talk in private and explain to her that despite all the atrocities, as you put it, you still love her and would like to try and work things out. Say that you are willing to forgive, forget and take the road to saving your marriage by putting aside your ego -- and ask if she can and would like to do the same. Its never too late. Moreover, if you dont meet at home and amongst family members, she will be less defensive and hostile. Give it a try -- what have you got to lose? In any case, if she says no, your divorce will be final soon.

pinki asked, hello love guru im having a boyfriend fr 7 yrs bt sumhow things r nt wrkin proper, he has always been away in other cities and now he is avoiding any formal family meet discussing marriage. he is too busy wit career and new commitments and now i wonder if at all we loved each other, i am 26. how do i handle this relationship and also my parents?

Love Guru answers, The long distance has taken a toll on your relationship. But because after 7 years its become a habit, neither of you seem to want to upset the balance and end it. Thats the wrong reason to stay in a relationship. If you both know whats happening, why not talk it out? If you are not in love with each other, end it on a good note and remain friends.

james asked, Hey Love guru, I like one girl, she was too close to me atleast for 2 years. She keeps on sayin I like you, I miss you. WHat u suggest should I propose her ?

Love Guru answers, Of course! What are you waiting for? Tell her you like her and miss her too and have feelings for her. Tell her you would like for your relationship to move to the next level and commit to each other.

kkt asked, hi love guru.i got engadged recently,but i know she had broken engadgement with a guy after havin 3 yrs love affair with him.so how do i find that does she have physical relationship with her boyfriend or not.she is telling d reason behind broken engadgement is that guy was very possesive.pls advice

Love Guru answers, You wont know for sure unless she decides to tell you herself. And even if she did, so what? At that point in time she thought she was going to marry him. It didnt work out and now shes with you.

sumit asked, hi LG i love this girl from india i havent seen her like for more than 7 years.. have been talking to her in the lsat days .. i9 know that i love her and i even told her this thing but she says that she likes me but she doesnt love me .... she says her carrier is more important and all... cann u plzz tell if this will work oput or not ....

Love Guru answers, Sumit, you are in a different country. You havent seen this girl for 7 years. And she doesnt like you enough to give up her life here or her career. Chances of it working out are slim, my friend. Stop obsessing over someone you havent even met for nearly a decade and move on!

bhiuk asked, SIR, WHAT HAS TO BE DONE WITH A FRIEND WHO KEEPS RELATION WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS EVEN AFTER MARRIAGE? I DONT SUPPORT SUCH A THING....

Love Guru answers, Depends on what kind of relationship she is keeping with them, doesnt it? Nothing wrong with being just friends -- if its more than that, of course its inappropriate. In any case, if she is just a friend, her married life -- or her equation wit her exes -- is not really any of your concern.

Love Guru answers, You are a little young to be making life decisions at this point in your life -- and this 29-year-old girl may be looking to settle down. Still, if you love her and she is willing to wait till you have grown up a bit, propose to her. But its wrong to keep the girl younger than you hanging on as a substitute -- if you dont love her, regardless of whether 29 returns your feelings or not, dont play games with her heart.

nashin asked, we are in love with 6yrs before the was good but know things are so mess ,he dosnt trust me anymore our reletionship is on end what should i do

Love Guru answers, Where there is no trust in a relationship, there is no happiness. Either he learns to trust you or then call it off. And what did you do to betray his trust that he is so suspicious of you now?

Sameer asked, Good after noon Love Guru Sameer this side hope u r doing good. I am engaged with a girl who is studying in the college one day I heard her talking to her ex boy friend at around midnight over the phone. When we started our relationship she told me about him also told me that now she will not have any kind of relation with him in future. She has broken my trust, even after 5 months of engagement with me; she is not able to forget that person. What I Think if marry her life might become hell and many problems can arise in future. Also I still love her a lot but I am planning to break the engagement what is your opinion on this plz help.

Love Guru answers, Sameer, dont make any rash decisions before you know whats going on. Granted, it looks suspect if she is chatting him up at midnight, but at least give her a chance to explain herself. Demand to know the truth and tell her that if she still loves him she shouldnt be engaged to you. Talk it out without losing your cool -- I know its easier said than done, but if you are overly dramatic, you may just end up worsening the situation.

aparna asked, Hi LG,hope u r good. I am happily married now..before marriage i was in love with my friend..but he betrayed me..we did have a physical relationship but he refused to marry me..after years of parental pressure i got married ..my hubby is very understading and caring..Now i heard through friends that my ex Bf has got married and doing well in personal/professional life..I HATE TO SEE HIM HAPPY..after all that i went through..why are guys like him not punished by God...I feel soo guilty as my hubby doesnt know about my affair...I hate to see my ex BF happy..what do i do for my mental peace

Love Guru answers, You have a loving, caring husband. Your own happiness is being sacrificed only because you are waiting to see your ex suffer. What he did to you was wrong, but you are punishing yourself more by being so vindictive. Dont bother with his life, bother with yours. Dont wait for life to punish him, because in the meantime you are punishing yourself. And remember, things are not always as they seem on the surface -- at the end of the day, nobody knows what goes on between a couple in private.

xzc asked, hi LG, my parents made a arrange match for me. I started talking to the girl and whn i was about to propose her she told me that she is having a bf till now but she cant marry him since he is a muslim and her parents are against it. She told me that she wants to spend her life wth me and tht she loves me. She said tht she is trying to forget to tht guy and jst need some time. I said ok. A couple of days back when i met her, i came to know thts she is still talking to him on call, sms and via mails. I said it over but she told me tht she jst need some time to forget and cant end the relationshp wth tht guy in a month. How much i sould wait for her coz i want to get married. What should i do ??

Love Guru answers, She is getting married to you under pressure. And shes doing it to make her parents happy. Would she marry you if she was free to marry whoever she wanted? You need to talk to this girl without getting angry -- she is under a lot of pressure already. Ask her whether she really wants to be with you and not her boyfriend only for her parents sake. Its her future happiness she should be thinking about. And whatever decision she makes has to be firm and in her best interests. Not anybody elses. If she decides to marry you, she has to cut this guy out of her life once and for all -- this is unfair to him too. If not, accept it gracefully that she loved someone else before you were anywhere on the scene.

Love Guru says, Time up, folks! Email me at mailtheloveguru@rediffmail.com and tune in to the chat again next week, same time, same place! Goodbye and God bless!