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Rediff.com  » News » Just imagine! Rahul Gandhi's earthquake-wallah speech

Just imagine! Rahul Gandhi's earthquake-wallah speech

Last updated on: December 09, 2016 21:19 IST

Rahul Gandhi

What exactly would Rahul Gandhi tell Parliament on the notes ban that would cause an earthquake?

On Friday, Congress Vice-President Rahul Gandhi boasted that if he spoke in Parliament on the notes ban, Prime Minister Narendra Modi's government would be 'hit by an earthquake.'

With Parliament facing a logjam, it seems unlikely that Rahul will get to speak any time soon.

Utkarsh Mishra imagines what is it that Baba Gandhi would say if he got the chance.
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com


Speaker Madam,

Aaj ek important baat kehna chahta hoon. Dil ki baat kehna chahta hoon. Maine kaha tha ki jab mujhe bolne ka mauka milega, to main kuch aise facts is House mein bataunga, ki yahaan earthquake aa jaayega. Mere aisa kehne ke baad se hi, Modiji aur unke saare ministers bahut pareshan hain.

Madam, inhone baar baar kaha, ki bade note band ho jaane ke baad se, jo gareeb hain woh chain ki neend so rahe hain, aur jo ameer hain woh neend ki goliyaan khareedne ke liye market mein daud rahe hain.

Madam, main aise kayi ameeron ko jaanta hoon, jinhe aisa kuch karna nahi pada. Lekin main itna zaroor jaanta hoon, mere yeh kehne ke baad se ki main ek badi baat kehne wala hoon, Modiji aur unke suit boot wale saare ministers neend ki gooliyan kha rahe hain.

Toh chaliye, aaj bata hi deta hoon ki main kya kehna chahta hoon.

Madam, jis din se Modiji ne note band kiye, gareebo aur kisaano ke ghar mein choolhe nahi jale hain. Mazdooro ko unke wages nahi mil rahe. Kisan apni fasal nahi bech pa rahe hain. Gareebo ke paas khane ke liye kuch nahi hai. Aur in BJP ke neta aur unke kareebe, apne bete betiyon ki shaadiyon me karodo kharch kar rahe hain.

Madam, main poochna chahta hoon, kya karodo kharch karne wale kisi line me lage the? Nahi. Unhone Modiji ki fair and lovely yojna ka istemaal kiya, aur apne kale dhan ko safed kar liya.

Itne ke baad bhi, madam, note bandi ke baad aajtak jitne bhi politicians badi rakam ke saath pakde gaye, woh sabhi BJP ke the.

Modiji ne kaha tha corrupt logo ko pakdenge. Idhar meri taraf dekhiye. In sab Congress walo ki taraf dekhiye. Kya aapko lagta hai hum mein se ek bhi corrupt nahi hai?

Agar hain toh hum azad kyon hain? Bhaiyya hume bhi andar karo. Lekin Modiji ki police, Modiji ki CBI, Modiji ka income tax department, sab sirf BJP ke leaders ko hi pakad rahe hain.

Madam, kya yeh scam nahi hai? Main to kehta hoon Hindustan ki history ka sabse bada scam hai.

Ek taraf Modiji ke logo ne karodo ka her pher kiya, aur doosri taraf unki boodhi mataji ko 4,000 rupaye badalwane ke liye line mein lagna pada. Madam, main khud line me laga tha, ek baar nahi do do baar.

Wahan log gusse mein the. Jab main wahaan pahuncha, kayi log mere paas aaye. Selfies nikali, mujhse kaha ki bhaiyya yeh Modiji ne kya kar diya. Aaj log is baat par dukhi hain ki unhone Modiji ko kyon vote diya.

Madam jo 2,000 ke note maine line mein lagkar nikaale the, unme se ek bhi aajtak kisine liya nahi. Modiji ki sarkar mein aaj itni mehngayi badh gayi hai, phir bhi 2,000 ke note zyada lagte hain. Kya yeh scam nahi hai?

Madam, ab ek emotional baat kehta hoon. Acchi lage toh thoda sa table pe haath maar deejiyega.

Us din hamare former prime minister House me bahut dino baad bole. Aur unhone is demonetisation ko ek organised loot bataya. Unhone aisa kyon kaha? Unhone aisa isliye kaha ki pehli baar logo ko banks me paisa bharne ke liye majboor kiya ja raha hai, lekin unko unka paisa wapas nahi diya ja raha hai.

Yeh sara paisa Mallyaji jaise logo ki bhalayi me kharch hoga. Aur gareeb ke haath se uska sab kuch cheen jayega. Isliye, yeh ek 'organised loot' hai.

Modiji ko main kehna chahta hoon ki bhaashano se kuch nahi hota, mann ki baat se kuch nahi hota, jumlon se kuch nahi hota, agar sach mein kuch karna chahte hain to sahi maayne mein jo corrupt hain unko andar daaliye, aur janta ka paisa janta ko deejiye, nahi toh kisi bhi Time mein aap Person of the Year nahi ban paayenge.

Please note: This is a light-hearted spoof and should be taken with an extra spoon of salt.

Utkarsh Mishra / Rediff.com