'I am in love with my wife's best friend'
In an online chat with Get Ahead readers on July 10, Love Guru answered their queries on love and relationship.
Here's the unedited chat transcript:
salim: hi, i am marries since 5 years but im also in love with another woman she is my wife's best friend. i just cant stop thinking about her . what should i do?
Love Guru: Salim, unless you wish to lose everything, my advice is not to do anything in the matter. Thinking about her etc is fine, you will get over it soon, but if you want your life to continue smoothly, control your urges
Venu Thanikal: My wife is not showing interest in sex. what to do. I have to force her by which I lose interest
Love Guru: Venu Thanikal, are you sure it is not because of something you do/don't do? Have you tried having a heart to heart with her about it? Please do that, you may hear things about yourself you may not have realised till now
Sujeet Singh: I feel girls are very materialistic now a days. The love factor has gone and everybody wants more money and luxury (especially girls in arranged marriages). My friends have reached the age of 30 and they done want to marry since its so risky now a day with govt. rules supporting the women. Whats your take on this ?
Love Guru: Sujeet Singh, that's your perspective and you are welcome to it, of course. There are many others who think otherwise. What we think/believe in is often based on our experiences. So I understand where you are coming from
anil: love guru whenever a relation is broken everybody gives an advice to move on, please hel[p how can a person move on when he is really in love and that relation breaks apart
Love Guru: Anil, those who are saying it are doing so out of concern. It is not empty advice. What would you rather do if not move on? Stay on in the rut, feel sorry for yourself, turn negative and bitter and cynical? You can, sure, but moving on is a better way to deal with the situation
max: love guru my life is in a mess. my gf broke up with me a month back and the reason she gave me is that she cannot forget her ex. what should i do iam very serious about her?
Love Guru: Max that's very sad. Not a common occurrence, no, so it's all the more sad. Give yourself time, you will come to grips with the situation. Since she's gone back, I think it's unlikely she will return
nayan: love guru i am in a relation with a boy for 4 years now, but my family does not believe in love marriage i tried to convince them but they are not ready with a boy of my choice please help
Love Guru: Nayan, the call is yours to make, whether it's your life on your terms you want to lead or on someone else's terms, however dear they may be. Parental objection sometimes has a lot of reason; at time it also lacks reason, or reasonableness. Try convincing them of your love, all the while having a plan B
rakesh: my gf is angry with me even though i have done nothing, she keeps on doubting me and accusing me for no reason ..please help what to do?
Love Guru: Rakesh, if only you took the effort to try and speak to her about it instead of writing in here.. When you say she is angry even when you do nothing, maybe that's a cue for you to do something? You will never know unless you discuss it with her, the rest of us can give gyan, but little else I am afraid
yasmin: Basically I have no idea what to do. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and last year we had two beautiful twin boys. They are without a doubt the only thing keeping us together..but nothing is like before he does not love me like before
Love Guru: yasmin, what can I say. You seem to be facing what lots of married couples go through after having a child. How does one put the magic back? It needs effort, and prior to that, commitment. Maybe you should ask yourself if that is lacking in your relationship?
Asif Hossain: I am attracted to one of my aunty i really like her and i know she also like me but couldn't express her felling how should i approac her..she has two childresn
Love Guru: Asif Hossain, love to keep things in the family, do we? If she is your real aunt, as in your uncle's wife, I suggest you stick to your fantasies and not try and realise them.
Asif Hossain: No she is not my relative...she is an outer person...I am really attracted towards her...
HariGupta: I am married and my wife had past affair but I am not able to forget the same and this is creating problems in our life
Love Guru: HariGupta, sorry to sound insensitive but are you suggesting you had no history prior to marriage? No. Fine. Let's assume the roles are reversed, you had a past and your wife didn't. How should she react to it? The same way as you? Life is not something you look at through the rearview mirror while driving, if you do you will end up crashing the vehicle. Look at the future, and be happy
karanisha: I am 23 yrs old & i am fall in lve with my officemate. Everytime i m jst thnkng abt that. A few days later she hve to ask somthng related to office work so she msg me but the msg is done through .. we share our no. we also going to ofce 2gether nw a dayz ntng she going eraly .1 st we talkand msg bt nw a dayz she didnt msg me and cal me .wht shld u du nw
Love Guru: Karanisha, you should do what any sensible person will do. If she is avoiding you like you say she is, then obviously she doesn't want it to go anywhere. So heed the message and stay away.
Photographs: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com