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Four tales of rejection and lost love
Satish Sen, Arjun Gupta, Suman Mitra, Aruna Jain
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July 18, 2007

No one wants to be rejected when it comes to love.

It's painful, humiliating and can hurt your self-esteem.

But it's a cruel world, and most of us will face rejection before it's all said and done. The important point is not whether or not you get rejected, it's how you respond.

Will you bounce back and flourish? Or will you flounder and fall to pieces?

Let's look at four more experiences, sent in by Get Ahead readers.

Satish Sen
, who would like to keep his last name anonymous, sent the following:

I really regret my reaction to being rejected. Here is my story.

This girl who was with me for seven years, all of a sudden declares that she has no more feelings for me. When I pressed her for a reason, she said that she was seeing another guy.

I trusted her more than myself. We had been engaged for two years had even picked a day for the wedding. We had the perfect life ahead of us and she shattered it.

I did not react normally. Instead, I tried to hurt her. I ruined her reputation by doing little things, for the simple reason that I couldn't tolerate somebody cheating on me. I had trusted her for so many years and she made me so ashamed.

Today, two years later, it seems that I acted very inappropriately. I should not have hurt her, even if she had crushed me. Deep in my heart, I still love her and want to her to be happy.

Still, I fear that I will never love anybody as much as I loved her. I am jaded and jealous. I'm left to think only one thing -- that true love only happens once.

Arjun Gupta
provided us with a similar tale of rejection:
I was in love with this girl for over five years. She proposed to me and made me the focus of her life. After we decided to get married, I was the happiest man in the world. But then, just before our marriage, things started to sour.

She started giving me lame excuses and asked to have the wedding date postponed. I offered her every possible material possession and every possible expression of love. I even gave up a dream job in London [Images] because she didn't want to leave Delhi.

Still, after all these concessions, she finally broke off the marriage and is now engaged to a mutual friend. Since the day her mother told me, for she didn't have the courage, I have been in pain. I often stare at the ceiling and wonder if my life has any worth.

Even if I move on in my career and family life, my love life will never be the same. My heart is forever broken and I will never trust another individual again.

Suman Mitra
weighs in on a lost first love:

Once, I fell in love with a lady who used to constantly flirt with me. Sometimes, she rejected my advances and sometimes she accepted them. We had a two year relationship and I hoped to marry her one day. It is true � she was my first love.

But she rejected my marriage proposal on the basis that she was already in love with a guy who was well-established. Apparently, he had a better job and car.

This started a horrible period of my life. My problems mounted on top of me and I became fiercely depressed. I had no appetite; I had no social activities; I even avoided my friends and family.

I heard from others that she married her south Indian boyfriend, who was indeed well-established.  I kept absolutely zero contact with her. Then, all of a sudden she started ringing me after just a year of her marriage. I felt disturbed and decided to sever our communication. One day, I told her that there was nothing to gain by speaking through mobile and asked her to never call me again.  After that she discontinued all contact with me and now she does not disturb me. 

Gradually I was cured from the disease of love and I am now happily married. But it is also true that I have never forgotten my first love.

Finally, here is the touching story of Aruna Jain. Even though she's been cruelly treated, she stays optimistic:

Ours was a love marriage. For eleven years, I thought that I had the perfect relationship. Then, one day, I faced the most heartbreaking incident of my life. This is my story.

I accepted him, though he was totally bald. In fact, he doesn't have a single hair on his head and has no eyebrows. Just by looking at the two of us, no one could believe I even married him. Constantly, I heard the comments. 'Why did she marry him? She's so beautiful and he's so ugly.' 

Despite their comments, I loved my husband with all my heart. Then, only six months ago, I discovered that my husband was having an extra-marital affair with a young girl from his office. It hurt me so badly; I cried endlessly.

My mother-in-law responded cruelly, saying, 'So what if he has an affair? How is it your business? He is a man and is allowed to keep ten ladies.'

Now, I have finally moved out of this disaster marriage along with my nine year old son.

The worst part is since the day we were married until our final separation, he had not put aside a single rupee for me. I was also always treated by his family.

Today, I live with my son and manage all the expenses by myself. I have overcome this incident and surrendered myself to fate with hope that I will find somebody who will accept me and my son. 

Still, I have just one question for God:

Why did you do this to me? Is living a good life and being kind to others not acceptable? What did I do to deserve this?

In my darkest moments, I remember this quote:

"Fate served me meanly, but I looked at her and laughed,
That none might know how bitter was the cup I quaffed
Along came Joy and paused beside me where I sat,
Saying, 'I came to see what you were laughing at.

Have you had such an incident in your life?

Did you face rejection? How did you deal with it? How has it affected you? What advice would you give others in a similar situation?

Alternately, did you reject someone? Do you think you handled the situation well? Or do you think you could have been more tactful? Do you regret what happened? Is there a way to say no gently? Is there advice you would like to share with people facing a similar scenario?

Write in and share your experiences with other Get Ahead readers.

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