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Olympic champion Beard reveals darkest secrets

Last updated on: April 26, 2012 09:23 IST

Privately, her life was starting to unravel



When Amanda Beard climbed the podium at the 1996 Atlanta Olympics, clutching her teddy bear as she collected her first gold medal, no one could see the torment that was starting to brew inside of her.

Whenever she smiled, cameras clicked and crowds roared with approval. She was just 14 at the time and apparently living the ultimate American dream.

Or so it seemed. The medals, the cheesy grin, even the bear, were all just a mask for the demons she was battling.

Privately, her life was starting to unravel. Her parents had just divorced and she did not know how to cope.

Image: Amanda Beard
Photographs: Clive Mason/Getty Images


Amanda tried harder drugs, including ecstasy, cocaine and LSD

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Beard celebrated her Atlanta success by drinking alcohol for the first time. In the years that followed, she began abusing harder drugs, including ecstasy, cocaine and LSD.

She got involved in bad relationships with other famous sportsmen that turned sour, and became so concerned about her looks - even though was an in-demand model who once posed for Playboy - she battled bulimia.

Beard continued to be successful in the pool, breaking world records and adding to her stockpile of medals but her private life was getting worse.

Unable to cope, she started cutting herself and was eventually diagnosed with clinical depression, which ultimately helped turn things around.

Image: Olympic swimmers Amanda Beard, Michael Phelps, Jenny Thompson and Natalie Coughlin; of United States, pose during the Speedo Athlete Beach Day at Speedo Beach
Photographs: Pool CP/SV/Reuters
Tags: LSD , Atlanta , Amanda

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Beard reveals her darkest secrets

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Now 30 and happily married with a young son, her troubles behind her, Beard decided to open up her battles by releasing a book, "In the Water They Can't See You Cry: A Memoir."

In an interview, Beard said she decided to reveal her darkest secrets in the hope that it might help someone else.

"My only hope with it is that it can give a voice to people that are dealing with the same things and issues," she said.

"Already, I have such a great response. People have reached out to me and told me how inspirational it was to them to read this that they're dealing with the same things, that their daughter is dealing with them.

"For me, that makes the book a hundred percent worthwhile. No matter what anybody else says, the people that I've already touched with it is amazing."

Photographs: Rob Loud/Getty Images
Tags: Beard

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'You can only seclude yourself for so long'

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In the book, Beard gave a revealing insight into the pressures that elite Olympic athletes face and said it is not unusual for them to release tension through recreational drugs.

She admitted she went to a bar in Atlanta in 1996 then tried ecstasy after the Sydney 2000 Olympics. Later, she confessed to experimenting with several drugs during a visit to South Africa.

"I think, especially something like the Olympics, it's every four years and it comes down to those moments," she said.

"It's so short, and we're cooped up, stressed, and we're under all this pressure to perform and have all this success and all this greatness.

"When it's over it is like, 'Oh my gosh, let me let my hair down, I just need to get out. I don't want to think about anything. I just want to enjoy myself and have fun.'

"So many of the athletes are just cooped up for so long that we need to experience life, go out, and have a social life as well. You can only seclude yourself for so long."

Photographs: Alessandro Bianchi/Reuters

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'Right now, I don't battle depression'

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Beard said she knew people would change their perception of her after reading the book but is no longer concerned about criticism because her perspective has changed since getting married and starting a family.

"Right now, I don't battle depression, I'm not taking any sort of medication. I feel very confident in the place I am in," she said.

"I have a great husband, an awesome son. But the reality is that life is full of struggles and hardships, and we all deal with different tragedies within our life. But it's how we deal with them.

"Instead of dealing with them in an unhealthy way, which is what I used to do, I have learned other ways to deal with them."

Photographs: Lucas Jackson/Reuters

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'Swimming is my job ... I get to do everything'

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Beard has not given up on swimming. She is still training as hard as ever and trying to make the US team in breaststroke for this year's London Olympics.

If she gets selected after the US trials in late June, she will join an elite band of athletes to compete at five Olympics.

"Being a mom and being a full-time athlete has some exhausting moments, of course. But I also feel blessed," she said.

"Swimming is my job ... I get to do everything. I can commit fully to my sport and do that, at the same time I get so much time at home with my son, to raise him and be there and have that bond and connection. I'm pretty lucky."

Tags: US , London

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