rex asked, We were together, two and a half years and all that time, he's been very possessive of me. I couldn't talk to my friends or even relatives.
If I did he'd abuse me and them. He'd decide what I could wear, how I ought to tie up my hair and such. I stuck by him because I loved him and did it all to keep him happy.
A month ago, he made a trip to his village. On his return, he was totally changed. I told him we ought to get married soon. He didn't reply for two weeks.
After that, he calls me up saying that his mom has fixed up his marriage with somebody else. My friends advise me to forget him and move on as he is gonna repent and come back soon.
I miss him and want him back. I've made a decision of staying single for all of my life but I dearly miss him and can't concentrate on my studies and nothing else.
It hurts so much that I feel to end up my life. I'm immensely in need of ur help.
Love Guru answers, Rex, my dear, I know that this is the last thing you'll want to hear from me but you've been saved from a disastrous relationship. You were with a possessive, abusive Mamma's boy who is insecure of himself and isolated you from the world. And then he dumped you because he had no guts to face up to his mother. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life being told how to wear your hair and what clothes to put on every single day? Not having friends? Not associating with family? It's obvious from the way you've spoken that you're quite young. Stop thinking of spending the rest of your life by yourself and no talk of suicide. This poor excuse for a man is just not worth it and he does not deserve you. Even if he DOES come back ,if you have any sense, you'll say no. You need a friendly, trusting guy who will love the people you love and is tuned in to your needs. I can't even begin to tell you how wrong this guy was for you and how unhappy you would be even if he married you. Unless you wanted to remain a slave to him for life, it would have ended in divorce. And one way or the other you'd be unhappy -- living life as he wanted it or ending up with a failed marriage. So take this heartbreak in your stride and consider yourself lucky. You deserve far, far better than him.
PRADEEP asked, i like someone, already proposed her, she is saying i am in love with other but its possible to have good freind in life, as per my knowledge which people she in love is not good man, plz advice
Love Guru answers, Look, Pradeep, if she wants to be friends, be friends. Who she's in love with is her business and even if you know he's not a nice guy, your duty as a friend is to tell her what you know of him and leave the decision to her. If she sees the sense in what you're saying and wants to give you a chance, she will.
leostud asked, I am a normal 18 year old. I have a lot of forever friends, have loving parents and also have a huge crush on a guy. I am head over heels in love with him.
Sometimes, I feel not normal. Every six months or so, I have an urge of having sex with someone. Once I get this hunger, I can go to any extent to fulfill it.
I mean I have slept with a guy before (we had protected sex) and I have also practised exhibitionism on the webcam with a guy I don't even know.
But when I get up the next morning and think about it, I feel guilt pangs. Do I need treatment? Do I have some overactive hormone?
I really, really love my crush and can do anything for him. I do not want to lose him or his friendship at any cost
Love Guru answers, Listen, if you feel the urge to have sex, satisfying yourself in private is better than jumping into bed with the next guy you see. As for the webcam stunt, it was plain foolish. What if that guy you don't know recorded the clip and showed it to his friends? Or worse, put it on the Internet? Haven't you learned a lesson from the horror stories you read of porn clips that ruin young girls' lives? You want to be one more statistic? Start learning to control your urges and play a little hard to get with your crush, whatever your feelings for him. Someone who comes on too strong is a turn-off.
rohittanwar asked, i love guru i'm in love a girl but she is sis of my friend wat can i do
Love Guru answers, Does she feel the same way? Why not tell your friend how you feel first? If he has any sense he will accept it graciously and if he's fond of you, he may even help. But don't go sneaking around behind his back, or you may lose his friendship.
Nitish asked, In a commited relationship,Despite being known that one guy is the one who loved her the most in this whole world.She know this and still not coming back to him and left herself lurching in the dark because of a non-commital guy who she liked from a long time.what can he do to get back his life because he still loves her more than his life.
Love Guru answers, He should play hard to get. Part of the reason she wants that non-committal guy is because she can't have him. And she knows Mr Nice will accept her with open arms if she wants him back. So Mr Nice should stop chasing her -- when she realises that she may not get him back either, she may come back.
confused asked, I'm a foreigner, in love with an Indian woman. She's a divorcee with two kids but the kids are with her ex-in laws. My girlfriend had her tubes tied after the birth of her second child.
The thing is, I'm madly in love with her and really want to have children with her. Her doctor says it is possible to reopen her tubes, but the success rate is only 30 per cent.
I really love her and want us to have a baby and get married. Now, she says, she can't go through surgery and that she's putting a lot at risk since I'm going to marry her only if she gets pregnant.
Do you think she is right or am I? If I truly love her, what should I do?
Love Guru answers, I've answered your question before. And from my perspective, she's right. If you love her so much, why are you waiting for her to get pregnant before marrying her? Possibly because if she can't get pregnant, you may not want to marry? Where will the love go then? Such conditional love doesn't work too well. And in this country, women who get pregnant without getting married are frowned upon by society -- it's not easy for them. If you truly love her, you'll want to spend the rest of your life with her whether she can bear children or not. There are other optinos, you know -- fertilisation treatments, adoption etc. But your point of view is a little too based upon what you want -- a child. Not so much a wife.
zaheer asked, my gRl friend not give me kiss
I love to her
when asking to kiss
he said after mary
she said true tell me
Love Guru answers, Zaheer, if your girlfriend doesn't want to get at all physical before getting married, it's really her choice. While I will admit, it sounds a little odd to me that she won't even kiss you, it's something she's obviously not comfortable with. Those are her values, even if they seem a little too strict to us. Maybe she's worried that one thing will lead to another and she doesn't want to get carried away? If that's the case, you can discuss it and set boundaries that you won't cross with each other. Other than that, all you can do is give her a little time to open up to you -- hope she relents or wait till you get hitched!
middleageitch asked, I am 42 years old, am married and have two kids. I am in love with another woman. She is also married and has two kids. We have sex once a week and want to marry each other. I can't tell my wife because I love her too.
Love Guru answers, If you loved your wife, Mister, you wouldn't be sneaking off to another woman's bed every week. It's shameful that you claim to love her and still put your family life in jeopardy like this. I can understand people having affairs when they are trapped in unhappy marriages, but you don't fall in that category. Needless to say, your second marriage will be illegal unless you divorce your wife.
SONALI asked, Hi Love guru,I was in love with a married man for 3 years, now we will have sex every day, every week regularly, i cannot leave with out him but i dont want to marry him also, now in my home my parents have seen a guy who is a Software Engineer he looks good i want to marry this person? Iam confused what will i do? Pls answer me.
Love Guru answers, Sonali, please end this sordid affair and give yourself a chance at real happiness. Don't you want a man of your own, who can take you out on dates, be seen with you in public and doesn't want only sex from you? Don't you want a family? If the software engineer appeals to you, get to know him properly before taking a step towards marriage. But even if you don't end up with him, you need to end the affair for sure.
viv asked, what a silly n stupid world, only in search of sex....everyone asking about physical relationship. what is this love guru???please reply
Love Guru answers, Well, Viv, physical relations play a big part in relationships, although they are not the be-all and end-all of it. And it's better for people to clear their doubts than to go ahead and do things they may regret in the long run, isn't it?
nihaal asked, hi love guru...m nihaal.m a 22 yr old guy from bangalore..i m a gay.i like guys.i m in love witha guy.he too loves me and we want to marry n spend life together.he is in USA now.he wants to take me there for good next time he comes to india.but m cluesless wat to do.first v havent spoken to our family.wat will they say,how will they react.i cant even stay also without him.i dont want to hurt my family also.plz suggest wat do i fo
Love Guru answers, Look, honey, gay or straight, we don't choose our sexual orientation. I think your boyfriend is right about wanting to settle in America, their society is considerably more open-minded towards the gay community than ours. While I understand that you don't want to hurt your family, I also understand that this is who you are, that you can't help the way you are and that your family should accept you as you are, unconditionally. It may take them awhile to come to terms with it, but they eventually will, I think, because they love you. Wait for your boyfriend to come down and talk to them together. I have a lesbian friend whose mother hit the roof when she first found out, but it's been three years now and she's quite accepted the fact that her daughter is gay. Given some time, most parents come to terms with it. Because they love their kids, no matter what.
Love Guru says, Time up, folks! Email me at mailtheloveguru@rediffmail.com and tune in for the chat next week, same time, same place! Toodles!
Also see: 'I love three girls, can I marry them all?'