Like it or leave it, that’s Vatsyayana for you, the man who, around 2000 years ago, gave India and the world its first major treatise on sex, The Kama Sutra. The passage associates most rear-entry positions with animals, but has absolutely no negative undertones when applied to human beings.
All this from a country where people still believe that lesbians don’t exist. Ironic, isn’t it?
And where, after all these years, you still have people wondering whether masturbation will kill them, whether foreplay is a waste of time, and whether cunnilingus is a state in Poland.
Which is why the Internet comes as a Godsend; a source of answers to similar questions not always as absurd. It’s got advice for all things related to sexuality and, most importantly, comes with that much coveted tag of anonymity attached. Why is this important, you ask? Because a majority still find it impossible to enter buildings like, say, ‘Dr. P. K. Sex and Health Clinic,’ except under the cover of complete darkness or by wearing a heavy black trench coat.
In a country second to few others when it comes to a population problem, all things associated with the word ‘sex’ assume huge dimensions.
A survey on Sexual Attitudes commissioned by TTK-LIG, the makers of Kohinoor condoms, cited findings of the Durex-Mode Usage and Attitudes Study on Contraception (condoms) in India. They found that the middle-class Indian male has less sex a year (average frequency 91.8 times a year) and has it for the first time when he is older (at an average age of 25.1 years) than the world average (109 times a year and at 17.3 years of age). Surprisingly, the study also found that contraception is felt to be a necessary practice in the country (89 per cent), but only 17 per cent of middle-class Indians feel it is the wife’s responsibility alone.
On to help from the information superhighway, and to an expert called Dr. Ruth Westheimer. After doling out advice on sex in copious doses for years, the good doctor has done what most people now have: She’s got herself a dotcom. Dr. Ruth Online answers loads of questions posted by visitors daily, encompassing a wide range of subjects that include sex after childbirth, safe sex, role playing, celibacy, etc. There’s also a daily sex tip that’s interesting.
Closer to home, Sex Education Source of India provides a lot of information to the ‘questions, concerns, difficulties and problems related to human sexual health, function and behaviour’ posed by visitors. The site is promoted by Abhisarika, a sex-science monthly magazine that has been published for the lay public in Telugu since 1949. The advice all comes from consultant Dr. Darbha VR Poosha, who holds a Ph.D. in Human Genetics.
Dear Delilah is another option for answers on everything from general relationship advice to kissing tips, online love, relationship violence, safer sex and STDs, male and female sexual concerns, sexuality and disability, etc.
Incidentally, Delilah happens to be a woman called Deborah Levine, who is also responsible for the online service called Go Ask Alice. The site is supported by a team of Columbia University health educators and health care providers, and answers all kinds of questions related to relationships, sexuality, sexual and emotional health, fitness, alcohol and general health. And is it popular? You bet. Its pages are accessed more than 2.5 million times a month by readers in over 60 countries; and it receives about 1,500 questions per week, on every conceivable health topic. Before sending your own query, however, you might want to browse through its archive of over 1,800 previously-answered questions.
Still more information can be found within the pages of the Columbia University Health Program site, chock full of answers to common as well as uncommon queries on sexuality. Best of all, it also boasts links to organisations, sites, hotlines, books, films, videos, and CD-ROMs that can help.
Sexscape ranges from the purely informative to the sometimes kinky but, for all practical purposes, it works. The search facility lets you ask all you want about anything you want, and the answers come from Kim Martyn, a sexual health educator who has spent years in Toronto educating people about human sexuality, the prevention and treatment of sexually transmitted diseases.
Then there’s Isadora Alman, a sexologist and licensed California marriage and relationship counsellor, who hosts the Sexuality Forum, where people can register free of charge and then discuss everything related to sexuality and relationships with peers and experts alike.
More help, tips and advice can be sought at the Sexuality Information and Education Council, a non-profit organisation that has, since 1964, been developing, collecting, and disseminating information about sexuality, while advocating the right of individuals to make responsible sexual choices. Self-Help Magazine also has a section on sexuality with a lot of useful articles on topics like ‘100 ways to love your mate,’ ‘A closer look at sex and love addictions,’ ‘Challenging our thoughts about sex,’ and Full sexual satisfaction for the Y2K female.’
Last stop is a page on Indian Sexuality: The Truth and Surreality where the author looks at modern Indian concepts of sex, tries to find out whether Indians are different from others, why and how Indian sexuality became complex, and whether or not our attitudes are changing. He also writes about the future of Indian sexuality.
To end on a shocking note, a study commissioned a few years ago revealed that a vast majority of Indian men don’t even bother to undress fully before sex with their wives. This in a land whose people ostensibly rule Silicon Valley.
Time to get a little more of Vatsyayana back in our lives, wouldn’t you say?
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