Capital Buzz/Virendra Kapoor

Gimme work!

The tiger got up, stretched, fingered his whiskers, and whimpered.

"Gimme work!"Please give me work," he sniffled, "This is not the way to treat a senior police officer!"

The sniffles, marked 'confidential' and packaged through the official channels, reached Prime Minister Inder Kumar Gujral. Who, on seeing the pathetic plight of the ex-Central Bureau of Investigation director, could not help but wipe tears from underneath his specs.

"Give Tiger some work," he ordered, "Padmanabhiah, pal, give your special secretary something to do!"

The home secretary immediately assigned Tiger Joginder Singh the innocuous charge of Cntre-state relations. All files pertaining to the subject, Singh was told, would now be routed through him.

Tiger happily wiped his tears and took charge. Ah, salvation at last! He started waiting for the files. One week passed. No files. Two weeks passed. No files still. Singh waited on hopefully -- hadn't the home secretary promised him files?

Finally, just as Singh's eyes were again overflowing and he was about to rewhimper, one small piece of paper arrived. It was a one-line order from the PM about Lt General S K Sinha's appointment as Assam governor. Singh fell upon it -- if nobody was sending him files, well, he would make one for himself!

Tiger went about the job with great gusto. Night and day he struggled, till -- eureka! -- the one-line order stood transferred into a big, fat, wellbound file! (In his enthusiasm, Singh also sent some 250 copies of the order to 'officers concerned'!.)

"The man is simply dying to sign something or the other!" insiders laugh, "Clearly, he is out to negate the impression he has been marginalised by the government."

Singh, meanwhile, is waiting for another order, another paper, another anything... to while away the time till he retires next month.

Shod in controversy

Wow, what a fight!

It started with two world-famous shoe companies. They were kicking each other in the shins for the soul of the Indian footware industry. Till one, with a little help from BJP president L K Advani, played it clever.

When Advani embarked on his rath yatra, a little snippet in some newspapers said he had chosen to wear the shoes from one of our kick-fighters. And that was it -- the company planned an advertising blitz which, it hoped, would break down the resistance of the swadeshi shoe-lobby.

Only, the swadeshi camp got wind of it and took countermeasures immediately. And, in the process, dragged in poor Advani, who got well and truly kicked by his own party activists.

"Sacrilege!" red swadeshi faces screamed, "Advani has committed sacrilege! How could he go about wearing anything foreign?"

Understanding well its implications, Advani denied outright he had worn anything un-Indian. And now, his aides have kicked out at the company concerned, threatening to sue it for 'deliberately spreading a canard about Advani's anti-swadeshi proclivities.'

The shoe-maker -- poor chap! -- is now pleading his innocence. But Advani-ites show no sign of letting up.

Kick on guys, kick on -- it's fun watching!

Young man in a hurry

Like Chacha Sitaram Kesri, there is another Congressman who is in a desperate hurry to make it big.

And, believe us, the first-time parliamentarian of Andhra Pradesh is even more cruder than Kesri in his approach. Money (a commodity which he has aplenty), he seems to believe, is what it takes. And he is spending it like water -- on lavish parties for journalists, politicians and fixers.

The MP, thanks to all his extra-parliamentary activities, has managed to get a permanent seat in the front row of the Lok Sabha.

Which fact is now about to land him in a soup.

One of our MP's colleagues have now sought an inquiry as to how the said man occupies the first row, when as a junior member, he ought to be sitting in the back. Further, he has alleged that the high-profile MP has won over the junior staff in the Lok Sabha secretariat.

Clearly, there is an interesting fight brewing in Purno Sangma's backyard.