Videos you haven't seen in your wildest fantasies!
Movie director Suparn Verma's fun new column for Rediff Movies. Check it out! Warning! This column reflects the views of the writer and the writer only! He may or may not have been in his senses so don't let that colour your judgement.
The writer shall endeavour to try and refrain from profanity and try REALLY hard from being politically incorrect. But managing both at the same time may be a touch task for him. Hence, viewer discretion is advised. But if you wanna have fun...then what the hell! Keep reading.Movies are part of our DNA.
Love 'em or hate 'em, we just can't do without them.
The other thing we cannot do without are songs and dances and movie intervals.
We are toilet trained to take a leak 45 minutes into the first half, during the third song and before the pre-climax song, either sung in the villain's den or in front of God.
These song and dances are so popular in their reach that they are the reason the pop/rock industry has never reached the gigantic proportions it has abroad in the West. It is an industry by itself.
In the first column of the Suparstar Chronicles, I would like to pay homage to this industry.
I'm going to take you through songs of private music videos, Bhojpuri films and Hindi films that you wouldn't have dreamt of in your wildest fantasies.
They are so bad that they are good.
Drunk, Stoned or Stone Cold Sober these will make your day!
To start off, we have Silsila Hain Silsila, a Malayalam song produced by Baby Dolls... err my apologies. It is produced by Baby Doll Musics. I assume it's a lot of music for them to handle.
The video has its share of thank you's and gratitude's but I would like to extend my thank you and gratitude to one man -- Hari Sankar Kalavoor, who is credited with the lyrics, music, playback and direction of this music video.
What it features is a guy shaking himself without lip-syncing and his stock shots being used, two guys in four split frames mouthing Silsila again and again, two foreign tourists dancing holding a blue umbrella making faces at each other, followed by the money shot which has a group of people dancing in a circle, which keeps cutting back to two guys dancing on what looks like a drainage pipe!
Friends, please get your glass of beer, whiskey, tea or milk depending on your persuasion and have fun.
Image: The Silsila Hain Silsila song
'Dance King, Drummer, Musical Sensation'
Wilbur Sargunaraj is India's answer to Borat!
His Web site calls him 'Dance King, Drummer, Musical Sensation, Wilbur Sargunaraj is one of the most original talents the music industry has ever seen.'
His self-titled and self-released debut album Wilbur Sargunaraj continues to rake in impressive reviews while the super hits Love Marriage and Cricket have people across the globe begging for more.
With the release of Wilbur's video for Love Marriage on youtube, he saw over 100,000 views the first week, and has already sailed past 600,000.
Well, here's Cobra Cobra, in which Wilbur promises to put you in a trance if you wanna do the dance! I don't doubt him. I'm watching the video for the 12th time.
Image: The Cobra Cobra song
He could give the Bachchans, Khans, Kapoors, Roshans a run for their money!
So Wilbur is gonna do a double whammy. This one is titled Love Marriage, but once you have heard him sing, you will know it is actually Looorrruurrvvveeee Marriage. The hero could give a run to all the Bachchans, Khans, Kapoors, Roshans and anyone before and after. This man has the personality of... I stared at the screen for an hour-and-a-half trying to think of a word to sum him up, but drew a blank. So you provide the adjectives, and I will provide you with the song.
And since he is so talented, we can't just leave him at one song.
Unfortunately, the English language is ill-equipped for Wilbur. The video is dubbed as 'The cry of Wilbur's heart'. Let me just say to you, I was crying Wilbur, like I have never cried before. You da man!!!
This song has haunted me and now I also know the reason why. It is actually from a horror film called Khooni Raat! I will be making a point to see the film for sure, but before that, I present to you this song of epic proportions.
So Wilbur is gonna do a double whammy. This one is titled Love Marriage, but once you have heard him sing, you will know it is actually Looorrruurrvvveeee Marriage.
The hero could give a run to all the Bachchans, Khans, Kapoors, Roshans and anyone before and after.
This man has the personality of... I stared at the screen for an hour-and-a-half trying to think of a word to sum him up, but drew a blank. So you provide the adjectives, and I will provide you with the song.
Image: The Love Marriage song
Dance Ka Muqabala!
Guddu Rangila is a legend in the Bhojpuri B-industry and could give Ron Jeremy a run for his money.
He isn't hard to find in this music video: He is the dude with the curly hair, mouthing silent curses at the 'good' looking dude. Both of them are hankering after a chick, who obviously wasn't paid to express.
This song is the Dance Ka Muqabala between a musical Ranjeet and a musical 'good' boy.
Image: The Humra Hau Chahi song
The Bhojpuri Superman
I'm a huge comic book fan. I love Batman.
Sadly, the Hindi and Bhojpuri film industries have taken a huge liking to Superman and Spiderman.
Our very own Govinda and Kimi Katkar are Superman and Spidergirl loving each other, as they fly through the skyscrapers of some place known to them.
What scares me is what the offspring would be called. SuperSpider?
Image: The song from Dariya Dil, Tumera Superman
The other song has a reedy looking Spiderman in a ill-fitting suit doing all the Amitabh Bachchan steps with an extremely generously blessed lady whose pelvic and hip thrusts actually knock down Spiderman quite a few times.
Stan Lee? Bendis? if you are listening, Spiderman's ultimate foe is a Bhojpuri heroine!!
Image: The Ispaidermein, Ispaidermein song
Changing Shakira is a crime against humanity
We beg, borrow, steal and loot from everywhere in order to entertain.
But sometimes... just sometimes... some things shouldn't be touched.
Steal Waka Waka if you like. But changing Shakira is a crime against humanity.
And for this, on behalf of all men and women who like women, I curse you dear lady whoever you are!
Image: Laka Laka, the Malayalam version of Shakira's Waka Waka
Suniel Shetty does the pole dance!
When I think of a pole dance, I imagine Demi Moore, Pamela Anderson, Jessica Alba, Mallika Arora...
I would never ever...EVER...imagine Suniel Shetty!
Yes my friends, did I make you choke on your drink? Take a huge sip and prepare yourself. India's answer to Stallone doing the pole dance!
Image: A song from Kuch Khatti Kuch Meethi
The condom song
Finally, as we reach the end of our first drinking session, a word of wisdom: Use condoms, when necessary.
And to drill my lesson home, I shall leave you with a awesome music video in Telugu, which is subtitled in English!!!
Till next week when I come to you with more politically incorrect hidden gems from the world of art, please feel free to write and interact and add more gems to this great pool of talent from around our country.
Ideas and suggestions, welcome. In case of any criticism, just write to Raja Sen ;)
Image: The condom song